He doesnt seem intrested in sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Babiegurl, Nov 9, 2006.

  1. Babiegurl

    Babiegurl New Member

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    Recently my husband and I have had to address our issues. We've been married now for 2 years but have been together for 6 years. My husband is currently in the US Military. In the begining of our relationship out sex life was kinky and exciting, as it should be, but since he joined our sex life has suffered. He was gone for 2 years and we only saw each other a combined 3 months out of the 2 years he was gone. Our sex life was pretty non-existant. He was distant and cold when he came home. He wasnt intrested in sex or me. He doesnt touch me, doesnt caress me, he doesnt make love to me. I've tried to talkt to him about it and he says he doesnt know whats keeping him from doing those things and that he's attracted to me. He recently told me that he doesnt have control over his penis functions...?!?! I dont know what to think. I know he's having problems getting it up as well. I've tried to give him head and he sometimes cant get hard from that. I've tried dressing up for him and that works off and on. I dont know what to do. He doesnt know what turns him on and I cant even start to try and guess. He acts like he's totally turned off by the thought of having sex. When we do its short and unsatisfying or boring. I've told hime to tell me what he wants when he wants it and I've told him at this point I would do anything to turn him on. But it seems like nothing works. I'm at a loss. please help!!!
     
  2. Uncle Terry

    Uncle Terry New Member

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    It may be stress, but it would not be a bad idea for your husband to see a physician or urologist, and be very open as to what is going on. If the plumbing checks out fine, talking with a sexual therapist or psychologist might not be a bad idea.
     
  3. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I agree with Uncle Terry. I'm thinking Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or depression of some sort. The military is tough enough in peace time, however, in war situations it is extremely tough and stressful! If he won't see a physician, I would contact your nearest VA center or, if he's still in the military, his commander, tell him what you have told us and ask if he can get him some help.
     
  4. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    From the sounds of it he has allot of issues that he needs to work through I would not put the blame on you. Instead I would look to his career in the military especially if he as been stationed overseas and especially if he has been to Iraq. He may come out of it after being home for a while but it require support from you. Give it a bit of time and hopefully he will come around.
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Agreed. War is hell for our military men and women and their families.

    Sometimes, when confronted with living (and dying) conditions so foreign to our own, it's hard to mesh back into "regular" society. Some have feelings of guilt, as if they should not enjoy their own life, when so many others around the world are suffering.

    Many marriages suffer, as the state-side partner is all excited about resuming normal family life - not realizing that a major emotional change has occurred in the military partner. He's seen (and possibly done) things he never dreamed.

    I'm not sure how long he has been back. If it's only been a short time, perhaps a little more patience is all that's needed. What he doesn't need, is to feel pressured - or to feel that he is failing you. Perhaps your "lovemaking" could consist of warm conversation, reassuring smiles, holding him.

    Helping him with his repatriation could be your single most beautiful act of love right now. I wish you well. :grouphug
     
  6. Babiegurl

    Babiegurl New Member

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    He hasnt been over there, thank god not yet. But I can see how being anywhere for that long can effect his mindset. He's consented to going to therapy soon. He knows theres alot there that he cant seem to address.
     
  7. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    He´s probabaly got some problems on the job. Try drawing him out. Getting him talking about what´s going on!
     
  8. Chris.sv

    Chris.sv New Member

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    Try dating again. Do some of things that you used to before you got married. Be flirty when you go out. Try to relax him. He is probably very stressed, as many have already said.
     
  9. BustHer

    BustHer New Member

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    Rose, Yorkie, HerHubby I am so amazed by this forum everyday and the good people who share here. As a person who spent 2 years in Iraq as a contractor and witnessed things that will never be forgotten and did have a hard time reconnecting once returning home and still have only suceeded partially you guys are right on the money. It is very hard to get back to normal life.
    I realize this isnt the case with this young lady and her husband but it really impressed me that you guys having not been there could understand some of the problems that have surfaced since I've returned.