he cheated but the sex is better?

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by heatherbfun, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. heatherbfun

    heatherbfun New Member

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    I found out a month ago that my boyfriend cheated on me and even though we had broken up at the time b/c we had been fighting i still think its cheating b/ che didnt tell me when we got back together. At first it was hard to have sex with him again b/c i was so hurt but now the sex is so good and not on an emotional level. Its purely physical and im wondering if its because i am still angry or i am trying to prove to him that im so good in bed he doesnt need to go elsewhere. Is it healthy to enjoy the sex so much after knowing that he intentionally hurt me?

    Heather
    heather@badfun.com
     
  2. Dreama

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    Well, to be fair, I really don't think that counts as cheating if you were broken up. He isn't obligated to tell you anything that he did while you were apart, although it is a nicety.
     
  3. cbrmale

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    I've had a few affairs during my marriage, and the surprising thing for me was every time after I saw my mistress of the time, the sex I had at home was much better. After a while it would taper off until the next meeting.

    I kept the affairs very casual and avoided emotional attachment, although I did fall in love once! I had to keep that emotion under control, somehow.

    My view on it is we are not and never were intended to be monogamous, and sex with another person spices things up considerably. Maybe your boyfriend is going through this refresh stage. Maybe you also need to prove yourself better than the other woman. Another thing could be because you are angry, my wife and I rarely fight but the absolute best sex we ever have is after an argument. Nothing tops that for sheer physical passion.

    By the way, I also believe that it doesn't count as 'cheating' because you were broken up. I cheated, he didn't.
     
  4. Bluesy

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    Agreed. I would be pissed if my SO didn't tell me about it, however, because he's essentially playing Russian roulette with my health by sleeping with another woman and potentially exposing me to any STDs he may have picked up. I would want him to get tested before we slept together again. So, while I don't think he was obligated to remain chaste during your break-up, I think it was irresponsible of him to keep his sexcapades to himself.

    I'm guessing that the sex is more enjoyable because it is purely physical now. Maybe you feel safer having that emotional disconnect, and less inhibited as a result? I'm not so sure that that sort of sexual dynamic would be healthy for a relationship in the long-run. I would try to find a way to deal with your hurt feelings, if I were you.
     
  5. Dreama

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    I'm not saying I wouldn't be hurt or pissed. I'd definately want him tested, etc before I'd do anything with him again, but, if your broken up, he might not have known you would have gotten back together. I just don't think that is neccessarily cheating...And, I retract what I said earlier. I've not had a lot of sex partners, so I guess I really didn't understand the full magnitude of the problem at first.
     
  6. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I feel you need to be careful and you do not get addicted to the drama. You may find the sex is more enjoyable because S & M is something that turns you on. Fair enough, evenone has their fetishes and there is nothing wrong with that. However for you, it might be enjoyable because the hurt is painful but you get pleasure from watching him crawl back to you. Since he has crawled back you have enjoyed the power it has given you, the sex is quite enjoyable, but be careful once the sex stops being that enjoyable. If it starts getting less enjoyable you may find the need to get the cycle started again but it will get more extreme with more intensive sex. Once this cycle starts it can be quite destructive to all involved and you need to be careful.