Having Troubles

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by shortylikesitrough, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    Lately, I've noticed that I've been having some trouble getting and staying wet. I know, we could use lube, but I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to naturally stay wet?

    Also, my boyfriend is constantly wanting sex. A lot of times he almost forces me into it, but not abusively, just by doing things without my permission, or not listening when I say no about small things, like him going down on me. Lately, I'm just not in the mood for sex. I'd rather just cuddle and be romantic and cute, but whenever we do cuddle, he always wants more. I end up just letting him do what he wants so it gets out of his system, but tonight, he was fingering me, and I wasn't wet at all, so it hurt. I asked him to stop, and he eventually did. He noticed something was wrong, and I explained to him how I was feeling, how I feel like he doesn't listen when I say no. He didn't say anything. I often tell him I'm just not in the mood, and he does things anyway. Is this a problem with me and my sex drive? Or is he just wanting sex too much? The last time we had sex was last Saturday, so it's almost been a week. Is it weird that I'm not turned on by him fingering/going down on me very much?
     
  2. cgh

    cgh New Member

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    For you two to have a good relationship, sexual or otherwise, it is critical that you respect one another's feelings and boundaries. No means no! If you let yourself get pressured/manipulated into it, you do so at the risk of damaging your relationship as a whole. Your sex drive is normal. So is his. Most guys are at their peak in terms of sex drive while in their teens. Girls/women typically reach their top sex drive when they're in their late thirties or forties.

    Often sex becomes kind of a barometer on the relationship. So, if you're feeling not in the mood a lot, you might look at what else is going on. Given that you've already said he almost forces you into it . . . by doing things without your permission . . . No wonder he's becoming a turn-off. No girl wants to feel like a "sperm spittoon." Each woman wants to be truly loved and cherished. That means that when you want to just cuddle and be romantic and cute, he needs to take his cue from you, because the consequence of pushing you into something you really don't want at the time is that he starts losing his allure.
     
  3. cgh

    cgh New Member

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    Oh, and the most natural lubricant is saliva. If he doesn't want to provide saliva, then Glide or K-Y Jelly is probably your next best bet.
     
  4. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    We've tried doing that, and it just wears off really fast.
     
  5. dukefan

    dukefan New Member

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    If you're not in the mood you will not stay wet. And if he is just diving down on you when you aren't in the mood for it no amount of lube is gonna get you turned on. Give him the lube and tell him to go wack it for a bit. Hate to sound like an ass, but if he doesn't get that it takes two willing people for sex then he needs to get more in touch with good ole Harry Palm.

    Just my two cents, but if you aren't in the mood for sex, fingering, or oral you aren't in the mood. Period, end of story. Talk to him when he isn't trying to grope him and let you know how you feel
     
    #5 dukefan, Oct 7, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  6. bmapes

    bmapes Member

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    You're a woman it takes more than just his head between your legs and a few fingers to turn you on, you said that you weren't in the mood and you want to cuddle and romance, he needs to realize that those also fuel your sexual desire. The more he pushes sex when you don't want it, the more its going to push you away and keep you out of the mood. He needs to show you that he appreciates you for more than your ability to get him off. It could also be other stress factors in your life but his lack of attention to your needs and constant pressure is like throwing gasoline on a fire, its counter productive. Find a way to get these points across to him, its not going to kill him to show you how much you mean to him and go with out it for a little while until your in the mood.
     
  7. igor

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    What cgh said in his post !!!!!!!!
     
  8. Essene

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    I'm assuming that you wrote this with an appropriate sub-context: social rape.

    You shouldn't really want to stay "wet" during such interactions. But I'm sure you know this. That being known, your response isn't an incorrect one.

    Now, if you do want to stay or get wet during such events- you should begin fetishizing about "rape".
     
  9. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    well, i remember you posted you might have wanted to try playing around with other guys. maybe this is just more fuel to that fire.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    The best lube ever I have come across is pjur Original.
    Silky smooth and lasts for ages but beware incompatible with latex products.
    My young partner and I always use it for sex regardless how "wet" she might be. I have a foreskin and we often do prolonged sex so it is irritation protection for both of us :)
     
  11. lbushwalker

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    Huge wisdom in those words and my feelings expressed better than I could ever!

    BTW SLIR your post is just another expression of the same message that you have been telling us over & over; ie your dude is not tuned in nor listening to you ok? :eyes
     
  12. hornyscot

    hornyscot New Member

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    sorry but you two just are not compatable and it is rape no matter how it is dressed up.
     
  13. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    Shorty, will you listen? I went through many years of unwanted, dry painful sex. I thought it was my problem. I now have a partner who has put me on a pedestal and loves me...I can't describe how much, and makes me so very happy... I am always wet for him.

    Please don't settle for Mr Hesayshelovesmesohe'lldo, find Mr Right xxxx
     
  14. GreyGoose

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    I think your problem is a mental thing. Even when you might be in the mood mentally solmewhere your body n brain remember him forcing you to have sex when you just wanted to be loved and your body reacts. Just my thought
    I also think if he is pressuring you for anythin especially after you say no is just wrong. You should have a serious talk with him.
     
  15. pbs

    pbs
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    Shorty,

    I've been reading your posts with interest, and noticed that all of them echo with the same general theme. You have a strong desire to experience sexual pleasure, but are with a guy who is satisfied to fulfill his own needs, but has no interest in satisfying yours.

    I know it's easier to do nothing than it is to do something, but IMHO, I think you're headed down a dead end road.
     
  16. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    Thank you guys so much for your input. I'm planning on talking with him today about it, and we'll see where it goes.
     
  17. pbs

    pbs
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    Please keep this in mind. Either he's using you for sex, which means he really doesn't care about you, or he believes that you are responsible for your own orgasms, which is a common belief with young guys who don't know any better. Most of the gals on this forum have strong sex drives, and know how to get pleasure from the sexual experiences they have. But, as was suggested on another thread on this forum, many women have been taught not to explore themselves sexually, and are inhibited to varying degrees. Many younger guys tend to think that female pleasure is something that just happens when they have sex, and don't know that in many cases, it's up to them to give their lovers pleasure. First they have to know when her pleasure depends on them, and then they have to care enough to be willing to learn how to do it. If your guy doesn't care, then just dump him, but if he's clueless about female pleasure, then he has to be willing to learn and you have to teach him. This is how a relationship can mature and become strong.
     
  18. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    He's been looking up on websites about female orgasms, and he's trying to give me one. He always asks what works and what doesn't, and we communicate pretty well. So I don't think he doesn't care. Most of the time, it's not even that he wants sex, its that he wants to pleasure me. But later on today, we'll talk and I'll let everyone know what happens.
     
  19. Untamed

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    Back in the day we didn't have the internet to search how to have orgasms and just experimented until we found things we liked doing/having done. Everyone is different.. if you think about it too much it's not going to be enjoyable.. it's going to be "I'll try this.. oh that's not working .. oh yeah I read about doing this I'll try doing that... oh man I hope I'm doing it right"

    Explore one another. I haven't had a partner that repulsed me before.. and most of the time a simple touch would send me reeling and make me want more. Maybe "you're just not that into him"?

    Maybe instead of going for gold straight away he could take a more gentle approach.. caressing your body all over to discover your sensitive areas. Being intimate is meant to be lovely :)
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Somehow, I feel like there is a LOT more to this whole thread than just the issue at hand. I just replied to your "I cheated" post, so sounds like maybe you're exploring the "play around with other guys". We don't know the dynamics of what's going on, but I'm sure you do.

    It's OK to tell your guy "no" (and he should respect that), but you do have to tell him "no" in a way that doesn't make him feel rejected, etc., IF he's someone that you truly want to keep. If he's not someone you want to keep, then you should probably let him know that too.

    So...I think the first thing for you to do is figure out this question: Is he someone you want to keep? If you immediately think "yes!", then work on the issues TOGETHER. If "yes" doesn't immediately pop into your mind, then the answer essentially is "no". If you don't know the answer, then that's still a "no", at least for now. So either let him go and both of you move on, or give him the promise ring back and keep the dating casual and uncommitted/non-exclusive.

    Cheers,
    BD
     
    #20 BassDude, Oct 9, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2011