Having trouble.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by bbttt1, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. bbttt1

    bbttt1 New Member

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    Hello everyone, this is my first post. Hopefully I can get some good helpful opinions.

    I am rather young, I am in the early years of college. I had been single for about 2 years but now I am dating a new girl. The previous relationship lasted about 2 years and was very good. Now, since I have been without a woman or much sexual experiance in 2 years, things are different with the new girl. We are oddly comfortable around each other, we havent been together long and we have basically done everything this side of weird. The problem is... I dont really enjoy it anymore. The sex itself is not very good. the forplay is good. the new girl is bigger than any other girl iv been with. she is attractive. she is very cute. but she just doesnt have the curves like i am used to looking at. My question is..to married people and people who have been in real long relationships, after all the excitment goes away, and sex becomes an every day thing, and all exploration is done, does the fun of sex go away too? because with me and my current relationship, it has. Is this normal? Is this as good as it gets? Or should I find somone else? I get along great with this girl, and I like her a lot, but im just almost bored..

    thanks
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I've been married to the same person for 30 years. There is a period of time when the relationship becomes rather monotonous - going through the motions - without alot of excitement or adventure.

    However, this usually comes due to the additional responsibility of children, heavy work schedules, overload of bills, etc. - things that can rob two people of their energy and spontaneity. A dating relationship of two years should not be experiencing this kind of boredom, if you are considering this girl as a lasting situation. I imagine you are going through the beginning stages of emotional separation, which eventually will lead to a break-up.

    Nobody likes the thought of having to start all over again. Sometimes people hold on to the memory of the way it used to be, rather than letting go, and moving on. You're young, and going through a few 'good' relationships before finding "The One" is normal. You're really just narrowing down what you want in life.
     
  3. Logger

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    Dear BB,

    Different women will create more excitement in your relationship than others. Excitement and zing are nice, but that usually arises from conflict. Astrology explains various levels of getting along and being conflicted.

    A Trine relationship, 4 months apart in birth date, means that you will get along great, but there will be less attraction. Square, 3 or 6 months difference in birthdates, means that there is excitement, but there will be differences, and disagreements. A comparison chart of your GF and your planets will give a delineation of the likely aspects of agreement and disagreeement, excitement and disagreement, in your home, sex life, raising children, careeers, etc.

    You may not feel that astrology can be relevant, because the planet postions can not have relevance to personality. Even if you are right, that planets are irrelevant, hundreds of years of studying relationships has been collected into some wisdom of human relations.

    I usually post from the point of view of trying to see the value in the existing relationship. I married a woman who is Square from my birthdate. We have had many vigorous disagreements. My wife and I have undercut each other as parents, where a united front is better than diversity of opinions. Sex in my marriage is enhanced because we are usually making up form a fight every day. So I long for the tranquility you describe, and would be happy to spice up my sex with a Las Vegas Strip show DVD, rather than the turmoil that I experience in my exciting marriage.

    Marriage and relationships should be about getting along, not about excitement.
     
  4. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    I am pretty much in agreement with the comments of Rose.

    I have been happily married for 13 years.

    To answer some of your questions for long term relationship couples from my personal experience perspective:

    (1) After the intitial lust buzz period, things do dampen down a bit.
    (2) But then comes a much deeper replacement which combines a special and deep emotional and physical intimacy. That grows every year that both partners get to know more about each other.
    (3) Long relationships need constant effort for success. Effort well rewarded. The exploration should never be finished or completed.
    (4) Never underestimate the importance of great laughter and fun long term. If partners can deliver that, it can cure a lot of problems.

    I think it is time for you to consider widening your options for a new partner.

    And as well as pure physical attraction, keep open all of your receptions for qualities beyond the pure physical things. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you see, hear, smell, feel and touch.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    I've been married twenty years, and I'll add a couple of observations.

    First up, sex is sex, and it cannot ever be an ever-increasing spiral of exctasy. There are only so many positions and places and times of the day and so on.

    What makes relationship sex precious and satisfying for the long-haul is LOVE. But what is love? Many of us had relationships where we clearly liked each other, and got on well together, but was it love? You can answer if it is love yourself, when you're apart do you think about her a lot, sometimes can't get her out of your thoughts? At any time, you can't wait to get naked together and feel her skin pressed against yours and feel her arousal as you go to that special place together? If not, you probably don't love her the way that some of the long-term couples in this forum know love.

    I had some girlfriends of periods of time, and I knew they were just friends and we shared laughs and happiness and sex. And then I met someone, and within half-an-hour I KNEW she was the one. I didn't know why then, I do know now, but she blew me away like I'd never experienced before. And she still does!

    So that my friend is the answer, maybe she's a good friend and a companion and you share sex but she isn't your one-and-only soulmate for life. Maybe she is, and all you need to do is adjust your expectations of the sexual side of your relationship, my comment on how many positions and places and so on. If you love her, and you think about how long-term sex is going to feel, then your expectations may need to be realistic for the years (and possibly decades) ahead. If you don't really love her, then you may need to do what some of us have done from time to time and go searching for real love.