Having sex for the first time

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by gibsonsg21, Jun 2, 2008.

  1. gibsonsg21

    gibsonsg21 New Member

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    I am 18 and have been with my girlfriend for the past 2 and a half years. She also is 18. We have been experimenting with foreplay for the past year. I feel that it is about time that we take our feelings to the next level. I am madly in love with her and have no doubts or worries about making love to her. On the other hand, she is very nervous about getting pregnant like I am sure any girl would be. We are both virgins, and I have already purchased spermicidal condoms, and the morning after pill. Should this be more than enough for her?
    Please help me out on what I can possibly do to convince her, or make her feel better about the situation.
     
  2. RockyRaccoon

    RockyRaccoon New Member

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    After sex, check if the condom has a leak by blowing air into it and then tying it off like a balloon. No leak, you're safe. If you're super worried, just pull out before you ejaculate and let her finish you orally or manually.
     
  3. gibsonsg21

    gibsonsg21 New Member

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    I am not the one who is worried. She is. I have intentions on pulling out before I do ejaculate, and when I do ejaculate...should I change the condom or continue to use the same one?
     
  4. Joe

    Joe
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    Never use a condom twice.

    Don't push too hard. You're only 18; you have plenty of time. Let her decide when she's ready. (I know, easier said than done.)
     
  5. Mr. G

    Mr. G Member

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    If your going for a second round, you should definitely use a new one.

    Anyway, you both need to feel that you're ready for it and I don't think you should pressure her for anything if she's feeling insecure about it. You should talk with her about her fears and stuff like "what if.." Also tell her how you feel about this.. (From your first post i get an impression you've already discussed bout these things.. but remember that communication is the master key in a relationship ;))

    I come from a rather religious family, but they aren't really against premarital sex. There are though some quite good tips I've gotten from my parents concerning sex and relationship. Don't know if this has come directly from them, but in my teen years I came up with this principle: If I'm going to have sex with someone, I should be willing to embrace the consequences. Meaning that no matter what will happen I'll stay by her.. This might sound quite conservative, but that's how I see it (don't get me wrong, I don't mean it exactly like 'together ever after' but to support her, no matter what..)

    If you feel the similar way about her you should tell her that you'll be there. With proper use of condoms you can be very certain that she wont end up pregnant.. BUT there's always the "what if.." and she need to feel secure about it. Also, like Joe said, you'll need to give her the time she needs. It'll be much more pleasant for both of you..
     
    #5 Mr. G, Jun 2, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2008
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    The whole experience will be WAY more enjoyable and meaningful if you not attempt to pressure her into feeling okay with it. She may give in, fearing losing your affection - or at least your sensual attention. That's no way to give and recieve someone's virginity. I think that the measures you have taken are beyond sufficient, but if she still has reservations, then I suggest you wait.

    Hard? Absolutely! So you'll have to decide if you can wait. Then act accordingly.
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Tell her that you'll wait until she's absolutely ready and comfortable with it. A relationship isn't just about you and what you can get out it, it's about your partner too and what she gets and needs. Keep that in mind, and you are way ahead of the game versus most people. Don't pressure her about sex...let it all come naturally, and you'll both enjoy it much more.

    You said you guys have engaged in foreplay...what kind of foreplay? Oral sex? When the time does come, don't forget to start with the foreplay! You definitely want the experience to be good for her as well as you. (Hint: that way, she'll want to do it again.;)) The first time is probably going to hurt for her, so just be sensitive to that.

    When the time comes that she's totally comfortable with it and ready to go, play her like one of your guitars. :brow

    BD
     
  8. Dreama

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    If you love her, I know that you don't want her to do anything she's not ready for. And, you don't want to do anything you aren't ready for---That means accepting that accidents happen, and that freak accidents happen, and they could happen to you. You could end up with a child- you have to be alright with that in the long run, because (even though it's a big what if) that could be what ends up happening. And, you need to let her know that you're alright with this, and that you accept responsibility for your part in the combined action.
     
  9. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    Please don't rush her, it'll hurt her not you. She needs to be completely at ease and if she's so worried about getting pregnant she needs to go to the doctors to ask for advice.
     
  10. gibsonsg21

    gibsonsg21 New Member

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    Hahah, glad you took note of my username. We have been active in oral sex not too often, but whenever we have the chance we usually take advantage of it and enjoy ourselves. I am not trying to pressure her, just trying to find a way to persuade her that the chances of "if" she gets pregnant are very slim. I would like to encourage her to talk to her mom or doctor about possibly birth control because that is one thing she said she would be fine to have sex with. We have talked about having sex in past events and she says she wants to have sex, but doesn't want to do it without birth control.
     
  11. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Well, condoms used correctly are pretty effective, but the birth control pill is even more effective. (And if you combine those two, the chances of an unwanted pregnancy are almost non-existant.) If she's comfortable having that conversation with her mom, then by all means encourage her to do so. Also, you could research some credible info on the internet and share it with her.

    Question: what would you guys do if an unwanted pregnancy occurred? In my mind, there's only two options...1) marry the girl or otherwise take co-responsibility for the child, or 2) get an abortion (both of you, not just her, if you follow me). Which would you both choose? If you haven't talked about this, you definitely should before you have sex...just in case the unlikely does indeed happen (stranger things have happened in real life).

    BD
     
  12. FlirtyChick

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    Let her know how you feel, and let her come to you when she is ready. Sex is an awesome way to express love and to be loved, but if you are not ready for the possible consequences, then back off and wait. Trying to convince your girl that the chances of getting pregnant are slim sounds so....well self-serving. As all the others said, think of all the possible outcomes if she does become pregnant, and how your lives will be affected. I know you have been engaged in oral, but the full sexual act carries more emotions than that, if you can imagine, and it should not be taken lightly. You are young, and you have lots of time. Trying to talk her into it will only cause problems if she caves before she is truly ready. Sex is a big deal. Respect it.
     
  13. Bluesy

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    I can't add to what's already been said, but I am going to advise you to toss the spermicidal condoms and purchase lubricated ones, instead. The use of nonoxyl-9 in sexual prophylactics has been banned pretty much everywhere except the U.S. (yay us :eyes) because it's an irritant that increases risk of yeast/bacterial/STD infection, and it can make sex very unpleasant for women who are sensitive to it. Forgo the spermicide, practice putting on a condom properly (masturbating with them on will help prep you for the real deal), keep them away from heat, grasp the base and withdraw immediately after ejaculation, and all should be fine.

    Hormonal BC + condoms is a pretty much invulnerable system, btw.
     
  14. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I may be mistaking but if she's 18, she doesn't need her mom's permission to obtain birth control. So, if BC is the only way she feels totally protected... and she's not on the ball about getting it... one can only suspect she may not want to go all the way right now.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    Condoms are not a reliable method of birth control under any circumstances, and your girlfriend should be on the birth control pill. When I was your age we didn't use condoms because we really didn't worry about STDs, and we knew they were just not good enough for birth control. All our partners at that time were on the pull

    All us long-term married couples will testify just how reliable the pill is. My wife was on the pill for 12 years, and we had two children, both planned. This equates to more than 2,500 times we had sex (relying on the pill, me coming inside) without her falling pregnant.
     
  16. Mr. G

    Mr. G Member

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    May I ask where do you get this? According to research, the proper use of condom is as effective as the birth-control pill (approx. 98% both). See for example http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/std-mts-res/workshop/bc/e_annex4.html if you don't believe me (actually, don't think the rates don't even make a notice whether the condom is used properly or not.. so it's even more reliable when used right..). Plus it protects against STDs.

    It's a different matter which is more comfortable to use. My girl got on pill after we had been having sex for few months and we just love it when you don't need to worry bout the condom. You can have as much sex as you want whenever you want and you don't need to carry condoms around and worry if the friction or temperature has ruined em.. So hurray for the pill (though there can also be nasty side-effects, like my girls menstruation pains have gotten abit worse :/ ..but she think it's worth it)

    But when it comes to the efficiency, the best is the combination of both. And when used one method only, I would prefer the pill as well, but when used properly the condom is also very safe..
     
  17. FlirtyChick

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    Ahem...We used condoms only for five years between the birth of our daughter and my husband's vascectomy. The barrier method, especially combined with vaginal spermicide is an excellent form of birth control if USED PROPERLY. (Which by the way, applies to all BC methods) I agree that the pill is also a great method of BC, but some women just cannot take it. Please do not tell people that condoms are not a reliable method of birth control. For some people, it may be the only method they can afford or have access to.

    Here is a link for the OP to the American Association of Gynecologist's Website which explains all methods of birth control and has an appendix of effectiveness http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/ab020.cfm

    (Yes, the pill is MORE effective than condoms, but condoms are effective as well)
     
  18. Dreama

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    WTF are you smoking? :lol
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    And can it be sent through the mail without being sniffed out by the canine officers? :lol

    BD
     
  20. igor

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    We used condoms for over 10 years without a mishap (pregnancy, breakage, tearing, losing one, etc - all the shit you read about when improperly stored/used).