Having my "issues" with girls

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Pride, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Ok well to start off i would like to say hi to everyone.


    Ok well im a Virgin at 18. Its not something that i really hide if asked but im not a "proud" virgin either.

    I seem to have confidence issues with meeting women/girls however you want to say it. I i honestly believe it might be because i am a virgin and feel that girls don't want me. to some existent.

    I have not been "saving" myself for anyone or anything like that but kind of like the movie the 40 year old virgin every time i get close something happens and then it doesn't happen. In high school i was pretty popular and played sports as well as very well known. But i have always had the issues with girls. I tend to shy away from them. And i tell myself to suck it up and not be a pussy but i just cannot get over this issue.

    I haven't always been like this but sometime around 7th grade i would say is when it changed im not a shy person in the least not afraid to make a fool of myself or be embarrassed.

    I have always been told by the opposite sex that i am "hot","cute", "funny" and so on so why do i have such issues. I just cannot figure out my problem i try to change myself and force myself to do stuff as much as possible but even when i do get a chance with a girl i am pretty good at screwing stuff up.


    I mean no girls believe that i am a virgin even when i tell them. But i almost feel bad telling them because it to me is putting in the "whats wrong with him" question.

    My type of girl is i guess the typical girl im not quite sure how to describe them. But i guess usually they are what you would see in school or on TV and the "popular" girl. As far as looks.

    And i have a very high standard in some ways because i WONT settle for less i have ALWAYS refused to. It might be a weakness but i just cannot get over that. In some ways its shallow i suppose even though its not all looks.

    The thing is that i KNOW i am capable of getting that type of girl. Except i don't have the balls to walk up and talk to them.



    APOLOGY

    lol sorry i know what i said was mostly rambling but im not quite sure how to explain it. so i sort of started rambling.

    Anyways im just asking for advice on whatever you may be able to give.

    Feel free to ask any specifics if it will help ill gladly answer

    Thanks, Pride



    Also if this is the wrong place to post this please move to correct it.
     
    #1 Pride, Apr 25, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
  2. cbrmale

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    It is symptomatic of our over-sexualised society that eighteen-year olds feel they have to apologise for being virgins, and lose confidence as well. I was somewhat older than 18 when I lost my virginity, and I certainly wasn't letting it rule my life.

    First up, you shouldn't be telling girls you are a virgin or not a virgin, that is a personal thing that doesn't have any relevance in general conversation!

    Many (if not most) men have shyness problems with girls at first, and the more men stress over it, the worse it gets. When we actually have our first relationship with sex attached, then the shyness falls away and subsequent relationships are easier to initiate.

    What are girls looking for in a man your age? The usual things I suppose: confident, caring, sense of humour, good company, good conversations. All you've got to do is forget about your sexual past, strike up a conversation with an available girl who you are interested in, and let nature take its course. Part-way through the conversation if things are travelling well, you ask her to go out with you somewhere. At this point she may say yes, or make up an excuse. The excuse is her way of saying she isn't interested in you beyond the conversation. Really, it isn't that difficult, because most girls have this wonderful way of letting down a man's interest without hurting his pride.

    But first thing is you've gotta get confidence enough to strike up a conversation on something of mutual interest, and let things travel from there.
     
  3. mousse

    mousse New Member

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    Read The Game by Neil Strauss.. its behavioral psychology mixed with an interesting story.
     
  4. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    well its not even JUST sexual. But i think it could help...i mean i can get around girls someitmes and be perfectly fine and they will love my company but i have trouble meeting them. and now that im not longer in school AND i moved from michigan to florida its extremely hard for me.

    i mean ive basically had no real interactions with girls like that for a year now.

    i mean im 18 and havent had a gf since i was like 15....thats kind of sad i just cannot figure out my problem....as it doesnt APPEAR to be anything physical in the least.....

    that just totally gets to me....and i lose all confidence in that area to tell the truth im more likely to go up to a girl and make a fool out of myself on a dare or something stupid like that than i am to go up to them and meet them and talk to them.

    i really dont know how to go about doing it. like say for example im walking through the mall and a girl catches my eye i want to so badly walk up to her and say something but i feel lame almost stalkerish just changing my course and going to meet this girl i dont even know what to say.
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Pride
    18 isn't that old And being a virgin is nothing to be proud of or ashamed of.
    We are all virgins at one time. Your turn will come so don't worry
    about it. You will meet the right Girl sooner or later.
    Just stay active in life and make friends. And let things happen when
    they will.

    Hiker
     
  6. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Yeah i agree. But fact of the matter most girls i might hook up with will be MUCH more experienced than me. And well when im utterly pathetic in bed or something i think that might possibly turn them off.

    I would do the whole 1 night stand deal as practice but....its just not my style really.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I really doubt it, being 18 you should meet a 16-17yo
    And they will not have a lot of experience, And at your age, The best thing you could
    do would forget about experience, It really means nothing. If you have had sex 100 times
    ans had the same you still may have totally different thoughts on sex.
    When you meet that special girl and you both get really hot and bothered You can throw the experience out the door because mother nature will take over and you
    will know what to do.
     
  8. mousse

    mousse New Member

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    I was thinking the same thing. I wanted to wait for the right person but started to get ancy around 19. But someone worth it came along anyhow and I turned out to be the best she's had. Just be sure that sex is about them and not just yourself and you'll do fine.

    Anyway, like I said, go checkout The Game. It's a book by Neil Strauss.
     
  9. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    Seriously bro, the first thing you have to do is allow yourself to stop worrying about it so much. If everything you are saying about yourself is true then really all you have to do is relax and let things come to you. I feel for you because I was pretty much in the same situation as you once and in many ways still am. Truth be told, I am absolutely terrified of women, but I do alright just because I force myself to chill and just open up a conversation with them. That really is all it takes is a conversation, because though not every girl is ready to jump your bones, there are a lot out there that are. I know you have high standards, and that just means it might take a little longer. When I was 19 years old I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and had never even asked a girl out on a date. I didn't even know how to go about flirting at that point as I hadn't had to do since freshman year of highschool. It took a while but all I did was sit back and be chill, and the very next girl that I managed to get with is still to this day the best looking girl I have ever been with, hands down, and she did everything, approached me, took me home, hell she even had the damn condom. Basically I'll I'm saying is, the less you stress over it, the easier it will come.
     
  10. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Yeah thats true...i have been slowly changing but seems its harder to get myself to do then i would think.

    Also a big problem with the conversation i tend to have nothing to say. Really in general im pretty laid back and i just tend to let things come to me. Which i think is part of the downfall. But at the same time i often find myself thinking "say something" and i just simply have NOTHING to say. lol its terrible. For the most part im a man of few words lol
     
  11. cbrmale

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    The art of small talk and starting a conversation comes with practice and confidence. There is always something to say, even if it is as trite as observing the weather! And I am absolutely sure that there are some head-over-heels in love relationships that started with 'it's a nice day'.

    When you see a girl you are interested in, think about what you will say before you go to her. As the posting above stated, not every girl wants to have sex with every guy who says 'hello, it's a nice day', or whatever. She's probably just as shy as you, and probably relieved that you came to her and said something that was both useful and harmless.
     
  12. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    May I add a few words cbrmale.
    She will not only be relieved but it is your place to break the ice not Hers
    So try not to shy away as She may be perfect for you.

    Hiker
     
  13. cbrmale

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    I am a bit younger than you Hiker (although probably not a lot younger) and I have had women break the ice with me. For some reason I still do, younger women sometimes move up to me and start small conversations that are clearly based on attraction. So, I don't believe it is a 'mans' place to break the ice, and it is becoming more common for women to initiate if they are interested.

    However, if I was looking and I saw someone nice, I would go to her and start a conversation, because that is the best way to get things started.
     
  14. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I think at one time a womans spirit was controled by the male , so it was a males place in those times to be the one that had to walk up and always start the convos.


    But as CBR says times have changed and are still changing females these days have more open and free spirits and are more inclined to walk up and start a convo or ask a male out if the see and fancy them...
    i know which way i prefer , although i have been known to open my moth from time to time lol.
     
  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Just to clarify...who is younger than whom?

    Cbrmale your age is listed at 48 and Hiker's age is listed as 41.
     
  16. cbrmale

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    I am surprised, it seems like we're a generation apart! The only thing I can think is that Australia is a lot more liberal and progressive than the US. But that's not all, because there are progressives in the US too.

    On a personal front, I work in leading edge technology, which keeps me mentally fresh and invigorated.

    Might be a combination of the two I suppose.
     
  17. TheShed

    TheShed New Member

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    I know Mousse has mentioned checking out "The Game" by Neil Strauss and I'd second that. It will give you some ideas as to how to get over your own personal cock block (i.e. lack of confidence) and also help you understand a bit about some girls mindsets.

    Don't get too caught up in it though, every girl is different and if you're looking for a long term relationship then you need to be yourself.
     
  18. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    hey. I have to let you in on a little, well, actually it's not so little in here, but I was a virgin until I was 21! The first time was with another guy that I met through Myspace. I think that virginity should be praised. It's something that our oversexualised society places upon us. OR maybe shame from the church. Who knows?

    But i want to just say, that, even though you had a very macho high school career in football and what not, you should actually take life as a journey, and ride the roller coaster. Don't think about it. What got me to finally get to having sex for the first time is that I had a really good connection with this guy and I just let it flow. I also thought of it as an educational situation. I thought of it as tryouts.
     
  19. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

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    I would suggest you go to church where you look for the girl, not for sex. skip the sex, it can come later.
     
  20. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    Trust me man, I know its hard as shit for some people, myself included. Its like I can't even believe how easy it could be for me but I just can't make it happen. I really do think it is the lack of confidence thing. For instance, I bet if I went through my cell phone book, I could probably get some one who I'd never even done anything with to come over and end up sleeping with me... on a Monday night. Hell I bet you could too. I just don't have the balls to call girls up, see what they're doing, and if its nothing ask them to hang out. I asked myself the other day, what's my biggest fear and the answer was rejection, if only I could get over that fear I'd be set.

    As far as not having much to say, just talk about them and ask them questions. If they aren't asking you questions in return or seemingly involved in the conversation they either just as shy as you (keep working at it) or they aren't that interested. Also conversation don't have to last that long, get her number and ask her out for coffee or something at a later date.

    I know its scary as shit but you just have to work on it and get over it. I'm trying to follow my own advice.