Having children and the effect on your sex life

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Doitagain, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. Doitagain

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    I am curious to those who have children or planning to how it has affected your sex life. There are many variables such as being married ,divorced , how many children , what age yadda yadda but I am curious to how it has affected your sex life. Did it change? How? Do you think of it differently and how do you deal? What's your outlook for the future?

    For me our sex life has changed in how often we have sex and our " wild side " has gone away by the most part. We still have sex just not as much and usually it's a quickie due to many things. And yes sometimes it's just fantastic. We don't let it bother us really because we are very busy but when we have extended alone time it comes back. For me it's just being physically tired and mentally not in that frame of mind but we have talked and understand that it's not that we are bored of eachother or don't think eachother are sexy and we look towards future and know we will get our groove back , not worried about it. I am curious to everyone else's stories and situations and how it works with you.
     
  2. beth_deakin_uni

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    having children would have a big affect i think.
    i live with my bf and his brother and thats ok because his brother is almost the same age as him so its ok if he notices us having sex.
     
  3. HotForHoney

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    The expert has spoke. Lock the thread.
     
  4. sagswing

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    just a follow up on the reply I made on another thread you simply must make time for you as a couple. It's not even about sex so much as Mich as intimacy. hire a babysitter or get a family member like mom to watch the kids and go out for a nice dinner and dancing followed by a hotel room and some crazy wild sex. You don't even have to spend all night at the room but if you're not careful you will reach a point most parents do were they either are jealous of the time they have to give the kids or worse yet resentful. And don't say that can happen to you because it's happened to every parent I've ever spoken to who has raised kids to adulthood. They admit that they have some time been very frustrated by the lack of any kind of personal time. So make that time not only will you to benefit but your kids will too because you will be happier. I'm not in expert but I raise 3 girls to adulthood with none of them getting pregnant or getting arrested all have graduated from college which I consider success.

    please excuse any typos I'm doing voice to text for this. :)
     
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  5. BlueCollar

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    There's a special place in the universe for the "can't stand it must have you now because the kids are finally asleep and it's too much to take fuck me now!" quickie.
    All married couples with children know about it.
     
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  6. Anotherday

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    We only have one child and certainly it's affected us. Early on when he was young and required almost constant attention our sex lives dropped off a great deal. It's been much better since but there's still an effect.

    The things we've done to help:

    Probably the most important in my mind is that we out him in his own bed very early on and don't allow him to sleep with us when we're both home. We also keep and enforce bedtimes.

    Make the most of time alone, even if that just means sleeping. The better rested you are the more likely you are to want sex.

    Have fairly regular date nights. Use a sitter, family member, or whatever, but get out and have some fun.

    Several times a year we travel for short weekends. We have some favorite hotels within just a few hours of us. They all have bars, restaurants, & valet parking. We check in, rest, eat, drink and have lots of sex and never leave the premises. Just the two of us and no one else.
     
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  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    It affected ours. After birth it was no sex for a while, then later it limited it when they wake up for feeding, diaper, etc.
    Then it was no sex after the decision not to have anymore kids .... the snip.
    Then we had to wait for them to be asleep unless they were gone for sleep over or something.

    Maybe we should have paid a limo or a cab to take for a ride unless we were done?
     
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  8. jt _couple2012

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    I think that it should not but, if finance are not great or you are living check by check then it may affect your life big time. It should not be like this but unfortunately this is how our world is today.
     
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  9. AGFUNK

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    Our sex life was better when he was younger just because he slept more. Now he's awake almost all day, we live in a studio, he sleeps with us and often my husband and I have opposite work shifts. Sex is rare now. It will be even rarer in the next year since we will likely be living here still.
     
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  10. lbushwalker

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    I must admit to not reading all replies but I will say this; having children is the best contraceptive ever invented.
    They fuck up everything in your life almost forever, period!
    I have had the pleasure (because they all turned out normal and sort of ok) of having three.
    The first we wanted, the second was deprived lust and the third a fucking wonder it ever happened!
    People be smart, if you truly enjoy and love your sex then avoid at all cost having fucking kids: here endeth the epistle according to one who bloody well knows!
    But nah, you are all going to make the same mistakes I have because you are programmed to do so :)
     
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  11. Doitagain

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    Well thanks you for all your input. We had one and I got snipped
    Love her ? Wouldn't change it at all. It's hard sometimes but if I didn't work so much it would be easier on life...outside bills lol
     
  12. backcheck64

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    Our didn't change until they were about 6 and 8, then with the travel with sports, many weekends I'd be in one state and she'd be in another with kids on travel teams. This past weekend I was on one side of the state with my son, my wife was on the other with our daughter...we live in the middle.
     
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  13. Doitagain

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    Ouch. So more of an issue because you have more than one child? No problems when they were much younger?
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Our sex life didn't change in terms of frequency but it was impacted due to tiredness and lack of time, and sex became briefer and less inventive. My wife's African and the African style like the European style is to raise children like little adults, so once past about age 2 they are already getting towards self-sufficiency. I lived in Germany for a while and I noted the same thing, and I know that British, French and Italians do the same things with their children and I expect it's quite common in other countries.

    Three things that work. Children get their own room and bed as soon as they're ready. Plan sex two or three times a week. Third thing is put a lock on your bedroom door, and make sure your children know, even if they don't understand, that their parents have time they spend together and they're not to be interrupted during that time, no matter what. Later when they're a bit older you can introduce the concept of sex, and those times behind the locked, bedroom door are when sex happens.
     
  15. backcheck64

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    They've been playing travel hockey since the age of 5. Before that, my daughter was in dance at age 3. They played soccer and T ball at the age of 4. We've been running since they were very young. We gave our kids the opportunity to play whatever sport they wanted from early on. That as a choice we made and yes it cuts into bedroom time and energy. Many parents don't do that. Not only does it impact the bedroom to an extent, it hits the wallet. We feel we made the right choices as both are straight A students, son has a full ride scholarship to MU if he decides against MIT, daughter is very well rounded between hockey and symphony. And like CBR, we raised our kids to be self sufficient from early on. They could cook for themselves by age 9, done laundry from early on, we never treated them like little kids, more like little adults. They've been to musicals and symphony concerts from early ages through high school as well as professional sports games and rock concerts.