having an affair or one night stand(which is worse)

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by justaniceguy, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    would you say that having an affair is much worse than a one night stand....In my mind having an affair is much more emotion involved and in my opinion is worst......A one night stand seems to just be fun though obviously still not making it right.....
     
  2. looking4

    looking4 New Member

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    affair would be worse unless you get STD from one night stand - both have consequences....
     
  3. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    I agree with you, chances are greter having a 1 night stand, but say the other half is having an affair with man or woman surely there is a risk catching std as well??...I think in general people who have the audacity to have sex behind there partners back show no guilt and possibly have strays more than once....your views
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    How about which is best?
    Whatever rocks your boat IMHO.
     
  5. pbs

    pbs
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    If you're breaking a bond of trust, does it really matter?
     
  6. backcheck64

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    Both would wind up in a divorce with me.
     
  7. luvbug

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    Im with backcheck on this one.
     
  8. LilBAM

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    I don't like one night stands, single or not. I interpreted it as "Which is worse? Having an affair while in a relationship, or having a one night stand while single?", which to me, the answer is easily an affair. Neither one is good though, and I agree with backcheck.
     
  9. wetness1

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    I would say there both as bad as each other..
     
  10. cbrmale

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    I go with the other Australian and ask which is best? I've had more one night stands than I could ever hope to count and I've had affairs too, although only two which were serious long-term (and since I've been married I've had sex with several other women, one-on-one, and as part of couples threesomes (alongside their husbands)). One night stands are not suited to everyone, and I think it takes a certain personality type to be able to mesh intimately with someone you have just met, and to open yourself so she can mesh with you too. If you aren't naturally outgoing, then it's probably going to be stressful at best and terrible at worst.

    Affairs are quite different, but there are a lot of affairs around. I was surprised I could love two women at the same time, and the love for one wasn't diminished by the love for the other. Clearly then, there is more to love than the chains of sexual faithfulness. Beyond that, I have had many recent one night stands with long-term married women who have had the overwhelming desire to have sex with someone other than their husband. It's gnawed at them until they did it with me. And at least two more to come: Mandy on Saturday and Irene, who I have been friends with for a long time, is chafing to try the other side just once, while she can. In the case of Mandy it may well blossom into something long term, your more typical affair, while I think Irene is one-time only.

    What's best? I do get a big adrenilin rush from first-time sex with a new partner, and it's exciting and invigorating and more, especially when it works out well. An affair is quite different, and you settle into a routine over time, but a different routine to that which you have at home. An affair is sex: nothing more and nothing less. It's pure pleasure for the two of you, uncluttered by the fact that the garden needs pruning, or the bills need to be paid, or when are we going to visit our son interstate, or all of the mundane. A little island of pleasure for two. The important thing for me is that an affair isn't intended to be more than it is, and I'm not leaving my wife for anyone else. Ground rules are set, and they have to remain (and so far I haven't had any problems in this regard).

    Having had a lot of both, I think the one night stand is less cluttered and more exciting, but an affair with a good person is also quite special.
     
  11. Essene

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    They're both disgusting.


    Having an affair is worse. To the SO (boyfriend or husband, wife or girlfriend) it's like continuously having a one night stand.


    Either grosses me out completely. I almost don't respect one of my friends because she had one.
     
  12. cbrmale

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    What did your friend have? An affair or a one-night stand? I saw a television show last year where Australian university students, young men and young women (the genders were split evenly) had a year-long competition on the number of sexual partners. They marked each new partner on a post, which they named the ''sleaze tree". This is what it's like here.
     
  13. GingerPower

    GingerPower New Member

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    Agreed. That is assuming we are gauging on a moral scale.

    One night stands are not horrible in the most simple form. It all depends on the person, and how they choose to protect themselves.

    Affairs on the other hand....
    Why? What is the idea, or point of having an affair? If your not sexual pleased with your home life then by all means change that. Hopping over the problem is only a band-aid and brings other's into your pain.
     
  14. AGFUNK

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    They are both horrible but having an affair is definitely worse because then instead of just physical cheating, like in a one night stand where you will never see the person again, you also have emotional cheating to factor in. That would hurt much much worse then just a one night stand.
     
  15. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    they are both horrible. reserved for the lowest of scum
     
  16. cbrmale

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    I had a first-time affair with the delightful Mandy yesterday afternoon, and a very pleasant time we had. I am married, as you know, and Mandy is married too. She has seen three men prior, and enjoyed our time together and we promised to meet again, although Christmas is likely to get in the way. She wanted to meet a married man: to talk and to get to know one-another, to have sex, to relax after, and then to go our separate ways. Married men were essential for her: less complications than having an affair with a single man (my view too). She was attractive with a lovely firm body for a 40 year old, or for any age, and a lovely, natural sexual style (something I don't get at home - my wife totally lacks erotic intelligence). I didn't ask her why she sought other men nor did she ask me why I sought other women, but I'm sure I will find out some time in the future.

    This is the second time I have been surprised by an attractive, middle-aged long-term married woman actively seeking men for sex, and I'm sure there are many others with the same desires.

    You have to put it into perspective. We all have sex countless thousands of times in our lives, and from time to time we want or need to have a different style of sex that only another lover can bring to us. It is just sex: no dinners, going out to the movies, going out for drives in the car, nothing like that. We get on well together, build up a chemistry of sorts, have great sex, and then return to the rest of our lives. And, if we meet again, it will be more of the same. Delightful pleasure for a couple of hours, nothing more or less.

    Maybe it's my age and the era I grew up in, but I do know the difference between sex and love. I liked Mandy, we got on well together and we had great sex, so love isn't an essential element to great sex (which I knew from many decades ago). I also know that love doesn't necessarily lead to great sex either: I love my wife, but the sex we share is, at best, pretty ordinary. I do congratulate those men and women who have the lot: a great life's partner and a great lover, and maybe I'm a little envious too.

    Sexual freqency doesn't necessarily come into it. My wife couldn't come close to Mandy's natural, sexy style in a million years, and Mandy was able to tune into my style on our first meeting, something my wife hasn't been able to do after 25 years!
     
  17. PhX_AZ_SWM_1972

    PhX_AZ_SWM_1972 New Member

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    duh
    What's up with all the anti-one night stand posts? Here I thought I was a prude. WOW.

    As long as you are careful and use protection, you both are single and are willing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with one night stands.

    Affairs your SO would not approve of is wrong, however. So it is worse.
     
  18. cbrmale

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    I think some have difficulty unravelling the concepts of love and sex, and think love is essential for a sexual relationship. Clearly, love is not often involved with a one night stand, but that doesn't mean that great sex can happen regardless. Or maybe they're jealous of those who had or have one night stands (it takes some talent to have a good one night stand)! Who knows?
     
  19. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    no cbrmale you interpreted it all wrong. the OP said affair or one night stand. which most of us took as being in a relationship and then cheating long term or cheating just one night. which is horrible in either respect. obviously there is nothing wrong with to single people having a one night stand... you clearly didn't understand us.
     
  20. AGFUNK

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    ^I second this.