Having a baby

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Lymina, May 6, 2012.

  1. Lymina

    Lymina New Member

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    Hi. My new boyfriend and I are thinking of having a baby but I can't stop thinking 'come one, look at that mess over there, how can you put a baby in a world like that it's selfish man'

    so I guess I'm trying to ask you guyz do you think it's ok to have a baby in 2012 ? My boyfriend and I both have a job so the baby should have a security (a roof over his head and food on the table)

    thnaks
     
  2. Lover4You

    Lover4You New Member

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    I think it's fine. Its a natural thing and you will enjoy having one or more of you decide. Really its about how u raise them. Raise them to know the crap out there and how to be strong, smart, and stand up for themselves, they'll be fine. They may even be able to help other pple who dont have that kind of upbringing. But you cant protect yur kid from everything. I bet alot of pple your parents age thought the same thing. Not to be a downer but the world has never really been a good place for kids lol. That's why they grow up. And u teach them the right way to do it.
     
  3. igor

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    How about getting married first?
     
  4. arugula

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    I think if you want a baby in 2012, you'll have to adopt...
     
  5. Texas_Red

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    I'm kinda with Igor on this one, but I realize there may be more to things.
     
  6. CosmicEye

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    Please dont be one of those people that put a leash on your kids

    [​IMG]
     
  7. OverSinged

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    That looks... stupid. A harness I can almost see, seeing as I was the lil kid that always randomly decided to jump into the road, but that?
     
  8. Berend

    Berend New Member

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    Frankly, I'm concerned about the phrase "my new boyfriend and I"....

    What's the rush?
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    Ditto Berend's and Igor's comments.
    An added word of caution: life after kids will never be the same and nor will sex for at least 18+ years and that is if you only have one!
    In some relationships having children binds the couple tighter together but sadly in many it tears them apart constantly.
    The commitment and responsibilities are enormous to take on so you best be real sure!
     
  10. Clintriprock

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    A baby isn't like a pet or something. Based on your post I'd say to wait until you have a better grasp on things
     
  11. Lymina

    Lymina New Member

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    Thanks to all of you.
    Getting married first ? Like the old fashioned way ? ha ! I'm affraid we are too new fashion for that. There must be some kind of a 'abstrat fear' for huge procedure like divorces and courts and lawiers and fees......but I suppose you are right, mariage is the god commitment that helps you keep together even through the worst times...I'll have to think about that. You know what worries me the most ? In all your comments I can feel that a strong relation between parents and kids is paramount to raise a kid. But teenagers these days are looking for a e life, teenagers have online communities now here. and how can you interact with that as a parent ?
     
  12. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

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    Ever parent will consider this when thinking of starting a family. Things are better now than they were years ago when war and nuclear devastation was a real threat. You're bringing a child into a world whose future can never been anticipated. So, forget about it and simply assume that things will change and hopefully for the better.

    A child can bring so much to any couple or parent and adds a completeness to any relationship.

    It really fucks up your sex life tho'! I know for sure...........:eek
     
  13. AGFUNK

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    I think you both should be in your relationship for awhile before even considering having children. Make sure that you both want to be in each other's lives forever.
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Hardly anyone in Australia is married when they have a child and it's much the same in the UK! Maybe they get married later and maybe not. Been that way for decades. Actually it was that way in the nineteenth century too, and last century was the abberation, but I digress.

    I don't like the term having a baby. because you're having a child which is going to be a massive burden on your time and financial resources for the next 20 years.
     
  15. Maverick

    Maverick Member

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    Really?? Ignorant fuck.
     
  16. boobjob

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    Whoa there. Please elaborate. As a participant in a 20 year marriage I take offese. Am I ignorant because I am married? What is your critisism. What makes marriage bad? The union of two people in a committed relationship is a beautiful thing. It also recognizes the supreme responsibility that is involved with bringing new life into this world. I think a lot of us are concerned that OP doesn't see that. A desire to have a baby with a "new" boyfried sounds fickle and precocious and destined for heartache given the difficulties of raising children in the best of situations.

    If OP is worried about what pressures the world will impose on her child how about worrying about the problems that can arise at home. She seems to have not given rhought to some of the simplest questions when she states that the fact that they both have jobs will provide security.

    What if the new boyfriend (or she for that matter) simply decides that they want out. Where is the security then? She needs to ask questions like who will get the child to and. From activities and friends houses? Who will be meeting with her teachers? Who will coach him in football? She expresses doubt about monitoring a teenager. Has she discussed this with a boyfriend. If she has I think she would use a different word like partner or mate.

    Marriage is important because children need definition. The framework of marriage is one way to provide that. Perhaps the pervasiveness of unmarried families broken families divorce and lack of personal commitment is the underlying cause of the state of the world that OP asks about.
     
  17. boobjob

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    I need a link to some source for statistics like from a census before I can believe this conclusory assertion.
     
  18. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    How "new" of a boyfriend are we talking?

    And Maverick: be nice some people are uncomfortable with unmarried couples having kids, and igor: don't push religious beliefs, it's the 21st century, lots of long term couples never get married. Let's all have a group hug.
    [​IMG]
     
    #18 ninja08hippie, May 10, 2012
    Last edited: May 10, 2012
  19. Dragon_Fire

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    Actually I don't know about statistics but I personally know very few people my age and younger who are married. I personally have never been married but have an 11 year old daughter.

    I find it funny though, that people think marriage is a bigger commitment than having a child. A marriage can be broken and written off as if it never happened, even if things get expensive in the proceedings but you can never undo a child. Once you have a child with someone you are stuck with them for life. Even if you go your separate ways, one look at your precious offspring will remind you of their other parent. Then there's school concerts, graduations, the child's wedding (if one happens), the birth of your child's children and so on. There's always going to be reasons to cross paths with your ex, married or not.
     
  20. boobjob

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    Count me in on the group hug. And forgive me if I accidentally grope you DF. For the record, my wife and I are godparents for our friends son. She is a single mother by choice having conceived with sperm from a donor. She thought long and hard about that choice. We have tha utmost respect for that and support her 110 percent.

    My concern for OP is that she hasn't given enough thought to the massive commitment of having a child.