Have A Happy Period

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Barbwire, Mar 14, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

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    AN OPEN LETTER TO
    MR. JAMES THATCHER,
    BRAND MANAGER,
    PROCTER & GAMBLE.
    - - - -


    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

    As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!



    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

    Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?



    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.



    For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending BS. And that's a promise I will keep.

    Always.

    Best,

    Wendi Aarons
    Austin, TX
     
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Fuck Yea!!
     
  3. Bella

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    Amen Sister!! :cheer

    A Happy Period...can I get a noose for the person who thought that little gem up? :shrug

    We call it "shark week" around my neck of the woods! :rofl
    ~Bella
     
  4. Bluesy

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    :rofl I'd confess to very rarely getting PMS/menstruation mood swings, but I'm afraid the ladies here might be in the throes of TTOTM and have some torches and a noose handy :ugh
     
  5. Dreama

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    You know, I have often wondered what kind of a sick statement that is. I just went on Birth control, and I swear I've been cramping every single day of my period. Now, who the hell can tell me to be happy? Really?Definately not the people that capatalize on my pain.
     
  6. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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  7. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

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    Wow! That's just crazy to say to anyone on their period! :)
     
  8. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Clench your fists
    fell the pain
    now knock that f**ker
    out standing in the rain.

    I'm just going to back away slowly,
    I cant say i know the pain, but i can understand that it must be complete agony for many females so when a male comes out with a dumb ass saying, perhaps they should ask
    " a woman " so they get something that fits the time of month.
     
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Another letter I recieved 'forwarded' via email........

    Dear Kotex,

    I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a
    bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

    -Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
    -Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
    -Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
    -Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

    Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
    functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO
    HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling
    fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at
    it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the
    vending machine. I guarangoddamntee that the first responders will be
    females who just ovulated.

    Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
    products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
    from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
    their own recipes for survival, many of which contain alcohol.

    Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS
    ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough
    to send a girl running to the Always brand.

    Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a
    fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or
    bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put
    the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts
    discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer!! There is
    nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing
    your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate goal of your
    product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at
    the point of purchase.

    So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass. (Try
    drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while
    you're doing it!)

    Ovarily Yours


    Miss PMS
     
  10. SexyScorp

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    Dear Mr Thatcher

    [​IMG]

    lol
     
  11. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    Same here. Can't really relate to all of this but i guess i should be glad about that.
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Exactly...why do they have to make the box so goddamn bright? Do they think I want everyone in the store to know I've got my period? :rollseyes:
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    You know ( im sorry for butting in here Girls ) i think id feel far safer locked in a cage with hungry lions, then in a room filled with females that were on that time of the mounth ....

    They should make a pill that relieves all the pain and bad feelins , with no side effects...

    Just wondering how many of you have had or do enjoy ( or hate depending ) having sex during a period ?
     
  14. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Actually I'm usually hornier when I'm on my period. We just place a towel on the bed and go for it as usual. It's a great way to relieve those cramps. :p
     
  15. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I enjoy making love when a woman is on as well, seems tighter and the feel is so so good, i dont kind a bit making love when females are on ...
    Its messy sure but nothing a sensual sexy shower cant fix :)
     
  16. pirouette

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    Nope. No fucking during my period. I could use relief from the cramps, but I just get seasick and puke. My stomach can't take it. :ugh
    :puke
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Its not for everyone....
    I have been with 2 females who enjoyedhaving sex during menstration, most havnt though...
    Ill ader to their wishes....but i personaly dont have a problem during that time to make love to her slowly..
     
  18. Barbwire

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    Well, aren't you just the fucking Man Of The Year! [​IMG][​IMG]
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    hahahaha roflmfao... lucky i got my suit of armor on :p
    But it doesnt stop the realy loud ringing in my head dammmm woman im going to have to try an make a brick proff helmet for protection , your brutal lmao :p
     
  20. Barbwire

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    Look again, that weren't no brick. :dgrin