Guys... why?

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by xdollface, Sep 26, 2011.

  1. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    So while my boyfriend is mind-blowing with his tongue & deserves a medal for it when he eats me out... he seems to not understand that I DON'T want him going straight for my clit - but in most cases he does this & it can be really uncomfortable. I guess over time I just learned to lay back & deal with it.. but I really want to make him understand I need him to take his time.., use his lips too, and touch surrounding areas to warm me up. He does this once in a blue moon, & while he claims to love eating me out, I don't know how else to try and tell him... what can I do? :ugh
     
  2. octavius

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    Inexperience. There is no real male analogue to that problem (unless your boyfriend gets really sensitive after he cums). It's always the right time for a penis to be sucked :). I think part of the problem is the reaction when a guy jumps into the clitoris too early kinda sorta looks like you are enjoying it to the untrained male. Your problem reminds me of this Monty Python sketch (go to 2:55 and start from there :p)

    Monty Python's sex-ed - YouTube


    You could talk with him and/or find a good video (probably not the above video) to bring up the subject and then talk about it after. He needs to learn about delayed gratification because good foreplay is essential for better stronger orgasms and for most women access to their G spot.
     
    #2 octavius, Sep 26, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2011
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    Why not try guiding his head with your hands, or giving him guidance with words. I have much the opposite problem - I like to take a lot of time getting to her spot, and she sometimes has to give me some "help" getting there. In the same way you could get him to approach your spot more slowly by asking him to slow down, or "make me want it more," or "kiss my belly this way," or by putting your hand over your pussy and say "ooooh, not yet." Just keep the comments positive, and once he does get there, give him a reward if he was a good boy and did it your way.
     
  4. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    I've tried guiding him with my hands, & he just gets defensive, saying I am pushing him away when I'm not :/ He likes jumping to his own conclusions about everything.
     
  5. ply

    ply
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    She used to just grab me by the head and grind to her delight. I didn't have much option but to hit the spots she wanted. I always felt so used.
     
  6. ply

    ply
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    If he won't listen, give him one more chance and after that find a new tongue. I'll volunteer mine for stunt work

     
  7. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    He's not always the best listener... I think I am just running out of options. Some sessions he will be fine with it & will slow down when I ask.. other times it seems he gets frustrated & just stops altogether - and then I feel undesired.. & that just creates another fight. :/
     
  8. ply

    ply
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    When he tries stopping is the best time to grab his head and guide him with all your might.
    If he refuses to be educated he's probably to immature to waste your time on.
     
  9. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    I guess we'll see where this goes tonight ;O


     
  10. ply

    ply
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    Good luck. Happy cummings to you
     
  11. sayss18

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    Perhaps you could try putting whipped cream, honey or something in the places you'd like him to go, so he has to follow it like a treasure trail with his mouth.
     
  12. lbushwalker

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    Xdollface; so he love licking and sucking your pussy yet does not listen to what you want.
    That simply mean:"he love licking and sucking your pussy"
    in other words he does it for his own gratification and not yours!
    Sorry but IMHO he is a loser (or soon will be) if he does not change his ways.
     
  13. HardRocker

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    I'm with Bushwalker on that one. If he cared about your pleasure as much as his, he would try to do it the way you ask. He won't even do it the way you insist.
     
  14. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    The night before last he showed some improvement.. it was pretty amazing. But we'll see how long it lasts. I don't really think it's him being selfish about his own pleasure, I think he loves seeing me get off, actually. I also think it turns him on more.
     
  15. Alwayslearningsex

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    Do you think this idea can work: Take his head in your hands, move him from place to place, tell him to kiss, lick, suck wherever he is to suit your desires and make him build up the pleasure until it becomes ,,, well until you let him go as he pleases to conclude his oral loving.
     
  16. mattman52

    mattman52 New Member

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    It's sometimes hard for a man to know what the girl likes. In my experience, one night she likes one thing, the next, something totally different. He's doing his best.
     
  17. Essene

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    It's not really an issue of care regarding her pleasure. It's the sense of conquest. Sure, there are a slew of lads who care solely for their own climax. There are those who truly care about their partner's climax or enjoyment. But there are also those who like the feeling of power when they please a woman orally. For many, oral sex is more personal. This seems to rein true especially for women.

    I believe that this obsession with "clitoris first" could come from multiple places:

    The clitoris is essentially an inhibited phallus. Visa-versa, the penis is a progressed clitoris. That doesn't suggest a system of levels where "one evolved more" just that one is smaller, typically, with more centered nerve endings- and one is larger, usually, with more spread out nerve endings. That's the physiologically-correlative approach. A male things, well- I like the glans of my phallus payed special attention to, I'm sure she must love the same thing.

    And many do. I have heard plenty of women suggest that you "go for the clit, and don't stop licking 'till I/she comes". Many males, just as many females, take the advice from one or two females and call it the "law of the land" completely and irrationally forgetting that people are, quite often, different.

    The other is porn. When a girl or a guy performs oral as a means of foreplay on a female in porn- where do they go? They don't usually gingerly caress the labia with their lips while running the ends of their fingers up/down her inner thigh. Or any other form of foreplay. No. Typically, they go directly for the clitoris. People emulate what they see in distortions of things especially sex.

    There isn't really a completely right way to go about sex; but there is a wrong way and that is always up to the receiver. That'd be you. If he's pig headed, he's pig headed. With lads like that, you have to (as a female friend told me once) suggest the idea while letting him believe it's completely his own idea. Apparently, from what she says, males are completely or mostly oblivious to this.

    I don't mean to oversimplify the male half of the species. And, honestly, I don't really believe her in regards to myself. But she must be right about, if not all of what she believes, part of it as it is her own experience.

    Anyways, I don't know if you posted that you have talked to him about it- but beyond talking and what I wrote above... your line of questioning is right. What else is there? He's doing something to you that you dislike. You shouldn't have to "get used to it" or "pretend you like it" or even "adapt to it until you like it". What is paramount is that you are happy with what occurs with your body the first tongue lashing, finger protrusion, bust grapple, etc and NOT having to ease in to it.

    I can get long winded, so I'll leave it that.

    P.S.-

    That's the issue Mattman. If your experience is true for a lot of lads out there, then he should try to switch up his routine. It doesn't seem like this is the case for the OP.

    For some males, merely speaking and the power of suggestion is enough to breach the sexual gap. For some, being awkward, cute, sheepish is enough. For some, being rough and to-the-point is enough. And for others, gentle hands, a soft tongue, and patient lips are what does the trick. Yes, some women like the whole "smack it up down there, abuse my clit" bit, but not all. Just the same, and I'm sure there are threads who mirror this, some women hate it that their partner doesn't go for their clitoris or that they're too gentle.

    What is lacking here is proper communication. I'm not blaming OP entirely as it seems like he is the one whose fault it is.
     
    #17 Essene, Sep 29, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2011
  18. xdollface

    xdollface New Member

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    I'd say it's possible.. although he can be very stubborn when it comes to listening, he is very open to learning new things in bed..
     
  19. rocketman122

    rocketman122 New Member

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    maybe try a "control" game and tell him that he cant lick your clit till you tell him. let him give you 5-10 minute warm up time buy licking your labia, pussy hole, ass, and when you give him the signal tell him he can start with the clit..just a suggestion.

    me personally I tease my GF and dont go near her clit for a few minutes to the point she starts rubbing herself. I smack her hand playfully and tell her not to touch..that her pussy is now mine and I'll do what I want. I tease her by pumping her for a few minutes, then lick her, then pump again, and lick her, and after I see she needs to cum bad then I lick her clit and let her cum.
     
  20. busysexy

    busysexy New Member

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    I had a similar issue whith my wife when she gave me head, she would just start going porn star on my dick and it was tough to enjoy it. Then one night i told her we are going to have a yes, maybe, no game, and it went down like this. I had her play with my cock, balls, and all the erotic areas, and i would answer yes, no, maybe (not to bad) to all the actions and places she touched or fondled. Then got into using her mouth and tougne, as she played and i answered yes, no,maybe. I offered some direction but didnt exactly tell her what to do i let her decide and invent her own methods of providing me with a great oral experiance. Then we did the same kind of game when i went down on her. We explored and did alot of neat things orally so now we know what each of us like and what gets us off. I kind of always thought YAY go for the clit and thats all i have to do, SWEET. But since we have played the exploration game i have learned that i can get her off quicker and provide a better quality orgasm for her. I learned what areas and what tecnuiques to use. Dunno if this may help but it was alot of fun.
     
    #20 busysexy, Oct 21, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2011