Guys who stay single

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by backcheck64, May 21, 2011.

  1. backcheck64

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    Found this, though it may apply to some on here.



    5 eligible guys who stay single

    By Matt Schneiderman

    We all know this guy — or are this guy: in his 30s, affable, attractive, and yet he’s never been in a serious long-term relationship. And as his single status stretches into a third decade, one has to wonder: What’s the deal? Far from being undateable, this guy may simply not be ready to change his independent ways. Or, he may be all too willing to do so — but something’s blocking him. If you feel you may fall into the latter category (or know someone who does), stop worrying about what’s slowing you down and read on to learn about how five types of die-hard bachelors contribute to their perpetually single status and what steps to take to break the cycle.

    The workaholic
    For the guy who makes work priority number one, a relationship can seem like a hindrance for which he hasn’t the time or energy. It’s likely that he’s set lofty career goals for himself — perhaps finishing medical school, rising to make partner in his law firm or starting his own business — with personal deadlines (say, by age 35). Take it from Doug, 31, of Washington, D.C.: “My main focus is getting to a point in my career where I am stable and accomplished enough to move on to a job that I really want to do,” he says. “I can’t sacrifice or compromise my career path for anyone yet.”


    Reality check: Waiting for the “right time” isn’t the solution, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “This guy needs to understand that life doesn’t start when he schedules it,” Dr. Kerner points out. And it needn’t be a lonely climb to the top: rather than derail his career, a supportive mate could provide stability, encouragement and an attentive ear. And for the guy who is working to become husband material, consider this: 91 percent of women in a Match.com survey reported that they tend to fall in love with a moderately successful career person with a balanced life rather than a very successful workaholic.

    The partier
    For this guy, weekends in Vegas and hitting up the newest parties and clubs has too much appeal to entertain the possibility of settling down. Says self-described “committed bachelor” Sean, 30, of Brooklyn: “I go out to have a good time — mingle, dance, have fun — and not to meet someone.”

    Reality check: As the Seans of the world mature, they may notice that their party-hearty peers are becoming fewer in number or that the average age of his social circle — and of his dates — remains constant as he ages. Another warning sign? More numbers in his cell phone for “friends with benefits” than those belonging to actual friends. The bottom line is, for all the fun of casual encounters and late nights out, a partier would do well to understand that a committed relationship has its own joys, too — even excitement and novelty. “These guys are adrenaline junkies, and they fear that a commitment to one person will be no fun,” says Dr. Kerner. “But really getting to know one person in a relationship can be a source of passion and adrenaline, too.”

    The shy guy
    It’s a fact: Meeting women requires conversation — which can be problematic for a shy guy and can stunt his relationship prospects. “I go out with the express purpose of meeting people, but I hardly ever screw up enough courage to talk to strangers,” admits Alex, 31, of Raleigh, NC. “Even if I do, I wuss out and leave before I get anywhere.”

    Reality check: Rather than forcing social behavior in a high-stress situation, like at a loud nightclub, shy guys may be better off searching for potential mates who share the same affinities. “The shy guy doesn’t have to walk up to someone cold,” says Dr. Kerner. “Instead, he should put himself in situations that present opportunities for easy conversation.” Dr. Kerner suggests theater clubs, team sports or anything else with expectations for regular participation, like volunteering. Or, if you do start dating someone, suggest making it a double date or an activity date, thereby reducing the pressure of a one-on-one outing.

    The too-picky guy
    For all his many, many first dates, this guy is resolutely single, never having met anyone who quite fits his mold for the ideal mate. He is convinced that there is someone out there and is alternately determined to find The One or frustrated by his inability to do so. Says Andrew, 30, of Scarsdale, NY: “It’s impossible for me to compromise. I can’t settle for someone who doesn’t attract me physically, emotionally, intellectually and so on.” Compounding this inability to compromise is the belief that perfection in another personal really exists — a notion that could lend itself to fantasies of discovering love at first sight. “A guy with impossibly high standards may fall for someone, but then he’ll see this person’s flaws and imperfections and become disappointed,” says Dr. Kerner. Unfortunately, this can lead to discounting potentially great matches, as the picky guy may be unwilling to give a date with, say, a tendency to use emoticons in emails or “too short” hair a chance.

    Reality check: What these guys need to accept is that no one’s perfect — and include themselves in that statement. And, in Dr. Kerner’s opinion, “There is no such thing as a soul mate,” he says. “Rather, it’s the journey of building a great relationship over time that leads to a ‘soul mate’-type of closeness.” So the next time you’re iffy about a girl, give her more of a chance before you write her off.

    The none-of-the-above guy
    Of course, there are guys who might not fall into (just) one of these categories, who are comfortable with themselves, outgoing and trying to meet someone to share their lives with — but for whom it just hasn’t happened yet. Guys like “chronically single” Greg, 30, of Boston, explains: “I’m ready to give my heart to someone and to do some hard work to find her, but I have yet to find that person.”

    Reality check: Keeping adages such as “Love happens when you least expect it” in mind may not totally assuage feelings of “What the heck is going on here?” Suffice to say that this still-single guy is not alone — and won’t be for long if he keeps an open mind, gets active in organizations that provide opportunities to meet others and gives luck (or some effort) a chance to work. “Regardless of his circumstances, the important thing for a single guy in his 30s to do is to put himself in situations where he’s meeting women — whether it’s making time to join in activity groups, dating online or signing up for singles’ events,” says Dr. Kerner. So, single guy, keep your chin up and continue taking those leaps of faith into the dating pool. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone who sees you for the catch you truly are.

    Matt Schneiderman is a writer based in New York City
     
  2. Slevinish

    Slevinish New Member

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    I guess I'm too picky. I am only attracted to women who've never had sex and aren't fat.

    so much to ask, I know.

    To be fair its not like I haven't tried to date a woman who's flaws I was well aware of. I tried hard. I just couldn't do it. It just wasn't there.
     
  3. cbrmale

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    It's best to date women or marry women who have had sex with a few partners, as the extra experience and confidence helps. I think limiting oneself in this way is a possible sign of lack of confidence in one's sexual abilities, maybe? I behave naturally, do what I do as well as I do it, am good natured and good humoured while we are having sex, and I know the sex will be good for the woman I am with.
     
  4. 33stack

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    and if one of those "few partners was you, how would that be an advantage to an average girth guy????? :p
     
  5. Alwayslearningsex

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    Back check, I even wonder if there are more categories, seriously.
     
  6. backcheck64

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    There could be, I didn't write the article, but it seemed to apply to some of the posters on here.

    I'm the too picky type, that was until I found a woman that fit all of my parameters. Like I've said, went through 46 to get to the right one at 47.
     
  7. Slevinish

    Slevinish New Member

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    I don't think its seeking perfection to want a girl slightly better than myself.
     
  8. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    I have always wondered how people can keep count. Dian't you lose track at some point?
     
  9. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    shouldnt we all want that? i don't see how its a bad thing to want someone who you think is as good or better than you.

    like rupaul says....if you cant love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else ;D

    i dont agree with the shy guy
     
  10. Untamed

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    Interesting read thanks for sharing! I personally think there are more categories lol
     
  11. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    I know that I am not an easy man to handle ... I know which type of girls who can suit me .. and this type is no more existing .. so I am waiting for a new batch ...
     
  12. cbrmale

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    I'm about 1 in 100, so the chances are that she won't have experienced my thickness. Even so, be the best you can and all will be good. I've had partners rather than girlfriends who have had a lot of partners before me, and I never let it worry me. There's more to sex than size, and experience and confidence go a long way regardless of whether your girlfriend has no men before you, a few men before you for a few dozen men before you.

    I never bothered counting, and later I did some mental arithmetic of so many years equals so many months multipled by an average so many girls per month equals maybe 100, but probably many more.
     
  13. backcheck64

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    You always remember your first few, then I got into a contest with a friend based on numbers, after that, you just keep track. I can give you a breakdown of blondes, burnettes, and redheads too. I'm into sports, I like stats.
     
  14. backcheck64

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    What if your self love enters the the level of infatuation? LOL I know a couple of people that stalk themselves...but don't have enough love left for anyone else.
     
  15. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    So do you count orgasms too?:lol
     
  16. backcheck64

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    Nope, just women, there are bonus points for anal though.