[Ask a Guy] guys - is getting sex regularly the biggest motivation to enter a relationship

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by yeshyeshyesh, May 5, 2011.

  1. yeshyeshyesh

    yeshyeshyesh New Member

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    because you feel that getting casual sex, FWB's, casual relationships with women is not that easy and requires lot of effort.

    so you think in order to get sexual intimacy on a regular basis conveniently, its better to commit to a woman.

    is this true or is sex w/o strings, FWB's, casual relationships, having fuck buddies, on a regular basis never a problem for most men?
     
  2. Meee

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    A relationship requires a lot of effort.
     
    #2 Meee, May 5, 2011
    Last edited: May 5, 2011
  3. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    it depends. fwb has no connection really... just physical release. personally, i'd rather a reltationship. if sex is your motivation for a relationship, then i doubt it'll last long. there is so much more to relationship then just sex. so if you are just looking for sex, then don't bother with a relationship. also, if you find it difficult to have sex regularly when you aren't in a relationship then you are probably trying to hard...
     
  4. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    Well .... it's about which of them is driving you more .. your brain or your dick ?!
     
  5. Trond

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    For me? No. Falling in love is. Sex can lead to falling in love, or the other way round of course :)
    This is true though. Some can't do it at all. The "effort" is often all about making yourself seem more of a catch than you really are.

    Sounds logical, but it often doesn't work out that way.:ugh

    I know of very few men who ever did a lot of this kind of thing, and even fewer who can keep going at it for very long (I don't know a single one to be honest). If you are some kind of celebrity (or perhaps filthy rich), you may be able to pull it off, but even superstars often fall into alternative options:
    1. they have more-or-less steady relationships, or
    2. they visit prostitutes.
    (or 3. they do both at the same time :eyes)

    I suspect that casual relationships and "fuck buddies" are a bit like serial killers; they are real, but the media and internet give you the impression that they are much more common than they actually are.:lol
     
    #5 Trond, May 5, 2011
    Last edited: May 5, 2011
  6. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Umm. a part of me thinks the premise of the question is so wrong that the only way to find the answer is to try it and find out for yourself.

    So, the answer could be yes... in the same way that wanting more money is the biggest motivation for robbing a bank.

    If you're asking if entering a relationship leads to getting sex regularly in a way that is easier than the alternatives... several questions rolled into one.

    Do you get sex regularly? more than you do by yourself, maybe less than when you first meet.

    Is it easier/less work? It's more work than being by yourself. It's more work than finding someone. In this question, the advantage of a relationship is that you probably get less rejection. You will still get rejected for sex though, count on it.

    If you get past sex and have an actual relationship, the sex will be better. If you don't it will get boring
     
  7. cbrmale

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    For those who haven't done it, a friend with benefits DOES have a connection and is someone more than a mastubatory aid! You like one-another, you have sex, you may even hang out beyond sex. The next level back, casual sex, can be earth shattering, but only if the two of you have a connection for the entire time you're together. Both types of relationships suit certain personality types, those who are more extroverted.

    My long term relationships were based on love: and love has many elements. Shared interests, good conversations, compatible personalities, shared ambitions and good sex. Without the sexual connection we wouldn't be together. Sex is part of it but not all, and relationships are hard work at the beginning. To be sure, a friend with benefits is much easier, low maintenance, but love in itself, that which is beyond sex, is what makes a true relationship worthwhile.
     
  8. yeshyeshyesh

    yeshyeshyesh New Member

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    i thought Norway was much more sexually liberated than the US. and getting casual relationships, FWB's and fuck buddies would be a lot easier.
     
  9. yeshyeshyesh

    yeshyeshyesh New Member

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    i think ppl are missing the point here. im talking from the perspective of a male who doesnt feel like committing, is commitment phobic or just isnt ready. but obviously wants sex on a reasonably frequent basis. do you think a guy can feel coerced by his sexual needs to actively seek out commitment (and treat love as a by-product).
     
  10. cbrmale

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    I understand, and I was committment-phobic for a long time, which is why I had 100 partners or so. I was psychologically damaged goods from a fairly traumatic upbringing. In that stage of my life I didn't seek relationships at all, only casual sex, although sometimes our time together led to friendship and regular sex, or a friend with benefits relationship. But I never sought one of those, it just happened. Both of you realise you like each other, you get on well together and the sex was good too!

    My first love came with a woman who was radically different to anyone I had met before, and my psychological aversion to relationships didn't apply, as with her I knew I would never find myself in the situation I was avoiding.
     
  11. yeshyeshyesh

    yeshyeshyesh New Member

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    the difference is that you never actively sought relationship/commitment. it just happened naturally, which is ideal. but before that you seem to be having a great time.....no problems getting intimacy on a regular basis (100 partners). id like to see how many men can identify with the situation when they actively look for relationships because other arrangements for sex (casual sex relationships) are not easy to pull off (I agree with Trond)

    i believe that the situation is more common than people think, but most men dont introspect.
     
    #11 yeshyeshyesh, May 8, 2011
    Last edited: May 8, 2011
  12. Trond

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    It's complicated :). Norwegians don't get as offended by a pair of boobs on the TV screen, and in general: the religious right is not as strong. On the other hand, Norwegians tend to be a little shy, so most people feel that they have to be drunk senseless to have casual sex. :lol

    On top of that, we have some strong moralizers on the LEFT in politics, who tend to kill the fun if you ask me. They even suggested to make strip clubs illegal because all men who enjoy that kind of thing must be woman-haters, right? :eyes
     
  13. GreyGoose

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    A relationship is a lot of effort. I had more sex when I was just hooking up.
     
  14. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    its just as easy to get sex whether you are in a relationship or not. whether you're commitment phobic or not. being in a relationship doesn't mean you'll get more sex then not being in a relationship.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    Overall, people in relationships have more sex than people who are not in relationships. Doesn't mean each and every relationship or single person, just in total.
     
  16. backcheck64

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    You get in a relationship because you enjoy spending time with that person. It's someone you'd rather share your time with than anyone else. You can get sex without a relationship, I was having sex multiple times a week without relationships, but when you meet someone that is the only one you want to have sex with, thats when you start a relationship.
     
  17. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    bottom line is. no sex is not a huge factor in getting into a relationship.
     
  18. penguins4fuel

    penguins4fuel New Member

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    Every time I've ever tried "fwb" I ended up getting attached. I'm sure I don't speak for all men, but I find it very difficult to seperate emotion from sex.
    As far as sex being a motivation to get into a relationship, I don't think so. Sex IS however criticly important in the maintainence of any long term relationship, for a number of reasons.
    Sex releases certain chemicals in our brains that prevent long term depression, that releave worries, and create/strengthen a subconscious emotional bond with your partner. This is why I believe that fwb never worked for me.
    Sex brings both partners closer by allowing them to be completely open and vulnerable with one another, promoting a need for the other person.
    Not only does sex make you feel good about each other, it improves personal self esteem as well. Feeling attractive and desired can have amazing effects on one's social life as well as creating positive energy within the relationship. Someone who feels attractive is much more likely to be more adventurous and outgoing in the bedroom, thus improving the quality of the other partner's experience, which contributes to THEIR improved self esteem.
    I would tell men that sex's effect on a relationship is similar to that of a turrbocharger on a car: the more exhaust gasses that go through the turbo, the faster the turbine spins, thus producing more exhaust gasses, and so on.
    In short, sex can produce an exponential growth of the imtimacy and quality of life between two people. When two people who don't care about each other to begin with have sex, it isn't healthy, cuz to be honest, it just ain't right.
     
  19. Druthers

    Druthers New Member

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    Not at all... any guy in the world can get regular sex if he wants it, whether inside or outside of a relationship.

    It takes more than fucking someone you don't know, to keep yourself warm.
     
  20. 6stringking

    6stringking Member

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    Not going to quote everyone, But i would never enter a relationship just because of sex, i would have to have a emotional attachment to the person, and i would also have to be attracted to her in the first place, that being said, I would not commit to a relationship where there is no sex, no foreplay, no nothing, not even getting eachother off. I believe sex is a big part of relationships and is VERY healthy, not only healthy for the relationship, but its healthy physically and mentally for each person. So if my girlfriend just started witholding sex and all other forms of sexual behaviors for an extended period of time, 4-6 months lets say, and doesnt give me a reason besides just cause, we are going to be having a serious talk, because it can be a huge part of a relationship, and for me it is. I encourage someone to say im shallow and prove why. :p