God In The Bedroom?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by 10_3XL, Apr 22, 2014.

  1. 10_3XL

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    **NOTE: I know I dropped the "G" word, and this post does have to do with religion/spirituality/belief, but if everyone could please try to keep it at the very least civil! I'm not trying to spark debates, arguments, fights, or anything else - I just want to get some perspective...**

    It was not until recently that I finally got around to introducing The Lady to my family, friends, and community members. This was largely out of great uncertainty as to how accepting they would all be of her. As I had feared I have been getting a lot of grief from my family/community members for being with a "Shiksa" (non-Jewish woman). She has told me that she has been getting the same from her family/church members/some friends for being with a "Christ-hater and non-Believer." She's been enduring this since she first introduced me around back when we first got together and became "serious" about one another.

    I'm very interested to hear everyone else's thoughts on Religion/Belief's place in a relationship: Is it an important factor? Should it be? How much/little of a deciding point are the religious convictions of a partner for you? Do incompatible religious/spiritual beliefs make for incompatible people (therefore a failed relationship)?

    I hadn't thought about this issue until this point in my life. I always lived under the impression that Love was what mattered; not which God (if any) you believe in...
     
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  2. JonJo

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    First question: How important is it to you two?
    Second: How important are your families/communities to you two?
    Third: If you had kids how important would it be to bring them up with/in a religion?

    Answer those three and you've got your answer.
     
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  3. 10_3XL

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    To be concise: The importance of it is irrelevant when put next to the importance of having someone you care for/love.

    Perhaps I will write a Long Rant about this and post in that thread. :)
     
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  4. HotForHoney

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    When I met ex, he wasn't Jewish. As it got serious, he was ok raising any children as Jewish so it didn't matter to me. My mom is Jewish, dad isn't.

    I would be upset if my son didn't raise his kids Jewish but as long as he was happy and his kids had some guidance, I hope I could understand/respect.

    Now that I'm older and not planning on having another child, religion doesn't factor in as much. In fact, I've never had a relationship with a Jewish man.

    It's between you and The Lady. You need to be secure with your decision how you'd raise any kids you may have.

    At Passover my son said he celebrated both holidays. My mom corrected him saying he celebrates Passover and respects dad celebrating Easter. Not sure he understood the difference yet but he's only 6!
     
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  5. JonJo

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    Didn't want to say more because I'm in a 'snarling mood' today but I hate any people/communities/religions/societies, or whomsoever that put others into 'packets' - be it for whatever reason.
    We are all humans, for all or our many differences, and should be just accepted as such.
    Many things have (tried to) divided us into 'separate groups', each thinking that they are better than the other - but religion has been/is the worst of them all.
    Even with-in a given 'religion' there are separate groups, to the extent that the group you belong to seems to become more important than the 'God' the group (supposedly) reveres.

    In your case it becomes even 'stupider' - all the accepted tenets of both religions are based on the teachings of Judaism (Old Testament) and what everybody seems to forget is that 'Christ' (Messiah or Prophet) was himself a Jew and was proud of it.
    Whether Messiah or prophet the one thing he defiantly taught/preached was we are all equals in the eyes of 'God'; so love each other.

    Going to shut up now before I really start ranting.
     
  6. 10_3XL

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    I agree! While having a faith is important to me, I do not preach it/force it on others or let other people's decisions on the matter affect how I view/treat them... well, at least I try, but some of you Goyim out there... Just kidding. ;)

    ANYWAY (avoiding getting into a religion yes or no discussion...) It is definitely a challenge that will take much time and work for us. Neither of us wants to lose our family, friends, or communities but we also do not want to forsake what we have with each other for their sakes. Right now we are contented to spend our time with just each other and our accepting friends/acquaintances/family members, but plan to try to bring the others who are not as accepting or flat-out opposed around -- which if they do not then FUCK THEM! (Their loss anyway.)

    *sighs* Oy vey! Why do things that should be so simple have to be made so complicated?! :rolleyes:
     
  7. backcheck64

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    Sounds like both sides have great values LOL. Sooo glad we are atheist. We don't care what her family thinks, and my parents who were raised catholic, catholic shool and university, grandmother would run around spreading holy water during storms, etc, after long discussions are now agnostic. We didn't take our kids to any church, we didn't indoctrinate them but both went with friends families a few times to services. My son came home saying "Those people are fucked up, did they have their brains removed" which my wife hit me after saying yes. My daughter thought it was a hoot that , that many people could be that brainwashed. Both wanted to know where the facts were as well as science. We explained that they were using books written by uneducated men and translated MULTIPLE times over a couple of thousand years. Both rolled their eyes. My daughter pointed out that the biggest of the bible thumpers she knew were as far from the "teachings of the church" as possible. They were the meanest of the mean girls, far and away the most judgemental. My daughter is the one that, while these kids were making fun of an overweight girl running slowly, taunting her, went back out after turning in the second fastest time on the mile and jogged with her giving her encouragement. While being atheist, she was by far the most Christian of the bunch. I remember being drug to church every Sunday and people I knew were human crap would parade to communion, it was just a chance to show off new clothes, jewelry, new cars, a total sham. I'm glad my kids saw through the garbage and made the choice of a "nonbeliever" but good human beings. Both of my sisters quickly realized religion was poison. We don't have much to do with the rest of our family, cousins, etc, and that's fine with us. If you really care for this woman, be prepared to abandon friends and family, as she will too. Maybe you both could convert to Buddhism. If you both adhere to your religious beliefs, children will be an issue. Both of you should sit down and watch the Cosmos series running on FOX and say "where the fuck does god come into anything. You guys need to sit down and think about how much you really mean to each other and can you tell the others to fuck off, will it last and if it doesn't, how many bridges will be burned and do you have the nuts to go on without family members.
     
  8. 10_3XL

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    It is funny you should mention some of these things. Though I am Jewish by birth, choice, and so on I am not opposed to incorporating other ideas/beliefs/practices that make sense into myself. I have read many many many books on various religions as well as the holy texts for most religions out there and have yet to find one that I couldn't at least agree with one thing on. So my beliefs in reality end up being a unique blend of Judaic, Buddhist, Hindu, American Indian, Shinto, Humanist, and on and on and on... If it makes sense, is positive, and works then I will "use it..."
    Also, LOVE Cosmos - grew up watching the original Carl Sagan (and have much-read copies of his books on my shelf) and now am thoroughly enjoying the new version. Religious/spiritual/whatever-label-you-choose, I may be but that does not mean I am anti-Science or anti-Truth or anti-Understanding. My biggest and only TRUE hatred in this existence is my hatred for ignorance...
    We are definitely hashing things out currently and gauging just how far we will go with all of this before we choose to call it off between us or call it off with everyone else. It is not a pleasant situation to be in, but that is Life!
    Thanks for your contribution! It was good enough that I'll even forgive you for not believing in God. ;) (A joke, a joke! Truly it is all a personal choice and so it is not for me to judge or decide for any body other than myself.)
     
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  9. 12barblues

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    When I think about religion, I think about the world being flat. And how many centuries went by before we realized we were wrong.
     
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  10. backcheck64

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    Just think about how much further along society would be if everyone pulled their head out of their ass. Religion is responsible for 95% of the wars in the world and throughout history. Think about how much easier it would be to have relationships.
     
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  11. AGFUNK

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    We don't believe in religion and think it's the most ridiculous thing ever.
     
  12. 10_3XL

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    Hey all, I appreciate that I have sparked discussion and that you are contributing but I feel we are wandering... Not trying to censor or come across as offended/rude - far from it - just trying to keep focused on belief where it pertains to relationships/my particular situation. Thanks for your understanding!
     
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  13. AGFUNK

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    You really should talk all of this out with her. If you both have your beliefs that deep rooted it will likely cause problems later. Best to talk about it now before it becomes a problem. You may not want to deal with it but you kinda have no choice.
     
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  14. 33stack

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    If you are true believers there WILL be problems.
     
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  15. 10_3XL

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    Interesting... yes, I suppose you could look at it as a sort of test of our strength of faith/belief/convictions... and you are also very right... I can definitely see why some people call religion a miss! (Again: not that there is anything wrong with that!) :D
     
  16. sandwich

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    I don't believe "religion" is what God had in mind for the world. People have fucked it all up from the standpoint that it has become ritualistic and deeds oriented. What I mean by deeds oriented is having to keep a to do list of certain things that make it more likely that you will enter heaven. That is the biggest load of a BS lie that was ever invented.

    Abraham, the earliest Hebrew leader, belonged to God because of faith. He was as faulty as the rest of us. He lied to a king-type ruler by saying his wife was his sister. His wife was beautiful, and he was afraid he would be killed on account of that so he lied. So then his wife was taken as the ruler's wife because the ruler thought she was unmarried. Back then being taken as a wife implied sex. So Abraham's lie put her in that horrible position. You'd think he would have learned his lesson, but no, he told the same lie a second time. Despite all this, he was a man of faith, treasured by God as such, and God made a covenant with him full of his promises and provisions.

    I rather believe God is more into having a relationship with people than seeing us jump through a bunch of hoops. Whether we choose to have such a relationship is up to us since we have free will. I think if a person chooses a relationship with God, then the good that comes out of a them is because of thankfulness and not some score keeping agenda.

    I do think it helps to be on the same page spiritually with your partner, especially if God is really important to you. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who lived and breathed NASCAR. I love all sorts of sporting events, but I can't stand NASCAR.

    This is not to say a marriage of two people of differing faiths would not work. It would have to be sorted out just like everything else in marriage.

    Passover was mentioned above. I honor and recognize both Passover and Easter. I cannot separate them because I see the passing over of the Jewish homes (on account of them acting in faith according to God's directions) to be a foreshadowing of him passing over me on account of my putting my faith in Jesus. So yeah, some would call me a Christian. I do not refer to myself as such because what it means in the world today is so screwed up. Suffice it to say I have a relationship with him, and y'all probably realize that after being a member on here for over a year and a half, I am very far from perfect and good, so I feel confident saying that there is not a thing I can do in and of myself to enter his presence other than have faith and believe.

    I did not mean to get sidetracked. It's just that I hate "religion"....every last one of them. To me, God is my father, and I am his child. Religions are made up things....ways humans try to talk themselves into thinking that if they do x, y and z then they're okay. Check out the world religions and what people have to do to be "acceptable". Where is God in all that? Nowhere, because these things just make people honor themselves.
     
  17. cbrmale

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    Agnostic myself, but Christianity is anti-sexual so if you have a relationship with a believing Christian you may have problems as I have problems. She has since recognised the many problems and inconsistencies associated with organised religions and become agnostic like me.
     
  18. ginger

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    am I aloud to say ban all religion :eek:
     
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  19. minskminx

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    I have no belief except that I try to treat everyone equally and that no one really knows how things started and what started them.

    I wouldn't rule out being with someone with a faith, but it would have to be a mild faith.

    But more so I think I would need to be with someone with much more of a self identity than being a follower of the church or a set of artificial rules.

    I believe love is about two individuals coming together from this great mass of others. Finding and enjoying each other, the unlikelyness of it. To me religious people do not seem like individuals in a way that I find really attractive.
     
  20. RubyAsh

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    Strong relationships are foremost based on respect and tolerance for one another's beliefs and values. This is applicable to religion too. At the end of the day, if you believe in God, isn't God the one and the same regardless of the name you were brought up to call him/her/it? Its just the way you go about worshiping this God or the way you behave in an organized religious gathering that differs.

    I know you said that you and your lady are OK about it. The issue at hand are your respective families and friends. I say that if they love you as a family member they should learn to accept the path that you've chosen to take. If they don't accept, it really is their loss.
    Of course, I'm not saying that you should distance yourselves altogether from your families, but I think you should make it very clear to them that this is your life and you are entitled to decide whether religion is going to impact your relationship or not.

    I understand that religious holidays can be particularly difficult times and it may take a lot of time for them to get over your decision, but its a choice both of you need to make. What's more important to you: your relationship or what others think?

    I've been in a sort of similar position. I was brought up in a strict catholic family and was extremelly involved in church activities up until I met my husband. Husband did not believe in God. Avid follower of Carl Sagan and other similar scientists / thinkers. Took a while to get him accepted by my family and it was not easy, but the best thing we did was to move to another country (I know its extreme) and just disregard family's opinion. After a while they started missing us and they realized that we were happy as we were. That was almost the end of the issue (I'm saying almost because when children were born we still had the pressure about baptizing or not and giving them a religious education, but that's another story...).
     
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