Giving Up On Orgasm!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Silent22, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Hey guys, Ive been with this girl for a year and three months now.

    And I cannot give her an orgasm... Maybe I already have and I dont know but its really frustrating to me. The worst part is she doesnt like clit stimulation very much at all, to sensitive I guess. She says it "feels to good to handle" So I cant do that for more than 20 seconds before she has to close her legs and tell me to stop,

    I go down on her, I love to do so but all I ever do is make her real horny and she really likes when I do that. But still nothing...

    No orgasm through intercoarse, and when I finger her I cant seem to do it either!
    I do the cum hither motion for 10 or 15 mins, in and out and anything I can try and none seem to work.... She gets extremely wet and loves when I do the come hither motion and she grabs me and rakes at my back... but when I do it for so long she just tells me "okay" and I know shes done, and she likes it when I pull my fingers out really fast and that gives her a rush!

    Thing is she said she never orgasmed before herself. Ive had her so wet before I thought I did it, but I dont think I will ever be able to... i think im giving up now!
     
  2. Barbwire

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    Hate to say this, but, if she can't give herself an orgasm, there is little hope that you will be able to. She really needs some time alone to explore her body so she knows exactly what gets her off, then, she can share that info with you. It really is the best way.
     
  3. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    shes fingered herself before, she used to use some hair thing as a dildo when we talked on the phone. Then I bought her a vibrator that was about 7 inches long and she loved to use that. She had to throw that out after her house burned down and now I bought her a 10 inch dildo. Im trying to get her to explore herself, but I dont think shes to interested in masturbating herself because she says its better when I do it.

    Its really frustrating for me cuz I want nothing more than to make her feel good. Question is does she have to orgasm to have a successful sexual encounter?

    I think somtimes to myself if we broke up and had sex with another guy he could do it better than I do, I dont know if its me not being able to do it since she is my first sexual partner, but honestly Ive tried everything.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Hmm, perhaps you should come here and try your techniques out on me to see if you can get me off. :brow

    Seriously, dildos don't really do much unless a vibe is used to stimulate the clitoris. BUT, frankly, I find the best thing to use to explore my body are my own fingers. I'm not sure why she can't get herself off, but I have heard that some women just can't orgasm no matter what they do. For her sake, I hope she's not one of those.

    Now, can the sexual experience be "successful" without orgasm? Sure it can, but to me, sex without orgasm is like cake without frosting. It's good, but it ain't great.
     
  5. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    thats what im worried about. I want to make it the perfect experience everytime but its almost like I just do "okay" but to her im doing amazing! but to myself I feel let down because I cant give her the ultimate feeling, i will try and talk to her about our sex life tonight if she will...

    we have a long distance relationship right now, and I havent seen her for 2 and a half months because her house burned down, usually I see her alot more than that! but anyways it was her birthday weekend and our 1 year sex anniversary, I went down there expecting sex or atleast for her to do something to me. But it just turned out I fingered her 4 times in 3 days and used a dildo on her as well. She never returned the pleasure at all, im so mad/confused, maybe she found someone else, but it just doesnt seem fair that I did all that and she did shit all to me!

    the most she did was hold my penis after I fingered her, she massaged it very weekly almost like she was just tickling my arm (mine as well have been) and then she stopped and went to bed. The second night she did that I just took her hand away and told her to forget it I was so mad!
     
  6. Barbwire

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    WOW! In your last reply you raised so many new issues, I don't think I can handle them all. I hope like heck some more people chime in here because I think this is going to take a team effort.

    I know this sounds lame as hell, but it's all I have to offer....You are young. Love, sex, and relationships takes years to learn, foster, nurture, and get good at. I wish you luck, my friend.
     
  7. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    well definately thanks 2 you for everything you have said. Like I said I havent had the talk I wanted to with my girlfriend about these issues. I dont know how to bring up that I am upset about her not touching me this thanksgiving weekend I went down. She wouldnt even let me look at her when she got out of the shower she told me to look the other way? Oh my I guess all my answers are withhin her and I really cant get any help from you guys.

    As for the orgasm i will keep trying to give one to her. I guess I have another issue now, lack of any intimacy towards me, its alllll one sided it seems.
     
  8. lkio

    lkio New Member

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    Hi mate, sounds like you're having a hard time. Don't go thinking it's your problem though. You seem to be doing everything possible to get her to orgasm. The best part about sex is being able to give your partner an orgasm, so i can imagine how stressfull this is for you. If you love the girl, then keep trying. A good length of foreplay can really help.

    lkio
     
  9. Faust

    Faust New Member

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    Can she have an orgasm on her own? She needs to be able to do that before she can have one with you.
     
  10. MsEspresso

    MsEspresso New Member

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    Hmmm . . . tough one. Her not having an O is not your fault. It took me a long time to figure it out myself, when I started having sex. A lot of it was self confidence issues for me. I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to really relax and let it happen. I was worried about what I would look like while having one. And the fact that she hasn't had one by herself seems to explain to me why she just doesn't have much of a libido. If you've never had one, you don't really know what you're missing, know what I mean? And once you have it figured out, it's like flipping a switch, and there's no going back! But, having said that, it doesn't mean that sex can't be satisfying for her.

    But my only advice can be to CONSTANTLY tell her how beautiful she is while you are having sex. Tell her you love her, touch her all over her body, not just between her legs. Tell her that she looks so sexy. When it's over, hold her, snuggle her, and tell her how nice it was. If self confidence is the issue, maybe this will eventually make her feel more comfortable letting go with you.

    Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
     
  11. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Some women (myself included) enjoy the gentle...almost lightly tickling, type of manipulation of my clit. I think many men think that it has to be 'man-handled' to be good. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    She may be a woman who needs soft, sensual, gentle stimulation. Make love to her with your tongue - - as if you are kissing her (and you are!).

    Harsh manipulation of the clit can become almost bothersome, as it loses the sensitivity. It can be compared to rough tickling, as compared to lightly running your fingers on her back and arms. Both create a sensation... but one is harsh.... and one is relaxing and seductive.
     
  12. Bluesy

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    This is me...I have a very sensitive clit that can't withstand constant stimulation. Rose has brought up a good point about using soft, gentle stimulation, at least to begin with. I do like more pressure when I'm close to coming, and you can tell I'm getting there because my hips can't stay still! You'll have to look for similar cues, as her orgasmic behavior may be different. (Does she moan more? Does she writhe? Do her legs twitch? Does her breathing become more labored? These things will become obvious in time.) You could try starting with oral foreplay: don't zero in on the clit, but put your lips to use as well as your tongue and explore her vulva, suck on her labia, thrust your tongue inside her vagina, lick, blow gently on the clitoris, try different things. Take your time with it, too. Remember, women operate on a completely different sexual level than men: slow and gentle is a good rule of thumb. Also, it's best if it seems like you're enjoying a scrumptious feast down there ;) (Don't try to make eye contact--women and men also differ this way; we just want to lie back and really get into it.)

    What works for my sensitive clitoris is for a partner to start using his tongue higher up on the clitoral hood (think north, towards the belly button), then gradually work his way down to the "pearl". Directly above and below it is where stimulation works best when I'm close to orgasm. I discovered that this method works for me through masturbation, and I've always "helped" by moving my body up or down the bed when I need more pressure on a different part of the clitoris...nothing can replace the lessons we learn about our bodies through self-stimulation. But you can certainly give it a whirl! Who knows? There are tons of articles on the net on how to perform mind-blowing cunnilingus, and there are books, too. If you do enough research, you'll probably hit on something that will work for her. Guys have given this book rave reviews on :sf before: http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538252/ref=pd_sim_b_2/102-2796024-2500110

    No one goes into the bedroom automatically knowing how to be an awesome lover, and there is always more to learn. Even if you spent the next ten years fine-tuning your love-making skills to match her preferences, there will still be more to learn about pleasing a woman that she can't teach you. Research, research, research!

    Sounds to me like she was upset about something. An "Is everything Ok, sweetie? It seems like something's bothering you," said in a concerned tone of voice would not have gone amiss.
     
  13. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Yah I am definately really confused about her not touching me this weekend since I havent seen her so long, and I touched her all weekend. I havent even had the chance to talk to her about everything, I brought up the issue of how bad this weekend went sexually and she got really sad and said she doesnt want me to break up with her.

    I dont know what to do...I just feel a little one sided I guess, maybe I gained to much weight or something? Not attracted to me anymore? how would I go about asking her if she is still sexually attracted to me?
     
  14. sconey

    sconey New Member

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    I think what the two of ye really need to do is just sit down and talk about it. It might be awkward but sometimes it's the only way to resolve these problems. Also when you are trying to get her to orgasm ask her there and then if what you are doing is pleasing her. if not try something else. every body has different sensitivity in certain areas its only a matter of finding out where!
     
  15. Bluesy

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    Well, hon, you're taking this incident very much to heart, and I don't think you should. It may have nothing to do with you, or she might've even felt slighted by something you said or did (when she shouldn't have) that made her act stand-offish. Talk it out with her, but don't make any accusations, and go into it with an open mind, free of all assumptions and imagined offenses, 'kay? Let us know how things go.
     
  16. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Well I had a talk with her. And she apologized for what happened on the weekend, I definately over reacted and got really worried for no reason. She said there wasnt enough privacy for both of us for what she wanted to do to me. Its easier to hide me fingering her under the blankets than her going down on me or doing an up and down motion.... I jumped to conclusions, but thanks everyone for listening to me and thanks for helpin me out.

    She left me with some good words though :p She said "next time I see you, I will make sure you understand how much I love you"
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It's all a learning process, Silent. Sometimes, the most obvious "problems" are not so obvious when it involves US!

    Honestly, what you said is true - - about it being FAR easier for you to finger her inconspicuously, than it is for her to give you oral pleasure inconspicuously.

    Next time, make sure you set the 'arena' for BOTH of you to be able to give pleasure to each other.

    As I said in the beginning.... It's all a learning process!! :)