Girls, when a guy is nice to you and even helpful to you

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sour, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. Sour

    Sour New Member

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    do you automatically think he's interested in you?

    I think because I was insecure for the longest time of my life, it impacted me so much that today any guy that's nice to me or helpful, i automatically assume he's interested in me.

    i feel so shallow and horrible for this and I wanna get past it but don't know how.
     
  2. CTRx

    CTRx New Member

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    Not a girl obv lol, but I kinda have the same thing. My self esteem is quite low, and I'm pretty shy, so when I get any sort of attention from a girl, I can't help that thought kinda floating through. It's weird.
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I've read and heard from several sources that I consider informed that, the first thing that either guys or gals think of when they meet someone new is "potential mate, or not potential mate." This would apply to singles mostly, but I'm sure marrieds do it too.

    Opinions?
     
  4. thramagen

    thramagen New Member

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    it depends how much hes helping you, if hes opening a door for you I wouldnt think anything of it, if hes really going out of his way then you are probly right to think hes interested
     
  5. Untamed

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    I don't think they're interested.
     
  6. lbushwalker

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    Random acts of kindness can lead to beautiful consequences; best to always be prepared and open to new possibilities :)
     
  7. batdude

    batdude New Member

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    Thats a difficult thing to discern. I sucked as a single man becouse if I was interested in a woman I would be extra nice to them and atempt to be extra charming. Problem is thats just me, very nice and somewhat charming to others. Part of that is becouse I am very shy towards woman and had a fairly substantial fear of rejection. I could never figure out how to show them that I was interested in them... course it could have been that none of them were interested in me. As it turned out I met my now wife through a fluke deal so I was very fourtunate that I did not have to rely on my womanizing skills:eek:. So I guess what i'm trying to say is that it could be that at least some of the guys realy are interested but (like me) just arn't realy able to show it very well.
     
  8. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    I always thought the opposite. If a girl was nice to me I thought she was interested, lol
     
  9. CruelTease

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    I'm beginning to feel the same way since my very best male friend decided to cut ties with me, because he was "in love" with me. Our friendship was wonderful, very caring but (for me) never crossing the line. This keeps happening, which leads me to think when guys are that nice to me, they want something :p
     
  10. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    Let me say this.. it doesn't help if you are pretty. I have a LOT of female friends.. very attractive ones, and they are always complaining about the same thing.

    I'm pretty much the exception to the rule, but that doesnt mean I wouldnt be tempted if one of them came on to me. Aside from the occasional flirting, things have always remained very plutonic.

    Your friend aparently has had a thing for you since day one.. and probably has held on to the hope that eventually after you got to know him better your feelings would shift away from "just friends". Now that he realized that you aren't interested, it is very difficult to go back to the way it used to be. He knows this, and its just easie rto walk away than to live with the constant reminder that he cant have what he desires the most.


    I dont know you, but maybe you are one of those people who give off the wrong signals regardless of what you do, which is a good thing for attracting people, but bad when you dont have any interest in them.
     
  11. CruelTease

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    This guy was not only my best friend, but my mans best friend!
     
  12. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    Yeah.. see, now it gets REALLY complicated. Seems like he is just trying to do the noble thing before everything got messy.

    So much bad can come from that situation. He walked away because he knows its not going to end well.. even IF he managed to get you to reciprocate his feelings, the guilt would be pretty tough.

    My suggestion.. start scouting for a new best friend.
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Ya know...men and women are wired completely different in this regard. For a guy, it's entirely possible for attraction to a female friend to develop, even if there was no attraction initially. For women, once a guy is in the "friend zone", he stays there and she sees him as a "brother" and really can't see him as a "lover", even if she consciously tried to. (There are ways for a guy to overcome this, but it's definitely not an easy thing to do.)

    A lot of guys get caught up in this "nice guy syndrome"...being too "nice" to someone you just met is a huge turn-off for the woman. So as a guy, doing that rarely gets you anything but a platonic friendship.

    So ladies...if a guy is extra nice to you, do assume he's quite interested in more than just friendship. And guys, if a woman is extra nice to you, also assume by default that she's potentially interested in more than friendship (and whether anything romantic develops depends on what you do from that point forward).

    Cheers,
    BD
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Totally agreed. The best way to overcome a crush on someone you shouldn't have a crush on (or to let a crush fade for someone that you don't want to have a crush on you) is to just put some distance between yourself and that person. We can't control our emotions...however, we can control the choices we make with those emotions.

    Cheers,
    BD
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    In total agreement there with both PB & BD.
    BTW, welcome back BD.
    And CT having seen some of your sexy pics I doubt that I could be a best friend either :phat
     
  16. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Thanks man!

    Cheers!
    BD
     
  17. CruelTease

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    :lol thank you!
     
  18. ilikepie

    ilikepie New Member

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    I myself have had only one girlfriend by now and I haven't got the slightest clue how I got her... we're not together anymore. Thing is with me, I'm always nice to everybody, girls a tiny bit nicer. Every time I help someone in any kind of way, I'm just thinking, hey I did something good today. If I've met the person 2-3-6 times before and I continue helping her, giving her some extra attention , it may be because I still like doing good deeds or I know her in a way and I have started to like what I know and am hoping that it could lead to something. Most of the times, I just hold everything to myself and don't do S#!T. If I say hi, may I... I would like to have something with that girl, but I Never do S#!T. So if most guys are offering to open the door for you or moving something heavy and stuff, don't count on it a 100% that he's going to go further. It still is a 60-40% chance. 60% being the sleepy guys.
     
  19. daletom

    daletom New Member

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    It's true that some guys (and girls!) will make an effort to be especially helpful or nice when they only want to use somebody - for sex, for status, for money, for a job, etc. And some people are just helpful, or pleasant, by nature. But it's also true that being especially helpful is one way that people will express an interest in somebody they are truly attracted to, without running the risk of rejection that comes with a more direct approach.

    I don't think you should feel at all horrible or shallow for wondering if there's an attraction behind the actions. Go ahead and respond - you may make a great friend, even if it never goes to the status of "relationship".