Girls, what do you think of this advice?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Trond, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. Trond

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  2. cbrmale

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    Not a woman but I do work in a feminine workplace (30 women and one male - me). It's fascinating to overhear conversations when things are quiet, as they sometimes are. One observation is that women want to get married, is on the mark. I have been amazed by several all-in huddles over wedding pictures, wedding planning and wedding discussions; something that never happens with men. All the women's magazine articles on Kate and William and other celebrity weddings are pored over and discussed in detail, too.

    Another observation which is a bit different to the article, is that women rate their attractiveness relative to other women, and are quite jealous of very attractive women. Men compete in various ways, and women seem to compete on looks. What is strange to me is that a lot of these women don't make much effort with their own appearance, and with better hair styling and a few other changes, they would look much better themselves. Can't quite work that one out, unless they truly don't know what men, at least, actually find attractive and not attractive.
     
  3. Essene

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    Well... the main qualifier here is that the (supposed) male won't let her know that those were his motives. A lot of females that I have known have liked filing the stereotypical role only when they think it's not expected of them. I suppose it's liberating having the liberty to do the actions predeceasing liberators socially "liberated" them from. Also, females are usually intrinsically maternal. (I'm going to stop here as there's a dog in my living room annoying me).
     
  4. RideNaked2

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    Being a woman that was married for almost 20 years and is now in a 10+ year relationship I'm going to go on a limb here and answer all points from my opinion. I like to think I'm a little old fashion and a little modern all wrapped into one.

    1) "I can carry my own bag." - I like being "taken" care of. However I am very capable of taking care of myself as I did so when I got divorced along with my 3 young children.

    2) "Don't objectify me!" Why shouldn't a woman be valued for everything about her? Men are ???

    3). "I'll pay my share." (here is the old fashion in me) I believe that if a gentleman asks you out on a date, he should pay along with open doors, pull out her chair, stand up when she leaves the table...but again, must MhO.

    4) "I can think for myself!" Women should have a brain and do some thinking. I lived my marriage that my husband would make all the final decisions as long as he listened to my opinion; that was the WRONG thing to do because of who I married. I'm just thankful that T and I make major decisions JOINTLY although I believe that I could live a life with him making all the decisions (but I don't know that I would like it :) )

    5)"I won't be shackled into a marriage." I spent many years going back and forth on this one. When I got divorced, I NEVER wanted to get married again. When I met T, I wanted to marry him. My thinking that I had to get married again caused me quite a bit of heartache during our relationship. I now 100% feel that if T wants to get married then I'm alright with that, if he doesn't, I'm alright with that also. I know that we are together for the long haul so we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that. The one thing that I have an issue with is living with T and having my ex husbands last name :p. So I will be changing that as soon as we are able to.
     
  5. 1hotmamma420

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    1. I have no problem carrying something heavy, but don't sit & watch me...help me. The door thing, it's just polite. Doesn't have to be held just for me, as I hold doors for people. I don't need my car door opened for...I can do it myself. I'll take my own coat off too. Thanks anyway.
    2. I do want to be valued for things I do. A compliment is always nice to hear, no matter what its for or about.
    3. If you buy dinner...next one is on me, or I'll just buy the drinks later.
    4. I like decisions to be made together. If I have an opinion, I say it. If not than choice is yours. I do want my opinion heard, but I like to please so I usually leave little choices to him. Unless I feel strongly about it.
    5. Marriage- I don't care about a piece of paper. I do have a ring, but it's one that I picked out....a cheap $15 walmart ring. I get a new one every cpl years...change it up a bit. To me...that cheap ring means more to me than an official paper & expensive ring that I may loose or ruin. Its the symbolism for others to know that I am taken. We made a commintment years ago to ourselves. I don't need a piece of paper saying we are married. It's how you act and think. I just need it for his last name.
    We are contradicting...but you love us for who we are regardless.
    I could survive on my own. I have no problem doing "man" things around the house or maintance on my truck. I think it's important for every girl & women to know. Not to just call someone to unclog the drain. I also think it's important for a man to be able to do everything household and kids too. That way you work as team a lot. And if in that case that something happens.... Your not left helpless. :)
     
  6. Trond

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    Thanks for the response folks! I personally think the article is quite lame, but probably not completely wrong in every way. I don't think every woman who says that she doesn't emphasize looks is a liar, but most women like to be complimented on their looks. I think the author picked up this point-by-point trend from women's magazines (as in "Ten things men want, but won't tell you about":eyes).

    Anyway, the reason why I brought it up is actually to compare with how people react in other forums. There is one forum in particular, (about gaming, Dungeons & Dragons etc, of all things) where for some reason whenever someone brings up anything about sexism, people go ape-shit! They just can't handle it. I usually find that it's the pro-feminist side that is most aggressive, and one such poster suggested that people who (in her opinion) make sexist posts should be publicly humiliated in the forums:eek.

    When the article above was mentioned recently, I thought "oh dear, here we go again", and sure enough the word "rape culture" came up (I don't see the connection between the article and rape, personally). After a while, one girl was a bit shocked about how aggressive these discussions turn out. She said she previously liked to think of herself as a feminist, but that she just isn't comfortable with the term anymore. I can certainly see her point. She's still strongly for women's rights of course, but this was a bit too much.

    This is actually a compliment to the Sexual Forums. I have seen far worse things being discussed here (as in ACTUAL rape), but people generally don't go bananas here. I have no idea why a forum about a relatively nerdy hobby has so many people who are highly strung about issues such as sexism, but there you go. Sanity prevails in one forum at least. :p
     
  7. Trond

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    I just realized something.....I don't think most of the people who are screaming and shouting about these things in the other forum are heterosexual women (or men). They seem to be from homosexual/lesbian or transsexual groups, and maybe this is why they are a bit sensitive about issues concerning what women and men are "supposed" to be like. It may seem strange that so many people from such groups are interested in roleplaying games, but it makes sense; RPGs are all about pretending to be someone you're not. Hmmm, case closed?

    Anyway, feel free to post what you think about the article in the OP, if you haven't already :)
     
  8. Meee

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    The article is really "5 Feminist Demands She Wants You to Ignore Sometimes in Small Ways." The theme of the article is really something like "Don't hesitate to show common courtesy. She might actually like it." Notice that none of the demands she wants you to ignore have to do with equal protection under the law. The article is just light weight, with the catch word "feminist" put at the top as a gimmick to make the article look important.

    I don't know about the forum you saw, but I checked out the forum at Askmen in response to the article. Most of the comments weren't about the article at all. "Stay away from Western women." "Feminism is a hate movement." You see, the comments only used the article as a starting point for remarks that are much more general. I'm guessing that this is what happened at the forum you're talking about. Women reacted strongly to comments that weren't actually about the article.
     
    #8 Meee, Jan 16, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2012
  9. Trond

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    Thanks for your thoughts on this, Meee. I think you are sort of proving my (admittedly slightly obscure) point:). Most people don't see the article as offensive, although it may lead the discussion into bad terrains (internet discussions tend to go that way, as in the so-called Godwin's Law:lol). There is something odd about that specific forum though (the place I first saw it being discussed, RPG.net), so I wanted to compare with the reaction it gets here. It was actually posted as something offensive from the start:
    RPGnet Forums

    Anyway, this is far from the worst example I have seen in that forum, it actually stayed rather civil (to my surprise, so maybe this was a bad example). Any mention of real or perceived sexism on that site tends to end in a very very nasty thread, with name-calling, people being banned, and often deletion of the whole thread. Many of the usual posters stayed away this time it seems (but see page 9. I thought it would go to hell from there, as it normally does. Apparently the poster called Celeste thought the same. If she seems to overreact here, it's from previous experience).

    I guess I was wondering how posting the same thing here would make people react, to see if there something unusual going on at RPG.net. So far, it seems that there IS something odd about that site, and I think the reasons may be those I mentioned above.
     
  10. Meee

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    *Googles Godwin's Law* Oh. I'd say that's true, though my favorite internet law is still Rule 34. Besides, I usually call people Vogons in that kind of situation.


    I can't access the link. It requires registration. But anyway, yes, this site is much more civil than most forums. I belong to poetry forums that are less civil, LOL. The moderators, of course, deserve a huge part of the credit.
     
  11. Trond

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    Ah stupid me! I log in automatically.
    Anyway. I am also member of a few other forums (one about art techniques for instance). Most of them are in-between; they rarely get as ugly as feminism discussions on RPG.net, nor are they as civil as the SF (mostly) are. I am still a little baffled by why RPG gamers are so sensitive about such issues. Some of the posters may be trolling of course.
     
  12. HardRocker

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    I can toss out a guess. Maybe they scale back their killer hotness in the work place so they fit in, avoiding the beauty jealousy. Maybe these women with scaled back beauty in the work environment turn it on whenever they are on a date or on the prowl.
     
  13. cbrmale

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    No, mostly what I have observed are the dreadful hairstyles, which couldn't be improved regardless of if they are on a date or not. The tall gangly one with the less than shoulder length hair which looks like it's been trimmed with a razor is always complaining that men aren't interested in her. Well, guess why? And she's not the only one.

    I'm married to an African who has African hair which is really hard to manage, as does my daughter, and they make a real effort to style it and look nice. White women don't know how easy they have got it, and there are many ways they can have their hair cut which looks professional, sexy, hot or grotesque. Grotesque is the most common.