Girlfriend likes oral sex, doesn't want it from me?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by asm, May 2, 2012.

  1. asm

    asm New Member

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    I'm in an 8 month old relationship with a woman I've known for many years before this. It's pretty obvious I am the less sexually experienced one (but for clarifications sake, we're both over 30). It generally doesn't really matter as we're generally very discussive about every issue, be it sexual or not. In short, the sex is really good for both. Well, at least I enjoy it and she does too and we go at it like rabbits, or she lies very convincinly :p


    Other than the above mentioned oral sex, though. I noticed some while back she really isn't into it when I do it, and I asked about it. Without really getting into the nitty gritty details about this discussion, I pretty much got told she doesn't like it when I do it, but has had no problems with other men pleasing her this way in the past. I asked what I should do differently and what would make it more pleasurable, am I too soft/hard etc. and I get the answer:


    "I don't know"


    ...and that was pretty much the end of this discussion right there (if you disregard the other few "I don't know"s. I don't know am I thin skinned or does it pertain to my inexperience regarding these things, but that was in all honesty, pretty f***ing insulting. I really don't understand what the problem is here? I'd like to give and I'm sure she'd like to receive, but what the hell am I supposed to do since I really don't know what the problem is and how to rectify it? Other than of course taking this issue up again...but I'd rather ask about this one first.



    PS. Sorry for my english. I guess this post came a bit more blunt than it should sound and it certainly simplifies some things, but I am having a hard time conveying everything.
     
  2. thunderseed

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    I'm confused and need some clarification, does she have a problem with sucking your dick, or does she have a problem with you eating her out? Or is it both?

    Can you explain what exactly you are doing to her so we can get an idea?

    I'd say all you have to do is go back and talk to her honestly. The classic "i don't know" sounds like she obviously does know but doesn't want to talk about it, and she's probably worried about hurting your feelings. Did you approach it in a way that let her know that it does not bother you? Because if she thinks that you are going to be insecure and that it will hurt you in any way, it will shut down the communication to improve your sex life.
    It sounds like both of you need to learn how to communicate and get over your fear of bringing to the table things that could improve your sex life. You should not be offended if she does tell you a way that things could improve. It's not a personal thing against you, she's probably fine with the way things are in fact. But if you want to improve something in bed, you need to be okay with the fact you might have to change some things, and that is a good thing, not a bad thing.
    There is no problem if you are inexperienced, even the most experienced people still will have no clue what their partner likes and will have to learn, and the only way you can learn what she likes is if you ask her outside of sex or if she shows you during sex.
    But it seems like she is also afraid of telling you what she likes. Just let her know you are open to it.
     
  3. asm

    asm New Member

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    I meant me eating her out. Sorry about that, I guess now that I looked at the post it doesn't really sound all that clear about it.

    The "hurting my feelings" part is what's bothering me. I do make observations and yes, I noticed it that she isn't liking it way before this was brought up and asked about it. I don't see why it's easy for her to say that she finds it pleasurable, but not with me, but doesn't really want to say anything else about the matter? It's not really offensive about her not finding it pleasurable with me, and enjoting it with other men ...rather that I get told just that and I'm supposed to forget about it or something without no explanation or guidance when I ask it. I find it offensive that I get told it's no good, and when I ask how to improve things I get zilch.

    That's what really is puzzling me. I say things that please me, she says things that pleases her, and that's how it usually works. It's kind of mutually agreed from the start and in general we are very open about things.

    For the most part you're really spot on. And yes, we do talk about a lot of sexual issues and have learned alot about each other. We really are brutally honest, this is the ONLY issue that I feel I got stumped pretty hard. That's why I'm kind of wondering about this, and what is exactly being told.


    edit: Again, English isn't my first...I hope you people can read this stuff :)
     
    #3 asm, May 2, 2012
    Last edited: May 2, 2012
  4. lbushwalker

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    Hi asm, your English is fine.
    I have a feeling that either you SO actually does not like being muff dived or feels uncomfortable about you (her real lover) doing something she feels is "dirty" whereas ok for previous sex partners she did not care much about so it was fine in her mind.
    Sex is so much in the head and then in communication.
    Anyway I suggest you tell her how important it is for you to be doing such things to her and that your greatest wish at the moment is to provide her the best experiences possible and that you are willing to be her sex servant To that end ;)
     
  5. thunderseed

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    Oh I see, maybe she just means she liked it in the past with other men before, but now she doesn't? It could just be that her preferences changed. But we won't know until you ask her, just keep trying to get her to open up to you about it. Or you could just try new techniques and see if she likes that better ;)
     
  6. pbs

    pbs
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    Most people refer to female oral sex as "eating out," which I believe implies something entirely different than kissing a pussy, or more specifically, kissing a clit and manipulating and teasing it with your tongue. My guess is that she's probably been with a guy who was very good at this, and you just haven't gotten the hang of it yet. Oral on a guy is much the same thing, some gals know how to do it very well, and others don't.

    Next time down there, start off gently and ask her to guide you. If she really likes oral she'll probably teach you.
     
  7. asm

    asm New Member

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    Heh, I kind of considered that first bit but wondered am I giving myself too much credit :D
    I guess I'm just thinking about this too straightforward.It's a good thing to consider what you posted.

    Do preferences change like that? Weird, I never even thought of that. Other than of course, perhaps aging and not being able to do the things you use to etc.

    Hmm, well I understand what you're saying, but the problem is it's kind of hard trying new things when for some reason she's reluctant to even do it, or give me advice.

    Anyway, thanks everyone for the replies! Certainly has given me new perspectives.


    PS. For clarifications sake when I said I am the inexperienced one of of the two, I didn't really mean to say I am totally inexperienced or anything like that. What I meant is she has simply been having more sex than me. It's not really an issue of me not knowing what a woman looks like :p
     
  8. thunderseed

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    LoL then you should try having sex with me for a few days.

    "The Anal Destroyer? Nah I am totally out of that phase, that was yesterdays thing. Here is a hentai monster costume for you to try on!

    An hour later: "Let's have lots and lots of foreplay!"
    Next day: "What are you doing? I hate foreplay! You should know that by now! Currently I am into a rape fetish."
    Next hour: "Nah sorry I'm not into humans anymore."
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    :lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:eyes
     
  10. asm

    asm New Member

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    lol


    Well if one's anus gets destroyed by the anal destroyer I guess that's a medical consequence I didn't think of to add to the list