I need and would appreciate some help here. My girlfriend of 3 months has some very real issues with sexual activity that I am just starting to see surface as we are getting more involved. She was basically raped at a very young age (13 or so) and recently got out of a 3 year relationship that consisted of constant verbal abuse, and more important to the topic at hand, a very mediocre, to unsatisfying sex life. She has told me that she rarely enjoyed sex with her former partner, as it was "all about him" and she became used to him asking for things (blowjobs, sex, etc etc). That said, I am not the kind of man to ask her outright for a blowjob or anything else. I will and have hinted that I desire these things, and even encourage her when she touches me and takes charge. She rarely, if ever, actually initiates anything sexual, however, and when she has it has on both occasions ended quite awkwardly with her kind of smiling shyly and even kind of laughing a little in a very timid, and nearly scared way. She has described the feeling of wanting badly to just do certain things, but says she encounters a wall of sorts and she just freezes up. We've not has intercourse, as I both feel she is not ready mentally, even if she physically desires this (as she says she does), and also because I am planning to wait until marriage to have sex, although I am quite confident with her in bed, and could see myself making an exception for her if the circumstances were great. I have gone down on her a handful of times, nearly always giving her an orgasm, once giving her two. She often cannot believe that I am genuine in my outlook on sex as she has never had a lover (the one man she dated for 3 yrs) who had any real concern for her satisfaction. And I am extremely sincere in my desire for her complete and utter sexual satisfaction. I've gone 21 years without sexual contact of any real kind (as a personal choice) and honestly have great willpower and take a good deal of enjoyment out of seeing my girl orgasm. We care a great deal about each other and get more comfortable with each other every day, but I am a man and since things have been a bit physical, I do have my own needs (I have not orgasmed in her presence yet.) That is not even to say I need to get off. What I need is a receptive and open partner who WANTS to please me as much as I want to please her. I have no interest in an emotionless bj/hj and if she is not into it, I can simply go without. She is trying to get to that point and is very unhappy that she reaches the barrior she describes, but it seems that she is betting on time to get her there. It sounds to me like sex had become mechanic to her in her previous relationship, which in time had made her apprehension give way to complacency. Having a terrible, selfish lover probably only helped make sex that much more of a deluded experience for her, as opposed to the beautiful, satisfying, emotionally fulfilling experience it has the potential to be. I am set on achieving that place with her and helping her finally find sex as it was meant to be in her and my own life, but I am no psychologist, and on top of that have very little knowledge of sexual abuse, as has occured in her youth. For the record I have known her, and saw her very very frequently, for nearly two years before we started dating. I love this girl very much and need advice on how to help in whatever way I can in the healing process regarding her traumatizing first time and current position towards sex. Please ask any questions you have, and thank you very much for reading this.