girlfriend has issues with porn

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sarahandnick, May 16, 2011.

  1. sarahandnick

    sarahandnick New Member

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    Hi all

    Just wondering what other peoples experience of this is.

    My long term partner has always had issues with porn. Most of which comes from a shit relationship with her first boyfriend. (I think he had issues separating porn from reality - cliché!)

    Before we met I was quite happy watching porn, nothing scary hardcore, but definitely including anal, cum shots etc. We had a very healthy sex life, then she found out I still like to watch porn. Blew her lid. I stopped watching and then sex life picked up again.

    Unfortunately we have had a few other interruptions like her disappearing for 6months abroad, not living together and then her having some issues with over amorous work colleague! So for one reason or another we have had less sex, and I fully admit to being quite horny so I've started watching porn again.

    She obviously knows, and this has started a downward cycle. Porn makes her distrustful and lowers her sex drive. Lack of sex (coupled with free time on my own) makes me watch porn.

    She hasn't asked me to give up, cause she doesn't think I would. To be perfectly honest she is right. But as you can see it is somewhat of a wedge between us.

    The irony is she thinks porn is degrading,which it can be, but for me the major interest is worshipping the female body and her getting off. Though I agree that sometimes its a possibly miss guided idea that some women get off from being 'fucked senseless' (for want of a better term). Me getting off is kind of a by product.

    The last thing I want to do is break up. I love her, I want to marry her, but sex (and porn) is a big part of my life. I'm scared of where this is going, some may say I have a problem or I don't truely love her etc

    Right rant over

    Nick

    ps sometimes its just good to get things off your chest!
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    You should both talk to each other about her issues with the porn and you should both come to a compromise. See why she has such an issue with it, besides the ex and if she really is that bothered by it and you say that you love her and want to marry her you should give it up if you both cannot come to a compromise.
     
  3. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Yeah. You marry this girl, you'll probably have to eventually face not only giving up porn but periods of time when you have to go without sex. IMO, only go into marriage if she is worth facing those possibilities.

    This is strictly my opinion, others may disagree, but I think that you need to evaluate your priorities because if you think you can go into this marriage with this person who has an aversion to porn, and you can change her and/or get away with porn anyway, you're setting yourself up for a high probability of having a divorce and better to find someone with whom you're more compatible.

    I don't know much about you or your relationship, so if I'm jumping to any wrong conclusions my apologies. When my wife and I met, she liked watching girl-girl porn sometimes during sex, that changed over time - particularly after having kids. She doesn't want me watching porn anymore but is okay with making our own videos for me to watch, and during times when having sex together doesn't work out for a while it gets a little more difficult.

    The point is wherever things stand now, don't plan on her becoming more accepting of porn, expect her to become less accepting of porn. Especially if kids are in the future, which will absolutely interfere with your sex life - and especially her sex drive.

    I suggest that she doesn't want you looking at other women having sex, then if you do anything other than stop then you are violating her trust and if you want to be married that should be more important than sex.

    Talk with her frankly to understand what her issue is with it, is it cheating to her for you to be aroused by other women? Would you be able to make your own together if it's that kind of issue. But I guess take it one step at a time, if it's something different I'm not sure what to say.
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    Or try it another way; watch porn together!
    Start with stuff that might interest her then see where it leads.
    My own SO a good Catholic girl had never watched porn before (god forbids!) but when I introduced it to her she soon got to like it, in fact way more than me.
    She is now fascinated with anything to do with sex whereas I get bored rather quickly.
     
  5. backcheck64

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    She needs some counseling to straighten out some of her issues.
     
  6. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    I am guessing there is a little more than just "porn" between you and she. This sounds like one aspect of some very different morals and ideals. "compromise" may not be possible and judging her as wrong in her opinion is as narrow minded as conservatives who rant against porn. Let's be honest... The porn as art argument is weak at best. Art is a form of creative expression. It creates a specific emotional link between atist and audience. I venture to guess that your GF might argue that porn rather than establishing an emotional link actually blockades the emotional link that sex between consenting adults can form. By objectifying women (i.e seeing them simply as a target for a cum shot) porn desentisizes men to the inherent bond and magical life affirming creative potential of sex. Your interest in "worshipping the female body" may speak to an aesthetic theory of art but again I would guess that for your GF any goodness truth or beauty that you may find in porn is outweighed by the doubts, uncertainty, feelings of inadaquacy and guilt that she may feel in not be able to fulfill your needs and desires. Maybe those feelings are not warranted in your relationship but they have a way of creeping in. True love is a sacrifice of the self for the good of the relationship. You must communicate with her and you must respect her.
     
  7. sarahandnick

    sarahandnick New Member

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    Hi all, thanks for the replies. Useful to hear other peoples opinions, even if they are pretty much what I expected to hear!

    We are talking about it, and I'm sure we will work it out. (my previous post was partly about venting my irritation!).

    Nick
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Sinner, your reply was just plain awesome. You are very wise, indeed.
     
  9. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    ehhh not really but thanks
     
  10. sarahandnick

    sarahandnick New Member

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    to be honest, and not wishing to be snide or offensive. I found sinners reply the least useful. Effectively he jumped to many conclusions, that I think where more in relation to stereotypes than my actual circumstances. Not that I'm having a go because I didn't give loads of detail and I can see why you'd say what you did!

    thanks again
     
  11. Barbwire

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    So, make with the details, already!
     
  12. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    I can see why my reply was not useful to you. I disagree however that i jumped to any conclusions. My point is that if she has negative opinionsabout porn and you have positive opinions about it, thee are probably some very important differences between the two of you. You need to explore these because that difference will most likely be an impediment to any long term relationship. Any couple that is considering a long term relationship must reconcile their lifestyles. I doubt that saying "well then let's watch porn together is going to change her opinions about porn. Its possible but doubtful. It is more likely an opinion based on morals and values that she has developed as she has grown up as a person. When two people do not share the same values, that relationship will take even more work than a relationship with shared values. And my experience is that any relationship takes a lot of work to maintain.
     
  13. DWB

    DWB New Member

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    Ugggg....My ex always flipped over porn..she would get all judgmental and prudish to the extreme whenever she caught me looking at anything remotely related to porn....but with everybody else she just shrugged her shoulders and thought it was ok...I never figured it out...sorry my response is not really a helpful one but I have been there.