GF's weak libido?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by lifuzz, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. lifuzz

    lifuzz New Member

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    Hey all, I have been going out with my GF for 4 years now. She is great and I love being with her. When we first met in college she was very horny and wanted sex all the time (although she never did like giving head). She gives me head about once month but never spontaneously. As of lately, her libido has been very weak. She has been on the pill for about 2 years so maybe that is part of the problem, but it feels like I am always the one in charge in bed. We have had a talk, and I made sure that I was very respectful of her feelings because I didn't want her to feel bad. It hasn't really worked. I told her I wanted her to take charge in bed and to tell me what she wants, but she says she wants nothing. She is willing to do things for me, but it's obvious that she doesn't enjoy them one bit which turns me off and makes me want to stop. She claims to be "grossed out" by stuff also sometimes. I'm willing to do anything if it makes her happy. I even asked her if she has any sexual fantasies and she says no? Is that normal for a person to have NO fantasies? I don't know what to do? I love her very much and the sex is good, I just want it to be better, and to be honest, I need to feel a little more wanted (maybe even used for her sexual pleasure lol). Anyway, just trying to figure out how to pep up her libido and make her want to jump my bones. Thanks.
     
  2. Bluesy

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    BC pills can have that effect, yes. She might want to discuss switching to a different kind, or a different form of BC, with her gynecologist.

    As far as what you can do to make her "want to jump your bones", treat her like a goddess. Women who feel beautiful, loved, and appreciated are going to want to show their appreciation. That is how the female mind works. I'm not sure what you mean by "willling to do anything if it makes her happy"... Are you a selfless lover? Do you concentrate on showing her a good time in the bedroom? Do you demonstrate your love for her with your mouth and hands? Sex is more of a psychological thing for women.
     
  3. lifuzz

    lifuzz New Member

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    Well the doc put her on a different type of BC but it hasn't really changed anything. As far as sex goes, when it's called for I give her a lot of foreplay but it's like I have to coax her into the next step or she would just continue letting me do whatever it is I am doing. I ask her if there is anything she wants me to do, certain positions, touching, rubbing, going down... I get no answer? And like I said, she has no fantasies or sexual desires... I dunno?
     
  4. Bluesy

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    There's a wide gulf between routine "foreplay" and showing her that you love her with your body and telling her, whispering it to her, how precious and wonderful and sexy she is at the time. Outside of the bedroom behavior counts for a lot, too. Do you treat her well all the time? If there's tension in your relationship, she isn't going to be a great lover.
     
  5. lifuzz

    lifuzz New Member

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    I think I do a pretty good job of making her feel special, sexy and wanted, but I guess I see what you're saying and I could always do more.

    What about the lack of fantasies though? As far as I know she was always like that?
     
  6. Bluesy

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    I dunno what to say about that. Maybe she's a bit sexually repressed? Maybe she needs more time to get comfortable enough with you to share these things? Maybe she just enjoys regular ol' sex so much that she doesn't desire anything more? Maybe she's stressed out or depressed? Lots of explanations, and the only way to know for sure is to talk to her about it. And I don't mean the "You don't _____; you aren't _____; I need you to be more _____" kind of talk. That isn't "talking", that's criticizing.
     
  7. lifuzz

    lifuzz New Member

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    I agree that is what I try to avoid saying to her when I discussed the matter with her. Thanks for your .02 cents!
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You ask a very complicated question as there are many parts to it. What is causing your gf to act the way she is can be several factors or combinations of them. To begin with as a relationship matures sex becomes the cornerstone of it but the couple finds other interests outside of the bedroom. So as a relationship matures sex is important but other activities begin to define the realtionship. If a couple cannot develop mutual acitivities together the relationship does begin to struggle, sex becomes less enjoyable, and the relationship begins to fall apart.

    Another explaination is that she is under allot of stress from the relationship, work, and / or family issues. Stress has a large impact on sex, interest in sex, and overall mood. If you suspect this an issue then it is important to support her and help her through this.

    It is also possible that she is having an affair and you are not aware of it. If there are no signs present then it is quite unlikely that this is occurring.

    Since the two of you have been dating for a while she may be looking to you to take it to the relationship to the next step (e.g. marriage and / or children). The two of you may have been together for a while but she may want more security from the relationship. If you are not able to provide it then it could be a reason why this issue has come up.

    The best thing to do is for the two of you to work through it. It sounds like you have tried it but you need to be persistant with it. Talk about her day, her dreams, aspirations, and take time to understand the issues she is facing. Also take some time to develop interests together and build the relationship. If you do you should find things do improve.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    You do ask a complex question, and Blusey has pretty much answered it the way I would, good sex is a 24-hour-per-day thing, and you cannot romance your partner enough, especially as the years pass. Romance means a lot of things, from helping around the home without being asked to just hugging her and telling her you love her for no reason other than you want to.

    No fantasies by a partner is not uncommon, some women really truly just want good sex with the man they love, and that's enough to satisfy them. Good loving sex is close, intimate and pleasurable, why dream of anything else? I've had a few girls like this, they were just in the moment, and enjoyed every part of it every time.

    You should try to match your expectations to your partners, tone down the stuff that grosses her out, this WILL help a lot. At the same time, I know it is draining to continually make all the moves in sex, so you should talk to your partner in a non-confrontational way about how much hard work it is for you, and how much you would like her to take the initiative. If the relationship is healthy, and she loves, you, and you show romance to her, and you don't try to force her into sexual situations she is uncomfortable with, she will probably respond to your request to show a little more initiative sometimes. But only sometimes, because it is clear her space at the moment is more passive than yours.
     
  10. stopher58

    stopher58 New Member

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    Lifuzz this is a very confusing problem for you, I know this because I am in pretty much the same exact boat as you. I did not read everyones post thoroughly but from what I did read nobody seemed to notice when you said that when you started dating, she wanted sex all the time and was very horny. My girlfriend was the same exact way I and I'm not sure about your situation but we have tryed just about everything there is to try and she seemed to be horny all the time but now its the opposite, It seems that everytime we do anything it is because I want it not her. So I'm just curious for myself.. Was your relationship the same as mine in the begining??

    The only thing different that I get from your original post compaired to my situation is that your GF is on the pill, My GF has never been on the pill.

    But as for what I have done to try to help this situation is pretty much the same as what everyone has said... And it is really hard esp. when your already trying your best to make her feel loved, sexy, and just generaly happy. So all I have done other than the initial talk was just to continually when I am in the mood, to work into it even more slowly than before. I do this by just talking to her and touching her just like when your first starting a relationship.. more specificly.. try to think about your first time you had sex or the first few times for that matter, you didn't just go and start ripping her clothes off or start grabbing tits and what not.. you prob. worked into it. Well that is pretty much what i try to do and it has seemed to help because she has responded more how i would expect.

    I hope this helps out a little.
     
  11. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Now, guys, are you making sure that, five years or more into these relationships, you are doing things that make your woman feel loved. It is indeed a fact that men and women view sex differently. Women want to feel loved in order to feel amorous. Women need to have certain needs ment in order to want sex, to feel sexual. Men, on the other hand, tend to attempt to show the depth of their love through sexual actions. I'm not advocating flowers and diamonds daily or anything like that. I'm just reminding you to look at it from her perspective. Does she feel loved outside the bedroom? A woman who feels loved for more than her sexual contribution, will be more sexual.