GF experiencing much pain during sex...help me!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by PhantomLord, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. PhantomLord

    PhantomLord New Member

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    hey all, me and my gf have been having sex for about 3 months now. we were both virgins when we met.

    the first time we did it, we took it really slow and everything, but in the end, i got all the way in, and she asked if we could stop. that's fine, i understood.

    but the thing is...we've been doing it for 3 months, and she still says it's still really painful for her, once i'm inside, and she's loosened up a bit, it's good, but for about 5-10 minutes she's in big pain, it takes me about 5 mintues to get all in her because i have to go so slow.

    is she just smaller than usual? my penis is above average, but nothing huge or anything, so i dont' think that'd be the problem. i've talked to her, asking if she's aroused enough, and she is. we have extensive foreplay, she gets VERY wet and all.

    is there anything i can do to help her? we use condoms, i lube it up on me, and she uses lube on her also.

    i've asked if she would like me to make her cum before sex, but she said no, as she wouldn't be in the mood for sex after she came, so that doesn't really help.

    i havn't tried fingering her at all before sex, so it's kinda like going from nothing to trying to get my penis in her, would it help if i finger her a bit, and maybe lick her a little before sex?\

    any help would be appreciated, because she really doesn't enjoy sex, just because of the pain factor, and i really dont' like hurting her like that, but we both want to have sex.
     
  2. g8rguy

    g8rguy Member

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    Your gf should talk to her ob/gyn and ask him/her if she has vaginismus.
     
  3. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    Agreed, trip to the gyne for her ASAP.
     
  4. PhantomLord

    PhantomLord New Member

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    but if we were both virgins...?
     
  5. tr0n

    tr0n New Member

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    Vaginismus can be "primary" or "secondary." the former happens when sex occurs, even if she is/was a virgin. The second develops afterwards. It's almost entirely psychological. www.vaginismus.com has more information, and an extremely well thought-out DIY kit for couples.

    I'm going through the same thing as you right now only the gyn says it might be vestibulitis. It remains to be seen, as (as usual), her symptoms don't fit any textbook cases of any disorder. Doctors are quick to draw conclusions and dispense medicine, instead of looking at the whole picture. I caution you to find a doctor that does this; to date, I have not. Most of our progress has been made on our own, going real slow. I didn't have sex for almost a year and a half up until about a month ago. I think we've done it 2-3 times since then, which is good..but not enough for me. I could fuck 5 times a day if I was given the chance! Patience is key, I guess.

    One thing's for certain..the more you do it and the more it keeps hurting, the more you will reinforce the problem- esp if it is vaginismus. Remember, vag is not an STD; it's basically a learned behavior. Think of it like speech. If you are physiologically complete and able, and learn to talk like a monkey, you will have a tough time learning english and speaking it like an American (or an Aussie, or a Brit or whatever). It doesn't mean your mouth can't make those sounds, it just means it learned something different initially and now it has to adapt, and most of that adaptation is training your brain subconsciously to accept the "new way." Apparently pussies are similar; if she has felt pain from the beginning, not only will she expect pain consciously, but her body will expect it subconsciously, and tighten up the muscles that inevitably make the pain worse. The more you do it, the more the behavior is reinforced, and the harder it is to break the cycle. It can be broken, it'll just take longer (if it is vaginismus, anyway.) Anything else you'll have to find a good gynecologist willing to diagnose her. Shop around, and start ASAP- most of those people for whatever reason take appts like a month in advance and you'd be lucky to get in within a few weeks!