Getting over someone

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Pluto, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. Pluto

    Pluto New Member

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    Have you guys ever been friends with someone that's hurt you very deeply?

    I'm having troubles just talking to them even online text chatting coz it just brings back memories of everything that happened > 3 yrs ago.

    I know I probably should either get over it and just talk or just delete/ignore the contact from my list and get on with life but something is compelling me to just talk as regular online friends (not get back or anything).
     
  2. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    do what you feel comfortable with. you might have to tell them, i dont feel comfortable with you for x reason, and i just have to keep you at arms lenght for my own comfort. if they dont understand that, that is there problem and hints you as to how you should really address the relationship.
     
  3. heelfetish

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    In my experience it's usually best to sever contact completely. Delete them from your list, delete any correspondence you might still have, and make a fresh start. Hell, change email addresses if you have to.

    My ex of 4.5 years screwed me up pretty good. We tried to be friends after, and we tried getting back together. The only thing that brought closure was to burn everything note she ever gave me, and move on.
     
  4. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I think that Ice Cold and heelfetish both have some good advice. And, of course, a big toot of Puss's glogg might help too! ;>
     
  5. AnonymousOne

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    Mmmm Let's see,

    Step 1.) Sever contact
    Step 2.) Purchase a large quantity of Bacardi 151
    Step 3.) Consume product purchased in Step 2
     
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I have a question for you Pluto.
    Why are you in contact with someone that
    has hurt you deeply, Are you going for seconds.
    just trying to hang on, Is she someone that
    you must stay in contact with, or what.:sf
     
  7. Pluto

    Pluto New Member

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    bighiker,

    No, I am not going for seconds. I'm no longer "attracted" to her. I'm in a really happy relationship but in the back of my mind, I am thinking of just being normal friends with her yet. She's no body to me and never will be but I really can't explain the reason I just want to chat.

    Thanks everyone for their input. It's probably really me being stupid for even thinking about this sort of thing.
     
  8. Bella

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    I don't think you are "stupid" as you put it. I think it shows that you "cared deeply" for this person. If you are in a happy relationship now though; you should let it go.
    ~Bella
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Bella


    Bella has it right, let it go Man
    and dont ever look back.:sf
     
  10. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    In all honesty you are probably better off not having any contact with them. Chance are you will have a honeymoon period where things are rosey but as time progresses it will slip back to where it was when it ended the last time. Don't waste your time and energy on this one.
     
  11. mark101

    mark101 New Member

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    I never understood that whole "adult" mentality of remaining friends. I think it's sort of weird opening yourself up for more hurt when you see them with new partners or hear about how happy they are etc.. From my own experience, I agree with everyone who've mentioned aspects of closure (tough thing to do) Move on, forget it.
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    It depends on the individual situation. I'd say that it is possible for some former boyfriend/girlfriends to remain friends after the breakup, but in other cases such as mine it's just not possible. My ex wanted to remain "friends" after we broke up and I tolerated his emails for a few months after I moved away, but after a while I stopped answering them. I guess he had forgotten, or wanted me to forget that he spent ten years treating me like shit.
     
  13. SexyScorp

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    I am a Plutonian (not sure if that what your name refers to)

    But anyway,,,,I have experienced this lots of times and hang on in there for grim death...

    Its just very hard for some of us to let go....deep waters and all that.

    I agree with what someone else said....try and cut the ties if you can..

    <3
     
  14. Dreama

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    I think that if your ex is special enough to want to remain friends with, you should. I don't understand hating the people you were with. Just because you aren't good together per se, doesn't mean that you cannot be friends with seperate lives. I've remained good friends with all of my ex's; my best friends are those people, actually. That does not mean that I have to have a breakdown after the breakup and give up those people completely. I don't have an 'attraction' romantically to them, but they are good enough people for me to remain associated with. Of course, I've never had abusive relationships, so I've never had a reason to want to totally disassociate myself. Do what feels right to you.
     
  15. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I'm working myself on the "let it go" thing. Anyone able to help? Will it ever not hurt again? Will I trust again? Find faith again? God, as a mature adult I know I will. But right now I can't get out of the fetal position....... I did what feels right for me. Now I doubt myself. Ugh. If I can make it through the next couple of days I know it'll get better. Family won't let me sleep through it (the couple days).
     
  16. Dreama

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    You are a wonderful person, first of all. The advice you have given us all has been wonderful, and I know that if you looked inward you would know the answeres to those questions, Mel. I'm willing to bet you already had, and I understand the need to look for outside support. Yes, it will get better. I've been in relationships that were a mess, when I got out of them, and when I was in them...I felt like the pain would never stop. But then, I got more involved with myself and found out that I'm not so bad after all. Love yourself, honey. You'll be just fine. If you need anything, feel free to pm me.
     
  17. Pluto

    Pluto New Member

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    Sexyscorp, I have listened to the comments here and have severed any form of communications with her now. So I am now happy that I won't have to be "tormented" by her.
     
  18. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    "Your" Happiness is entirely up to you.
    Its a frame of mind that you can change
    Just change your interest in life and chances
    are the frame of mind will change.:sf
     
  19. doberman

    doberman New Member

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    why delete someone from your contacts that you once were in love with. usually sympathy kinda still remains, at least its someone you know good enough, same with the other.. but if you're hurt once, its hard getting over that..

    i was left from a woman for another woman once. that was pretty tough stuff for me. but we still see each other from time to time and have coffee together, its very relaxed now.. not with all my exes tough..
     
  20. SexyScorp

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    Sometimes it is better to sever all times....

    It depends on the circumstances...

    Sometimes its too painful and difficult to keep in touch...

    Hope you are doing okay Pluto....sending some light to you

    x