Getting over her history.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Goldenlion, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Hey guys n gals. (long post warning)

    Basically im having a real hard time with dealing with my girlfriends past.
    We've been together for just over a year now and her past still plagues my mind to this day.
    First a bit about myself.
    I chose to wait to fall inlove before i had sex.
    At the age of 20 i thought, right, i dont want to be a 21 year old virgin. So i made the decision to sleep with the next gal who offered.
    Wasn't too long when the next offer came and i had her over at my place.
    We rolled around and we were about to have sex but i couldnt keep hard. Part of me didnt want to do it because i'd of wasted all of the time i spent waitin for the perfect lady.
    So we ended up not having sex but still rollin around naked and we had a great night.
    She had to go home to italy shortly after for Xmas. She got back and we ended up having a relationship.
    Originally she planned for me just to be a one night stand but she fell inlove with me.

    Shortly after i thought hmm she was a bit easy if she wanted to sleep with me right away (we'd previously only met for a cup of coffee a few weeks before)
    So i asked the dreaded question of how many ppl she slept with.

    she said 4, 3 of them being 1 nighters.
    Me being a virgin by choice was a little shocked but i was alright with it, until i found out how it all happened.

    She dated some guy "online" for just over a year, he flew from another country to come see her for 2 months, he fucked her and left her shortly after. So she considers that her first love and first major relationship.

    After that she needed a pick me up, so she slept with this beefcake guy from Canada after meeting him on a night out he paid for a hotel for the night and he fucked her.

    Next up she fucked some black dude who had a cock the size of a horse on a one nighter and one of her friends walked in on her, so its a usual joke which comes up when im about and it hurts.


    After him she met a friend of a friend who paid for her to come up to his city for 2 weeks and he shagged her, then ended up leaving her to go back to his ex.

    She told me it was 6 months after meeting me but infact it was as short as 2 months.

    Now to me, all these guys have paid for everything and had their way with her and in my eyes its like being a prostitute. Which is one thing which really gets to me.
    The other is that i dont think casual sex is morally right.
    being able to separate emotions from sex i think is evil and it spoils the special bond people form when inlove.

    Im mixed race, half black n half white and i thought at least i was her first dark guy and i was kinda lead to believe that. When i found out it was yet another thing i wasnt the first for.
    For our 1st anniversary we went for a nice meal and i booked us a lovely hotel with a 4 post bed etc... but even that wasnt a first because some guy who just wanted a fuck brought one. So again already done before.
    The list goes on and i wouldnt mind if she did all of this stuff when in a relationship but these guys have taken so much from her just for a single nights pleasure.

    In my opinion and with the opinion of many others, im her first real relationship and she's even said im the first person to of ever "made love" to her.
    So im her first real relationship but she's already been banged 4 times in the space of 8 months ?

    She believes she should be able to sleep with whoever she wants without being labeled as a slag. She also claims to be a feminist and over time i found out she's only a feminist as to cover her back about her past because she knows what she's done is ruined.

    Its fair enough if people want to sleep around but im not sure if she understand how it hurts a person like me who wont sleep with anybody unless its for love.

    So the things that hurt me are that she's whored herself out in a short amount of time, she had someone who's way bigger then i am in the manhood depo (im not small 7" but it still hurts) that so many guys have used her (she is such a muppet, she doesnt know when she's being taken advantage of, even some of her friends take advantage)

    And basically im having a hard time dealing with it. i want to get over it so i can just get on with loving her but something always comes up to remind me of it and its cutting me to shreds inside.
    Im starting to loose respect for her and it hurts her knowing her past upsets me.

    We've tried ignoring it hoping it will go away but there is always some reminder.

    Like this morning i mentioned that Elvis was "The King" because he could get ur wife or girlfriend who loves u dearly to suck his dick with a click of a finger. I saw a vid of him performing and girls were all over him, wiping the sweat off his face for him n all kinds. I thought it was kinda pathetic that girls can get like that just over a performer.
    Then my gf said she'd be like that if the beatles were still around.
    I was like well its a fucking lame reason to wanna shag someone just because of their music and she said well if ur single there is nothing wrong with sleeping with a band.
    Then all her easy 1 nighter past hit me full on and i cracked.
    So she's fucked off to uni feeling like shit and im sittin here hurting bad.

    What should i do ? im really torn on this... especially when im friends with a few girls and none of them have a slutty past :(
     
  2. squirtinbunny

    squirtinbunny New Member

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    I wish I Hhad some great words of wisdom here but unfortunately I dont. All I can say to you is that the past is exactly that...PAST! You cant change it either can she...even if she wanted to. So you need to start fresh and focus on what you two have and not what has been done in the past. Ive made many mistakes in my past also, but I now have a wonderful man who loves me for who I am, not what ive done...
    I would say as long as she was "safe" about it then you are good. BUT id this still bothers you then maybe some counselling would help...couple counselling is very good and worth every penny...

    Good luck to you and if you ever need to talk let me know:)
     
  3. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    Whew! Let me get right to the point - You are never going to get over her "past". Your demure views on women and sex will make that impossible. Your "ruined...slag" girlfriend (YOUR words, not mine!) deserves a man who can handle the fact that she lived her life before meeting him. You should continue your search for that one true virginal love. Good luck with that.
     
  4. Dreama

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    I don't think it's your place to judge. She wasn't with you-didn't cheat on you, so really, how is any of this her fault? If she has different morals and values, that isn't something you should judge either. And sleeping with four guys definitely doesn't make someone a 'slag'. All of the things you told us were the past, and the only advice anyone can really give you is to get over it, or don't. If you can't get over it, just leave her, and leave it at that. It wouldn't be fair to her if you continued to date her, when you're always thinking about how much of a slag she is.:eyes I don't feel she's done anything wrong. You just have to trust that she loves you, and finds something special about you that she did not with the four other men. If you can't, that is not her problem.
     
  5. cook74

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    Bravo!! My sentiments too.

    You are so judgmental of those that have casual sex that it is sometimes infuriating. Why don't you just pick a bride to be from a nunnery. :eyes

    Goldenlion, you are most probably a wonderful guy that would treat his girlfriend like a queen, you seem to have morals and principles that you vehemently stick to. So good luck finding the perfect girl for yourself, one without a past. Or if you really love this girl then let her start afresh with you and stop judging her. Talking about her past is just talk so don't get hung up on it.
     
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Goldenlion
    What a Woman does before you decide to go steady with Her
    is absolutely none of your business.
    Although You may find that virgin you are looking for
    and she will probably be a fish.

    Hiker
     
  7. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Thanks to Cook and Bunny what you both said helped alot.


    "Your demure views on women and sex will make that impossible."
    Just because i have morals, views and opinions on sex, im a woman hater ? I hold the same regard for when it comes to males also thank you very much. So you can drop that sentence right away.


    Im not interested in a virgin or a girl without a sexual history. I dont care if you've had sex with 100 people, its fine with me if its out of love.
    When i made love to her, she was shocked that she's never felt anything like that before which means she's only been banged around by guys who dont hold much respect for her and that adds to the upset i have, she knows she's been taken advantage of now that she's felt what real love & sex is.

    Im not having a go at her or calling her names or anything, i'd never do that to anybody let alone my own partner.
    Cook your right, i'd die for my girl, i'd do anything for her quicker then a heartbeat.
    I've given her everything; my whole heart, my time, my money, my friends, my family, my life and my virginity.

    It upsets us both a lot.... what i dont understand is she still holds her free opinion of sex with whoever you want, be that a person or an entire band... thing is she tells me she wants to be with me forever, so why kick up or always bring up such things when its made irrelevant if you plan to spend the rest of your days with a single person ?
     
  8. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Guys... dont get me wrong here, im not interested in a fucking virgin!
    People do exist who dont believe in casual sex and sex in only love situations. Just because thats my chosen principle doesnt mean i want a virgin, and no need for insults just because my views differ from yours.
    My ex had a few sexual partners and they were all from love built relationships so i had no problem with it at all, i was with her for 4 months then we split before we had sex.

    The girl im with now i fell for her almost instantly and we had sex within a week or two of knowing eachother.... although at the time i was just another guy on her "one night list" but then she fell inlove with me.
     
  9. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You need to do a bit of a reality check. By that I mean you need to accpet what has happened, it is in the past and there is no way you can change it. Second thing is that you need to change your perspective. Yeah fine she has already has done some of the things that you have not done BFD. Being the first is not the issue as it sounds something like a five year old would say. Instead the issue is that you are doing it with her and that should be the thing that matters.

    From my experience young women are looking to experiment sexually but as they get older they want to have a meaningful relationship. At least based on your posting it sounds as though she is looking towards you for some stability in her life and may view you as a long-term relationship. Even though she has already had one serious relationship I can guarantee you it was most likely an infatuation and not real love. If that is the case then you have one thing all of those guys did not her love. That is what should matter not what she has done, what she has already but what she has to give you. If you have this much of an issue with her past I can guarantee living in the UK, like yourself, that this will not be the only woman that has a past.
     
  10. cook74

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    I don't believe anyone has insulted you Goldelion. It's all good mate. People just disagree with your views. Don't feel insulted because of that. The majority of people that will comment only want what's best for you and your partner and some may feel that the best thing would be for you to chill out about her past, that is all.

    What people say may seem harsh, but people just say what is on their minds. Your point of view is just as important so don't feel hard done by. :)

    If your girlfriend's reminiscences about her past upset you then you must address it with her, tell her your side, don't order her to stop, just tell her it makes you uncomfortable. If she loves you she might make the effort. And if you love her then you also can make an effort to be more understanding and forgiving.
     
  11. heelfetish

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    I'm just having a hard time understanding how you can fault her for having casual sex when you yourself came oh so close to doing the same.

    What happened in her life before she met you is none of your business. What matters is how she behaves NOW. It's obvious you have strong feelings for her, so my advice as well is to stop judging and get over her past. If you can't do that then I'm afraid that you're in for a rocky relationship. :(

    I agree with Cook though, in that you need to let her know that her talking about her past experiences makes you uncomfortable. She should respect that and stop.
     
  12. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Goldenlion,

    I was in the exact same situation as you...

    My g/f had a one night stand with some guy she worked with... he banged her in the basement on top of the copy machine...

    She dated a married guy...

    She had sex with a guy she couldn't get along with, only because he had a big dick.

    She also used to drink way too much, smoke chronic, etc.

    I wanted to wait to meet the right girl before I had sex... I am against doing any kind of drugs... and I hate alcohol.

    In the past I always tried not to judge my friends and push my beliefs on them...

    But when I found out all of the stuff she had done before we met... it was hard to deal with at first.

    I saw a pic of her when she was totally wasted..taken when she was 19 I think... and
    I couldn't believe my beautiful, intelligent, caring girfriend was the same person as in the pic.

    Then a month or so later I found out stories from her and friends about the one night stands, married guy, big dick guy, etc.

    I then realized she didn't smoke weed anymore, she had stopped drinking, and she would never cheat on me.

    So who was I to judge her about what she had done in the past? She was a kid..17-23 or so when she had done all of these things.

    Dating a married guy was what bothered me the most... and I found out the guy was separated from his wife, though. I sat down and talked with her about it, and was glad I did.

    The one night stands where just impulsive decisions - and I made plenty of those (and still do).

    The guy with the big dick - like you I am a little bigger than avg, but wasn't in this guy's zip code (he was over 9 inches, she actually measured him for fun one time when he asked). I was never one to worry about my dick size, but I'm only human and this made me think...

    So ya that bothered me for awhile... but then I realized that I showed her where her Gspot was.. Im the one who had wild sex with her outdoors and just missed getting caught by a group of Nuns on that trail the one day by 2 mins. I'm the one who has made her cum so many times in a night that she fell asleep for 12 hours.

    She wasn't with this guy anymore for a reason... she wanted to be with me.

    In the end, that is all that matters... that your g/f loves you and wants to be with you bro.

    Only judge her on what she has done since you where together... let the past stay there.
     
  13. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Just curious...do you have a past she has gotten over? I think it just might be fair to do the same. People change, for better or worse that is your judgment. In her eyes she thinks she is doing so good, and in yours, so bad.

    Just do the one thing that no one else has done for her. Love her unconditionally. Show her that she is what matters, not what she has done in the past.
     
  14. ChargerBabe

    ChargerBabe New Member

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    Her past has made her the person that you are with today.
     
  15. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Dude...

    ...move on. You want some inexperienced virgin, fine. If the thought of a woman who has fucked some serious studs and yet she wants YOU and that doesn't make your chest puff out??? Give it up.

    The men your women have been with before you is supposed to be exciting and interesting to you because it is a part of her, has nothing to do with you...until now. It's OK to feel bad if she cheats on you or moves on and fucks all these awesome guys. Then she's saying they're better than you. For now, beat your head against the wall and find the reset button.

    She's chosen to be with YOU. You're perspective is fucked up. In my opinion.
     
  16. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Then...

    ...it's really simple. Tell her that you believe in sex only when people are in love and you think casual sex is wrong. Then say good bye. There is nothing wrong with that. My post was in response to you having problems with it. You believe in what you believe and stick to your principles. At the end of the day you gotta live with you.
     
  17. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    agreed

    look, if you haven't yet gotten over it, you're not going to. I could go on about why i don't think your thinking is correct (I think it's really shitty, actually. The way you refer to her as being like a prostitute and whoring herself out) but that's not going to make a difference. Bottom line: You're probably not going to get over it. Move on.
     
  18. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    PS: That's..not why he's called 'The King" - where did you get that?
     
  19. kaffwahn

    kaffwahn New Member

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    The past is the past, and I wouldn't worry about it - if she feels comfortable telling you about it then you should feel honoured that she chose to confide in you.
    I know my boyfriend's past and I'll accept it because he's been honest about it. If I had heard about it from someone else I would be distressed not only because he's done some odd things but because he wasn't honest about it.
     
  20. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Goldenlion, you've posted about this before and by now it's become clear that you and your girlfriend are incompatible. You are simply not capable of dealing with the fact that your girlfriend has a "past." I understand that it's the circumstances under which she had sex with these four guys that really bothers you, but please try to understand that sleeping with four men does not a slut make. You said that what she did is basically the same as prostitution, which is completely mystifying to me. How could you possibly think such a thing?

    Do yourself and her a favor and break up. You are incapable of respecting her and that doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Find a girl that's more suitable for you and let her find someone who's more suitable for her.