Getting on with Marriage and Kids

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Puss_in_boots, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    My brother got married about two years ago and he and wife just found out they are having a baby! I know that he is absolutely beside himself with joy. Ever since he got married he's been talking about becoming a daddy. So, I'm going to be an auntie! I'm super excited and happy about this. :D :D :D I'm a step aunt but this is the first time I'll be an aunt to one of my own blood relatives. :D

    Ever since I found out, I've been thinking about how it seems that so many of my friends and relatives are either pregnant or have recently had babies. Everyday it seems, I hear a new pregnancy announcement. I'm 34 years old and have never been married or pregnant. This was my choice; made the decision to lead a more unconventional adventurous life than most people I know. I always told myself that one day I'd settle down and get married and have kids, but so far all I've achieved is the settling down part. If the Swede and I got married it would unbelievably expensive and complicated. We're both children of divorced parents and we'd have to have two weddings: one here and one in the US. I know our parents want us to get married but I'm thinking it would be a huge relief to them if we just went down to the courthouse and got it over and done with. We can't afford one wedding, let alone two.

    As for having kids, I'm getting older and I need to get on with it. I'm as ready as I'll ever be to become a mother. I have a decent job as a high school teacher but my income isn't very high. I'm not that worried, though. At least here in Sweden, with all the help one gets from the government (i.e.: six months of paid maternity leave, child benefits, low-cost health care and day care, etc.) I know I could support myself and a baby. However, my SO doesn't have any income. He was studying to become an engineer but he dropped out of school six months ago and hasn't had much luck finding a job. I work more or less full time and he does everything else, all the cleaning, laundry, food buying and the like. I can tell you I really like this arrangement. I definitely do not want to end the relationship.

    Anyway, I'm not asking for advice or anything. I'm just sharing my thoughts.
     
  2. Dreama

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    Wow, Puss. Congratulations on the good news with your brother. I know you aren't asking for advice, and I'm not really trying to give you any, except for this: You are awesome. You know what is best for you. If you want to make this happen in your life, there is no reason for you not to do it. I know that two weddings is a whole bunch of planning and money-I didn't even want to deal with one wedding, which is why I had the smallest one imaginable, the only cost being my marriage license. One thing you could do, is elope and do something special as a honeymoon. That way nobody gets their feelings hurt if you don't invite them.

    As for the baby stuff, if you want a child of your own and can support yourselves, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go for it.
     
  3. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Thanks, Dreama. I've been having these thoughts and feelings with gradually increasing urgency for a while now. This announcement from my brother and sister-in-law really made me see what I'm missing out on.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Puss, I was in your shoes when I turned 30. I didn't even have a man in mind that I wanted to marry, though; I just knew that my feelings went from "Marriage? Kids? NO FUCKING WAY!" to, "Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a little family of my own?"

    I got married and had my son (not in that order. ;) ) when I was 32. I'm so glad that I was that age instead of in my 20's like so many people I know. Being mature really helped me to deal with my new life and all of the amazing changes that came with being a mom and a wife.

    I say, if you want to get married, do so. If you want to share it with your family, have it video taped or even do it live via Skype. Quirky? Sure, but pretty cool if you ask me.
     
  5. Hot Wheels

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    I don't know you on a personal level Puss and I can only judge on what I have seen on this forum.
    So when I think of you and the words....kind, caring, compassionate and life experience come to mind.....I'd say that any child lucky enough to call you Mom would be very fortunate indeed....:bow
    Its decision time.......make the right one for YOU.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

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    I think he rather likes being a "house husband." However, I haven't quite found the opportune moment to discuss any of this with him. I will, though, probably later on today. Anyway, I think you all for your advice and support. :)
     
  7. HardRocker

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    I am a house husband. I like it. Lots of hot moms in the grocery store.:cool
     
  8. heelfetish

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    Too funny, HR.

    Puss, I'll echo the sentiments above. I think you've finally come to the crossroads as most people do at one point or another in their lives. Your maternal instincts are kicking in, your desire to nest is taking over. I advise not to ignore those feelings, as everyone I know who has ended up regretting it when they were older.

    I say marry if you want to. But by no means do you need to be married to have a loving family. If you do want a wedding, you don't have to have anything big & fancy. I don't really agree with the courthouse, but the wedding itself doesn't have to be an expensive endeavor. One of the best weddings I've been to was by far the most low-budget. Total cost was less than $1000 Canadian. I say get married in the country of your choosing, then have 2 receptions. One in Sweden, the other back at home. No need to go all out, a pot-luck supper with your closest friends & relatives will be more than enough, and won't break the bank.

    Those are just suggestions, I hope I don't come off as telling you what you SHOULD do. My sister is currently engaged and is thinking of forgoing the traditional wedding & reception for financial reasons, and I'm trying my best to convince her otherwise. So I'm passing the same advice on to you. :)

    I just think you'd make a great Mom. :)