Getting old?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Helltoupee, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    This probably should be an ask guys thread, but I think women may have also gone through this with their men so I'll put it out there for all.

    Basically I want to know what is normal for losing ur sex drive after 40.

    I'm 42, and circumcised, so have always had sensitivity issues with condoms, but in the last 5 or so years, sex with one is about as sexual as doing the dishes.

    I can no longer have an orgasm with one, and with some women I can't have one in any shape or form, oral, hand, whatever.

    I haven't met anyone that I or they are interested in a long term relationship, so condoms have been necesarry in all situations, since my divorce.

    I also have problems sometimes even alone, with orgasming without any sensation at all. A bit of cum comes out and I go limp, but no feeling of orgasm at all.

    I also am usually not horny and have to work at it to get horny.

    I have been to a urologist, but they can't find anything. I did have what they think was an infection in one of my testicles, but she said it wasn't serious and shouldn't effect my sex drive.

    This has been going on far longer than this ailment. In the 3 years before I met my wife I only had sex once, and it also didn't work. Often with my wife, without a condom, I merely gave up after 45 minutes or an hour due to exhaustion and lack of feeling just making it feel like work, with no element of pleasure.

    In the past, sex was like heroine. My breath would deeeper, and heart beat heavy and It felt like entering a trance of exstacy. I was usually very tantric and big on foreplay, finding that the best sex, to savour it.

    I don't have too many more hobbies. I used to love music, but find it now very commercial and nothing really new or innovation or interesting. So sex is about the only thing I really still like, the rest seems like killing time.

    I have low blood pressure (possibly another reason for this) and doing sports can make me sometimes dizzy.


    the biggest problem is my new GF. It's a new thing. She lives about an hour away, and it's nothing steady yet, but we have had sex about 5 times, all with no happy ending for me.

    I'm sure all will see this as an overstatement, but she is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. She's fit, not really skinny, but no real fat either. Not too thin, and not what I would call overweight by anything more than maybe 10 pounds. She has a EE chest, and looks georgeous without any makeup, natural beauty and is relaxed and ez going, not nervous, or panicky, or complaining. She looks not like the new plastic barbie models, but the real womanly look from the 60s, Marilyn, Sophia Loren type beauty, curvy, soft body, but not at all chubby. All the things I am enthralled with, but still nothing.

    I sit there during it looking at her in amazement and can't believe I'm not more turned on the entire time.

    I want to know if this has happened to any one else.

    My urologist says it might be stress, but stress since 6 years ago?

    I also make sure and not to masturbate for a week before our dates, and still nothing.

    I'm afraid my last real pleasure in life is disappearing.

    I know the male sex drive decreases with age, but to the such an extreme and so early?

    Everyone says I look about 30-35, and I'm height weight proportionate, 6 ft, 185 lbs and fairly muscular. Not like an old geezer that would have given up on sex years ago.
     
  2. Barbwire

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    Maybe a urologist isn't the best professional you could be talking to about this. She's said you are fine, so you can rule out physical issues. (You might want to get a second opinion, just to be safe.)

    Perhaps you need to talk to a therapist to get to the root of your problem?
     
  3. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    Thanks for ur reply!

    I'm not sure insurance will pay for that, and am pretty sure i don't have the funds atm. I would also need a transfer from my doctor, which is how the system works here in order for insurance to pay for it, and the answer there for about half my problems they can't figure out is also the stress cop out.

    I also did a search for "Sex Therapist" in about a 100 mile radius and not much comes up except escort services and books on the subject.

    Not looking good at first glance, but I'll keep looking if no one else has any insight and all believe this isn't just normal old age.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    You don't have to narrow your search just down to a sex therapist. I'd broaden my search, if I were you. I'd also check into getting a second opinion from another urologist if you can.
     
  5. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    Thanks again, but can u be a bit more specific?

    I apologize, but....

    broaden it to include what?

    Also, if anyone experienced anything like this and got some kind or therapie, or some kind of solution, what was it, and did it help? This is in case my search turns up not so many results, or I can't afford it.

    Also, just to throw this in, I don't take any anti-depresants, btw. I tried one about a year ago, when I first started having health problems that the doctors thought were from stress, and it did cause this.

    My current peoblem is very similar to the side effects of anti-depresants, where sex drive and function are severly reduced. I just haven't taken any medication in the last year, of any kind, so can rule that out.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Have you had your testosterone levels checked?

    What I meant about broadening your search was, you are looking at it as strictly a sexual problem, which, in all likelihood, it is not. So, instead of looking into a sex therapist, why don't you look for a general therapist?

    It's a shame you have such a troubling problem and your doctor doesn't seem to be helping you. You are looking to people here on SF to help you, but we aren't professionals and what you need is sound advice, not speculation by amatuers, myself included.
     
  7. cuntsncocks

    cuntsncocks New Member

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    I agree with CowboyLover
     
  8. HardRocker

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    I hope you can get in to see an internal medicine doc or a family GP. Maybe a good blast of depo-testosterone will light you up. You're not diabetic are you? Do I understand correctly that you maintain an erection just fine, but cannot acheive orgasm and ejaculate?
     
  9. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Ok, you indicated that you HAVE used anti-depressants? Could it be that you're still sort of "detoxicating" from those? How long does that usually take? If you took them for say 5 years it could be that it takes longer than a year right? Do you still feel like you're depressed? To me, the sudden lack of enthusiasm for music seems to indicate that. I used to be a professional musician and music is one of those things that I could never get enough of and it has very little to do with how much "new" music is out there.

    The only times I have ever heard of anything like you're describing is when men are on anti-depressants. Even if men's sex drives might decrease with age (I would think they would have to be way older than you are too) I have always thought that the "interest" in sex hasn't decreased, just the drive itself (you know, getting it up etc.). They still find women sexy, they get horny but just can't perform like they used to.... you know what I mean?
     
  10. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    My doctor is an internal medicine practitioner, if that's what it's called.

    Your last statement is correct. Initially all is fine, but after half an hour to an hour of little or no sensation and not reaching or comming close to climax, I get bored and lose it, but mechanically all seems well.

    The troubling thing is that there has been a huge drop off sexually. In the past, arousal was a total body thing. I was very sexual, and orgasm was earth shaking, followed by 10 minutes of near paralysis, and euphoria. Now it's barely noticeable.

    Sex used to be an initial arousal, or general feeling of horniess, followed by the act itself which was a constant build up until climax. On a graph it would look like a mountain. Now, it's initial arousal, but doesn't go up from there, just plateaus and goes back down.

    Alone I can still manage it, but not always and often give up after half an hour, but with a partner, especially one who doens't know my body that well, it's 100% what I just decribed, for the last 2 years now.

    I just had my blood taken to test for my thyroid function and will ask to test my testosterone level as well.

    I asked for the test, cuz I walk about 7 to 10 miles a day, and if I eat more than a lean sandwich, a salad and an apple a day, I start gaining weight. I'm basically living on about 800 -1200 calories a day and my clothes starting getting tight if I eat more than that.

    I'm not looking for medical advice here, but am looking for what to look for, that the doctors seem to be missing.



    Do mean a psychologist?

    I saw a neurologist and he also gave me a clean bill of health, and was the one who said to try the anti- depresant, which made me feel terrible.

    The problem is that I never had any of these problems in the past. They all just seemed to accumulate in the last 3 years or so.

    The sexual thing, as I said had been going on longer, but I dismissed most of it for several years, as the first incident, I had a bit to drink that night. Then with my wife, we had a lot of confict in our relationship, and I thought it had more to do with that, but now, there seems to be no other reasons for such troubles.

    I'm basically trying to see if anyone had any thing similar that had their doctors also stumped and who they turned to then and what if anything helped.

    My first thing was to see if this is normal for people my age, and that seems to be answered as no, as most here seem to think there is a problem.

    So I'm at least one step closer.

    Thanks for the replies everyone.
     
  11. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    First I think u need to reread my post:

    "Also, just to throw this in, I don't take any anti-depresants, btw. I tried one about a year ago, when I first started having health problems that the doctors thought were from stress, and it did cause this.

    My current peoblem is very similar to the side effects of anti-depresants, where sex drive and function are severly reduced. I just haven't taken any medication in the last year, of any kind, so can rule that out."


    Regarding music, it is for me about new music. I'm not one to listen to the same thing over and over and am always looking for new interesting creative, innovation sounds. That to me is the kick in just about any art form for me.

    Listening to Sweet Home Alabama for the 500th time is like listening to the same joke for the 500th time, it doesn't really do anything for me. I also used to see concerts at least once a month, but now, maybe once a year. I have also looked for about 5 years now, but can't find anyone intersted in doing something new and different, but if I did, I doubt ther'd be an audience for it. I palyed for 20 years and am bored with playing in little clubs for 20 - 50 people.

    The reason the neurologist gave me the pills initially, was that my wife left me for some guy she met on the net, but took all our money to do so. I had just finished a training course and was looking for a job, but had nothing at the time.

    I ate nothing but a loaf of white bread, butter, vitamins and tea for 10 days, and the next month got my food from a food pantry that gives out what bakeries and grocery stores throw away.

    It wasnt some irrational or chemical depression and it was the first time in my life, I had such a high level of stress. It was a legitimate traumatic situation, and as I said, I took two pills, felt like crap, and was sexually dysfunctional and never took them again.


    So there's another point. I don't feel stressed now, and I have some good friends, which I didn't have before, as I live in a new town. But could the trauma of that have caused some psychological damage that is causing this?

    It would seem odd to me. I'm really find this girl I met fantastic, so I don't really have any fear of women. She's 180 degrees different from my ex, who was energetic, fun, but a ball of neurotic stress at home, and constant anxiety. In the 3 years we lived together, I don't remember her ever being relaxed. She was like a huming bird.

    I also had this problem one time before her though.
     
  12. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    No, my last blood test showed I'm as healthy as an 18 year old.

    Perfect cholesterol, Low blood pressure (mostly too low), blood sugar level perfect, sodium level perfect, and I think they think because of that and a clean chest ex- ray, clean heart ultra sound and heart catheter, that I'm a hypochondriac, but I did pass out 3 times last year in two months for no apparent reason, and I'm usually exhausted as well.
     
  13. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    I'm sorry I read your post wrong.

    Well, since nothing seems to be wrong with you physically or psychologically, maybe it's time for something unconventional like acupuncture specialists, herbalists or healers or something like that. I once went to a healer (I know how this sounds) and it was like my energy doubled afterwards, plus I could actually feel how her energy went into my body. I don't know how else to describe it... I'm not big on the supernatural but it can't hurt to try right?
     
  14. Barbwire

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    I don't know what pills you took or what your doctor told you about them, but from everything I've experienced and read, it takes weeks, sometimes months, before your body acclimates to anti-depressants and you know if they are helping you or not.

    I'm sorry you've had such a poor time of it, but perhaps you haven't exhausted all options yet.

    Oh, and yes, I did mean you might want to look into seeing a psychologist in my other posts.
     
  15. HardRocker

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    The reason I was curious about diabetes is that it can cause neuropathy in the extremities, of which, your genitalia is included. But in the absence of an obvious disease, I doubt if dead nerves are the case. Do you have normal tactile sensitivity in all parts of your penis: the shaft, head and frenulum?

    I assume the urologist did a digital check of your prostate :ugh and it felt okay. The only thing I keep re-thinking is the low blood pressure and fatigue and fainting. That sounds too significant to blow off. But if you had ED, which you don't, that all would make more sense. I wish I could keep mine up as long as you do.:p But I'm almost 10 years older too.
     
  16. Helltoupee

    Helltoupee New Member

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    No prostate check. I merely described my low sex drive and the strange feeling-less orgasm, where cum just short of dribbles out with out any pressure. In the past I could squirt 3 or more feet. Then the urologist from this alone dismissed it to stress.

    Another odditiy is I still precum quite a lot.

    But the sensitivity thing seems to be coupled with just a general feeling of not being turned on, together with a desire to have sex, which I find wierd. I want to feel horny but I don't if that makes any sense.

    Almost every year, I have a month or so where I'm not that interested in sex, but can still have it, but I feel ok about it, and enoy the break. Now I don't feel good about it and it is not just a short period of time.

    I think I'll pay her (my urologist) another visit, and see if I can persuade her this must be more than stress, but she seems pretty clueless about the cause of this herself.

    If that doesn't work, then I'll try to see a shrink, but not sure I'm covered. My ex went when she was having nervous breakdowns because people were talking on the bus, and she wanted to read her newspaper in peace, but they only allowed her an hour twice a month.

    I'll update you all, and also for others who might be doing a web search for something like this.

    Thanks again all.

    Don't take ur good sex for granted, and enjoy some for me this weekend :)
     
  17. blackcutie

    blackcutie New Member

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    Yeah Nice answer I am Totally agree with you keep going .
     
  18. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Re: Here comes the old fogey!

    Maybe you already are an old geezer, and you should just quit!

    You could easily turn into an old geezer duffy-duddy! I'm older than you. Also everyone takes me as younger.

    # 1 Stay active! Personally I run 10 K marathons, I bike rather than drive, prefer stairs to escalators, and always look for the chance to do more exercise!

    #2 Eat right! Stay away from trash food! I resolved to eat a salad a day, and never fail!

    # 3 Pleny of fun sex! I've had a steady gf for a year now, 14 years my junior. We've built up enough trust to open the door to act out nearly any fantasy! Carry in the hall mirror for a blow-job, baby oil up her butt to feel those curves, have her dance nude for you, count the possible positions together! And do 'em!

    #4 Don't be afraid to use blue tab. I do ocassionally. The feeling is the same, but your rod stays harder, longer.

    #5 Make more women friends! Remember, nothing attracts women like other women! When a girl see you with female friends, she figures, well, he must be a nice guy. Also they think, "what's that guy got? Maybe I should check him out!" Believe me, it works!
     
  19. bojo11

    bojo11 New Member

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    Diabets can cause things like you are describing. I turned 70 yo 5 years ago and began to loose intrest in sex some, then 3 years ago was diagnsed with diabetes and neuropathy. My sex drive realy droped off then. For the past year and half i have been impodent. No labeto at all now. It's gone. I am an old geezer now.