Getting my husband to let go

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by AGFUNK, Mar 14, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    I've been looking into bdsm more and wanting my husband to be really rough with me. Biting, clawing, slapping, name calling, being chained up, etc. He already knows my limits and we have a safe word. How can I get him to relax more and just go for it? We have time to talk about it more since we really can't do many of these things at home right now since we have a studio. Our date night is in May and I really want him to do these things to me among other things, it's all I can think about. Any suggestions?
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    I'd be interested in finding out how to get men to listen too!

    I had an exbf and no matter how many times I told him spanking didn't hurt me he said he felt like he was hurting me and that was a turn off for him.
     
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  3. AGFUNK

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    He says he doesn't want to hurt me as well. Says that he could easily really hurt me.
     
  4. HotForHoney

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    They will fuck with our emotions and not bat an eye, a little spanking and then they don't want to hurt us!

    MEN!
     
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  5. ginger

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    hum thats not, not listen thats being considerate, its not fair to false someone to do something there not comfy with :p
     
  6. HotForHoney

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    He was comfortable once when he spanked me so hard I could feel his hand prints for two hours.

    We aren't forcing them, we want them to be comfortable. She was asking HOW to make him more comfortable.

    Seems plenty of men want to know how to get their wife/gf to have a 3-some.... What's the difference? Oh, this isn't the double standard thread.
     
  7. ginger

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    So men don’t listen but your ex did but you’ve said he didn’t!?!
    "Seems plenty of men" so we are all tarred with the same brush and that all women are perfect, if us men seem to know how to get you girls to have a 3 some as suggested above then more of us men should be happier lol

    "What's the difference" I have no idea maybe a perfect female could enlighten us :p
     
  8. HotForHoney

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    I'm trying to!
     
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  9. Redline1

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    Do to him what you want done to you. He will get the idea.
     
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  10. JonJo

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    I think that there is a form of double standard here but it is not a conscious double standard and both standards are, contradictorily, on the male's side and I use male instead of man on purpose.
    Personally I think that in most situations, including less intense sex, the in-breed instinct of any male animal is to protect his mate from being hurt.
    This can include by himself as well as outside things and just 'telling/asking' isn't always sufficient to overcome this - as Ginger says "it is being considerate", which every man should be to his partner and which most partners want them to be.
    Many times a 'considerate man' will wonder if his partner is only saying/asking for something because she thinks that is what he wants to hear; at times like this words are often not sufficient on their own to overcome his instincts.
    Many times when I have been really horny I have 'held back', despite being told it is "OK", until not her words but her actions, reactions and sounds (not words) have told me that it was OK to 'let go'.
    Having said that about the natural instinct not to hurt there can come a point in intense sexual arousal where other 'animal instincts' take over and not just slapping but biting, scratching, gouging, etc.., ..... can take place but in my experience these usually take place when the male has got very clear signals from the female, none verbal but yes audible, and bodily from her similar actions, that she has reached that pitch herself.

    On the wish of some men to want to share their wives/gfs this personally has me totally baffled because it does go against ever 'instinct' of the whole animal kingdom - and here there might arise the conflict of 'ownership' - but the natural thing is "my mate is my mate and don't you dare try to take her". I have thought about this long and deep, have researched it and I cannot find one instance of any other animal willingly 'sharing' their 'mate'.
    It isn't a case of 'possession' but why would any male go through the whole (sometimes difficult) process of 'chasing' her, persuading her that he is the mate for her, committing to her - and then wanting to share her? To me personally (bad English) it goes against all logic.
    Do the women who agree to do this do it because 'their man' wants them to or because they also want to?
    Every item of research shows that men feel more betrayed by infidelity, than women do - women feeling more betrayed by emotional involvement - so why do some men want to actively encourage/know/watch their partner being f*cked by other men??????
    I might have missed them but I have never see a thread 'How do I persuade my husband/partner/bf to have a threesome'.

    Bit of a 'wander' there, sorry if I went off track.
     
  11. HotForHoney

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    Well said, even if you agree with Ginger!!!

    I see your points.
     
  12. ginger

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    ^ well said sir :)
     
  13. JonJo

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    Thanks both - was a bit worried after I'd posted it.
     
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  14. AGFUNK

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    I've bitten him and scratched him. Did the other day when we had sex and the condom got stuck. He's not into the whipping or anything hard like that so doing that to him is a no go.

    I got him to bite me the other day and kept telling him to go harder and I really enjoyed it and he heard and saw the results from that so I'm hoping that's all it will take. I couldn't be as loud as I wanted because it scares little guy.
     
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  15. 12barblues

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    As men we've been raised by our mothers to be respectful of women ...And told by our fathers that a man never lays a hand on a woman. Then theres always the fact that 90% of women would be apalled at this stuff....Then we meet a freak.,,, and she wants to be chained and Beaten, and wonders why we can't do that for her.....lol ... Now some of you know that my girl is one of those "freaks" . And we have found that I can do The rough, intense sex.., but I have not yet been able to do the " ritualistic " bdsm type stuff for her... Altho I have enjoyed cuffing her hands.. As jonjo said, it goes against what we believe to be right. But I believe that it's more what we're taught is right, rather than what's instinctively " right"... If you watch other animals mating rituals, it can be a fairly "violent" thing... So I believe if a man can turn off conscious thought , he can become much more aggressive in the bedroom. But again, all of this is with partners consent..
     
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  16. WS4

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    My wife didn't want it that rough but it did take me some time to find my animal side and give her some of the pull the head back with the hair and pound the living day lights out of her.we were each others first in high school so it was always gentle or urgent kind of sex with few variations. We did try some light bondage not for us. But face down with her arms pinned and a arm around her neck she loves that shit.
     
  17. EnglishDad

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  18. jdhst

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    I have a similar hang up. I'm pretty sexually adventurous and open-minded and I love to please my partners, but getting rough is an area that I'm not really comfortable with. I'll spank a girl and pound a pussy as hard as she wants it, and I can do some biting and tying up, but it's hard for me to imagine striking a girl with any degree of force anywhere but on her ass.
     
  19. Anotherday

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    As mentioned in many replies most men are raised with the idea of being gentle to women and then there's the constant barrage from our PC society that women are to be held on a pedestal by men and always respected.

    While I agree with those ideas the way to wrap your head around being dominant or rough or both with your female counter part is to understand its something she wants something she likes and enjoys.

    Once I understood that my wife wanted more of this rough treatment, more dominant action, to be treated like a slut it was still not easy to become accustomed to the idea.

    But over time we've grown together and now it's just a part of us. I hold her with even greater respect in that she is willing to fulfill her needs with me without shame or worry of what society tells us is acceptable behavior between a man and woman.

    What she and I enjoy in our bedroom is our business and no one else's.

    As to your question on "how to" all I can say is to talk about, play with it, and have patience. It takes time.
     
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  20. johnnyangel694u

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    To me, that is something that can only really happen in the heat of passion. You can talk and plan but I think the hormones have to be flowing for it to happen.
     
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