sorry for this rather odd post / topic / thread. the post below initially started as a response to the quoted text, but went somewhat in a strange direction, so while it was aimed at his prob, i feel it'll destract the thread too far off topic, so i've written it won here instead ! reply if you like, don't if you don't !! just feels kinda good to have gotten it off my chest ! hope ya'll don't mind ! it can be very hard at times to trust someone who has been unfaithful, my partner, says she has never been unfaithful with me, though i know when we had a bad spell that she has spoken to a guy who's been after her for a long time, despite previous requests for her to tell him to get lost before i go see him, which she assured me she had, whether they have or have not been together, i do not know, i only have her word for it, which should be enough, but i know he sent her pics, and she's sent pics back, text messages too, i also know that during her marriage, she was not getting the love she craved, and had a number of affairs, including myself, who she eventually left her ex for. we were seeing each other for around 2 years before she finally plucked up the courage to leave, so i know every excuse she used, working away, meetings, etc, so if things are not going too well, i do tend to get a little suspicious when i hear these old excuses, despite the fact i believe they're genuine, I occasionally find myself reading emails if she's left the email logged in, phone bills etc. i feel awful for doing it, and she swears she's never been physically unfaithful, despite the pictures, but sometimes doubt or curiosity gets the better of me. i'm no angel though. despite being faithful during our two year affair, i did sleep with my ex when she briefly ended our affair, which i regretted, and again, just over a year ago, during a very rocky patch, we'd pretty much split up, and i thought that was that, i happened to be with someone who i knew wanted me, and the feeling was mutual, i'd known her for a while, and the chemistry was all there, dspite only having seen each other at social gatherings on a few occasions over a number of years. she'd now split with her husband, i thought i'd split with my partner, and things happened, to be honest, it was absolutly amazing, not any more so than with my partner, just in a different way, the door is always open there, and as much as i like the theory of the fuck buddy thing, i just can't do it, although i've come close a few times when it's been rocky here. anyways, i ended up coming back, and still to this day, i regret hurting my partner, who i confessed to (she'd guessed anyways), and hurting this girl, who'd fallen for me, as hard as i'd fallen for her in the couple of months it went on. the logisitcs were just too great though, she lived in carlisle, which is more than 150 miles north of here, she was a friend of a relative i'd visit on occasion, she was smart, sexy, attractive and funny (no more than i get from my partner, but what more could i ask ?), it just couldn't work though. i was so messed up at the time, didn't know who or what i wanted. i'd thought i was relieved when my partner and i split. the biggest head fuck for me, was that i have kids down here, and simply couldn't live without them, or as i discovered, my partner, whom i love very much, a whole lot more than i realised, it hit me big time, so hard it was almost like i wasn't there half the time,realising the enormity of what i'd done, more so when i saw my partner so messed up for so long, i felt sick to the core. in a funny way though, i do believe the whole thing made us stronger as a couple, in many ways, but it has brought about other issues which raise their ugly heads from time to time. so, when it gets rocky, i think we're as insecure as each other, but we always manage to pull through any rough times, i guess this site helps me to a degree, sometimes, if i feel low, not getting any attention or generally feeling unwanted, and begin to think about a long train journey north, for all the wrong reasons, i simply come on here, read other peoples probs, opinions, or issues, browse some fabulously great forums, and everything seems better ! i simply realise that nothing is so bad it can't be sorted. unless you don't want it to be. god, don't i talk alot of crap, i don't think a lot of this has much to do with your initial post, but hey, i got it off my chest !! i think the upshot of it all is, that trust is easily given, but easily lost, it's a whole lot harder to regain it, than gain it in the first place. we just have to live with that fact, and get on with our lives the best way we can, and try to banish that little suspicious voice ! i'm also happy to add, that currently that little voice is nowhere to be found, and things are better than ever ! best of luck my friend !