Getting confidence back

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by chato99, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. chato99

    chato99 New Member

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    Hey, I'm totally new here, but am in need of a bit of advice. I met someone around 8 months ago who I absolutely adore. Our sex life has been superb for both of us, totally satisfying, until a few weeks ago. We started having some major arguments and I started contemplating if it was really worth it. I got super down, as I had changed my whole life (and country!) to be with this person. My libido took a nose dive and the downward spiral continued. In the last week or so, I have decided to give it a go and see if we can work things out. Since making that decision, things have picked up. But, for some reason, I've lost all confidence in the bedroom. I'm feeling insecure and super nervous to the point where although I'm ready for action, as soon as talk of going the whole way starts, my heart starts racing and I totally lose the ability. I know its completely psychological and we are even close enough to be able to discuss it, which is great, and she just says don't worry, we'll get back what we had in a while. My question is, how do I get my self-confidence back? I feel like I'm stuck in a downward spiral of excessive thinking about it which makes it worse and worse. How can I snap out of it? I know all I need is one episode to get me back on track, but I need the confidence first of all to have that episode...so its kind of a catch-22. Does anyone else have a similar experience?
     
  2. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Please tell us what caused the problems
    you are having.
    That way we can give an answer.

    Hiker
     
  3. chato99

    chato99 New Member

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    Sorry, neglected to mention that. Basically I feel like I've lost self-confidence plus my self-esteem took a bit of a battering after the arguments we had, as they were deeply personal and quite hurtful. I guess its made me feel quite inadequate in many ways, and this has spilled over into the bedroom. Its weird as I've always oozed confidence there...
     
  4. ScottishLad

    ScottishLad New Member

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    talk to the person you are obviously still hurting from something they said so it effects your confidence and it can in many ways it happens to lots of people tell them what you had said really hurt them ask them if they really meant or if it was just heat of the moment. Also sometimes when you lack confidence it is best to try and be determined to show the person wrong, tell yourself i will show you and then go about making them see they cant live without you