getting back out there

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by babyblue, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. babyblue

    babyblue New Member

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    I want to get back out into the dating field but I havent dayed in a long time. I am a little scared now to date after some bad experiences of being cheeted on. Thing is im now pretty shy and accward when it comes to guys. Any advice on how i can meet some people? or where to go to meet them? my big thing is finding a guy that isnt intimidated by my independance and my size... any advice at all??
     
  2. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Have you tried "pot luck suppers"? They always worked for me way better than bars for example. Another idea is to network with people who have some common interest; horseback riding, music, church, dog shows, or volunteer work!
     
  3. babyblue

    babyblue New Member

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    theres not alot of that in really into. my life right now pretty much consists of work. i meet alot of nice guys there but i cant really ask them out. i also do alot of volunteer work at the local college but it just never seems to lead into anything...
     
  4. Bluesy

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    As far as your physique goes, I've seen your pics (just took a peek :tup), and you have a very lovely figure...I'm sure you'll find a guy (or two or fifty) who would be honored to demonstrate his appreciation of it :brow

    Well...something to bear in mind is that those men and women who are most likely to cheat usually have some emotional baggage (or mental health issues that predispose them to egocentric behavior, impulsivity, etc.) and aren't particularly adept at selecting compatible mates (because this type of person doesn't like being alone or has very few criteria, or none, for a partner--they don't know what type of person would compliment them best or they're willing to "settle"). And, I gotta say it, commitment to a moral code of conduct is kind of important. People who haven't taken the time to develop a solid personal code of ethics, or who pay lip service to morality but neglect to put it into practice on a daily basis, are just living life from one second to the next with no real guiding force in their lives, and these are the people who are mentally and emotionally unequipped to deal with temptation. It's something to bear in mind at any rate. Not a fool-proof guarantee of fidelity, but certainly a greater guarantee of fidelity.

    Healthy self-esteem is important. Look for a guy who seems like he's pretty secure and enjoys his life--this is of vital importance, the ability to lead a fulfilling life sans a love relationship (that way you'll know he isn't needy or desperate). Maybe make a list of those characteristics you want your future SO to possess and think of the types of questions that can be inserted casually into conversation that will stimulate relevant discussion. Should he be spiritual/religious? Should he like pets? What are his values/priorities? How ethical should he be? What's his sexual philosophy? (Yes, you CAN and should discuss sex during the getting-to-know-you phase of dating; sexual compatibility is important!) How physically active is he? This is a good exercise in learning more about yourself, too. Do you possess those traits you want in a SO? (It's only fair after all, and like does attract like.) Are you the kind of person you'd want to date?

    The number one determinant of compatibility (according to the experts) is not common interests (those change over the course of life, anyway), but similarity in personality. The more alike you are, the better. If you're a retiring homebody, avoid the gregarious party-goers. If you have a wry sense of humor, your soul mate should also have a love of irony. If you're emotionally demonstrative and he's reserved,that's a no-go.

    Remember, you aren't trying to find someone who's fun to hang out with, you're interviewing for a potential life partner. Keep the focus on trying to find out what makes him tick and you won't have time to be nervous. And, he should be asking questions, too. If he's altogether pleased by your sweetness and pretty face/sexy figure, if that's all it takes to impress him, he's not taking the dating process seriously enough (and he's probably kinda needy--pass!). The kinds of questions he asks will tell you a lot about his values/priorities, btw.

    Oh, and forget bars/nightclubs; they're only good for hook ups. Good places to meet potential dates: book clubs, volunteer organizations, through friends, dog parks (it helps if you have a dog, of course), community events, common interest groups (collectors, movie buffs, political activists, sports teams, etc.--http://www.meetup.com/), online dating sites, church, adult education classes (community colleges usually offer classes that cover a very broad spectrum of interests and some are fairly inexpensive)... Hopefully others will have some more ideas! And, of course, in your quest for Mr. Right you may meet all kinds of interesting people and form a few new friendships, as well. You gotta love fringe benefits :tup

    Best of luck to you, sweetie :)
     
    #4 Bluesy, May 1, 2008
    Last edited: May 1, 2008
  5. cook74

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    You say that you can't ask the guys out from work, why? I bet if you paid attention you might notice that one or some of them check you out every now and again. :brow

    Not all guys are the type of dickheads that have wronged you. Those fuckwits (sorry, Aussie slang (insert prick and retard)hard not to use...) should make you stronger, not weaker. Give someone else a chance to love you.
     
  6. babyblue

    babyblue New Member

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    its in out policy at work that we cant flirt or exchange personal information with customers... aparently they had problems with it before