The most important thing I want you to take away from reading these two articles is that both your ability to orgasm, and the amount of pleasure you receive from them, isn’t a static thing. You have the power to vastly improve both. One of the best ways you can do this is by making sure that your pelvic floor muscles are strong. You may have heard about exotic strip shows in foreign lands where women are able to do “tricks” with their vaginas (like picking up coins, or squirting water at patrons). They’re able to do this because they’ve trained and strengthened their PC muscles (or pelvic floor muscles – official name pubococcygeus muscles) to a point where they have total control of how they use them. I’m not suggesting that you learn how to pick coins up off the floor with your vagina in order to thrill your boyfriend (though of course you can), but I am suggesting you do the very same exercises in order to reap the great benefits. Why? Because strengthening your PC muscles (which are those that surround the opening of the vagina) not only makes your vagina tighter (which will thrill your lover), it can also increase the pleasurable sensations your vagina feels during intercourse, the intensity of the orgasms you experience, and both in turn will increase your sexual confidence. Always a good thing in my book. All this from the simple little exercise of pretending to stop urinating! It can be done anywhere, at anytime, with no one but you the wiser. The official title of these exercises are “Kegel exercises” (named for the doctor who invented them) and in order to do them you simply pretend you need to stop peeing. In the beginning it will feel quite strange, so build up gradually. Begin holding the muscles tight for a count of five and then work up to a count of twenty or more and add several repetitions. Once you’ve tuned into this part of your body you’ll begin to learn how these muscles actually work. You’ll become aware of yourself in whole new ways. Experiment with yourself. Try the exercises while you masturbate. Squeeze around your fingers, dildo, or vibrator and see if you begin to feel new sensations in your vagina as they tighten around an object (but of course make sure you’re aroused and well lubricated while you’re doing so). Try squeezing in short pulses and long steady holds. Which feels better? You can even learn to tighten your vaginal muscles only at the top and ripple them down and then back up. Does that create any interesting sensations for you? Why not get your lover in on the fun? Last week we talked about having your lover enter you while either you or he also stimulated your clitoris. Try having him do this after you’ve done the exercises for a week or two and see the difference it makes, try different positions – from you on top, to him behind you with you both laying down, and yes the male favorite – doggy style. Tightening your PC muscles will also help you locate your G-spot more easily. For most women the G-spot can be quite a challenge to locate, if they find it at all, but once they do it’s usually worth the effort. From all the reading I’ve done it appears that scientists and doctors are still debating on what the G-spot is (and some whether it exists at all or not). One of the most interesting and logical explanations that I’ve heard is that it is the back end of the clitoris, which would explain its special sensitivity. In my experience finding your G-spot isn’t a one shot deal – it’s an exploration into waking it up, and your fingers may not be long enough or strong enough to do the trick – you may have to rely on the help of your lover. Located usually about two inches up from the entrance of the front wall of your vagina, it doesn’t usually feel much different than the surrounding tissue until you’re already aroused. The best explanation I’ve heard of what it feels like is the spot on the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth where the ridges begin (this is from a male friend). For myself personally, I found it most easily if I stroke my clitoris at the same time – it triggers a pleasurable response. A common reaction to G-spot stimulation is the urge to urinate, but if one breathes through this sensation and is patient it should instead be replaced by pleasure. Try bringing yourself to a “blended” orgasm first – that is stimulating both your G-spot and your clitoris at the same time. Blended orgasms are often more intense than an orgasm from stimulation to just one spot. A blended orgasm can also be from vaginal and anal stimulation at the same time (but for anal stimulation to be pleasurable you don’t need to be penetrated, it can simply be from stroking the outside of the anus gently). If the orgasms you experience from G-spot stimulation don’t seem to be any different than those you experience already – give yourself time. Your vagina may need to “wake up” from years of being left out in the cold. Most women don’t treat their vaginas with the respect and care they deserve. We learn they’re a place to be embarrassed about so it may take you quite some time (and care) in order to begin feeling truly pleasurable there. Again, remember that you may need the help of a lover to actually connect with your G-spot, or you can try one of the sex toys like the crystal wand that are specifically designed for G-spot location and pleasure. As with discovering anything new sexually, you need to set aside plenty of time and patience to create a rewarding experience. Fast and furious intercourse may become pleasurable later on – once you’ve really discovered how to create the sensations you want – but this is something that may take months to understand. Great pleasurable sex is too important to short change. Give yourself the time to learn all you can. Once you’ve learned to wake up your G-spot by yourself or with a toy you can then move on to finding it with your lover inside you and your days of boring or painful intercourse may well be over! In the beginning it’s best to bring yourself to a G-spot or blended orgasm manually (and/or orally) and then move onto intercourse. This is when you learn how wonderful being a woman and our ability to multiple orgasm is. You may still need a bit of clitoral stimulation to get things going so “woman on top”, “spooning” or “doggy style” may again be your best position choices. In closing I want to strongly urge you to make your orgasms as important as you make your lovers. Yes, women are sexually mysterious. Yes, our sexual plumbing is often a challenge to learn to successfully arouse to orgasm – but that doesn’t mean we deserve to have fewer orgasms than our lovers. Short changing yourself in the orgasm department is only going to breed resentment. What you want to learn to breed is both pleasure and desire!