Funny Sexual Encounters

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Barbwire, Jan 24, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

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    I've read a few stories here about hot sex, raunchy sex, romantic sex, and kinky sex. What I have yet to see much of, are stories about funny sex. Here is a little story about something that happened to me in my single days. I hope you get a good laugh and perhaps add a story of your own.

    Oily Tub Sex

    a cautionary tale by Cowboy Lover

    In 1987, I had a summer fling with a guy. He was tall, slender, and hung like a horse. I will spare you the details, but he and I hit the sheets PLENTY. Anywho, one night we came back from partying, and found out we had his place to ourselves. (He had two roomies)

    So, at some point during the course of more drinking and smoking, we end up thinking slathering baby oil on one another, then screwing in the tub, was a swell idea. We doused each other in baby oil, giggling like a couple of school girls, Trouble is, we greased up in his bedroom, then tried to walk across the tile floor to the bathroom, stoned, drunk, and horny, in a fashion that can only be described as akimbo.

    We get to the bathroom unscathed, and I promptly go to the toilet and deposit my Alabama Slammers into it with much heaving and gnashing of teeth. I am somewhat sobered by this process, and realize I am desperate need of a toothbrush. My boytoy says, I can use his, so I do, then get into the tub with him.

    We go at in various positions for a bit, but soon realize that drunken and oily tub sex ain't what we thought it would be like. We waddle back to his bedroom, finish the deed, and fall asleep.

    Some time later, we are awoken by shrill screams of, "Who used my fucking toothbrush?!?!? What FUCKING PIG used my toothbrush?" The voice was that of boytoy's girl roommate. Next thing we hear is her knocking on the bedroom door, then banging, then finally, as we cowered under the slightly greasy sheets, she slams the door open and comes in the room brandishing her toothbrush.

    She turns on the light and thrusts her toothbrush under our noses. To my horror, I see CHUNKS of Alabama Slammer and pizza! I am mortified, petrified, and cross-eyed with shame. I admit to my crime and mumble my apologies as she storms out of the room. Boytoy is laughing like a loon at this point.

    We drift off to sleep, and are once again are awakened by shrill screams. This time the girl roommate is screaming, "Who put motherfucking baby oil in the motherfucking tub?!?!? This time she doesn't bother knocking before she slams open the door to the bedroom and screams in our faces, "It was you two nasty pigs, wasn't it? Well, I fell on my ass because of you, you assholes!"

    True story, I swear.
     
  2. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    Haha! sounds like he girl screaming at you guys needs to get laid LOL
     
  3. Barbwire

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    I don't know about that, but she definitely needed a new toothbrush and some ice for her ass. :lol
     
  4. syrupstains

    syrupstains New Member

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    ahahahah I bet! xD

    I don't really have any funny stories...well I guess maybe that one time with my first bf and we were playing around I was only in my panties and I my hands and feet were tied to the bedposts when his sister knocked loud and started to open the door he got up in a flash threw a blanket over me and blocked the door...she kept hollering like "What you guy's doing in there?!" xD
     
  5. Barbwire

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    That was a funny tale until your late sentence, then I just got creeped out. :lol
     
  6. gixxer750

    gixxer750 New Member

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    damn dude... sucked for you. If my cock was bleeding, I think I'd pass out
     
  7. Hot Wheels

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    I'll repost this one from a couple of months ago....

    Friend of mine had a fight with his missus about going drinking with the boys (including me)and went out anyway. She stays home and goes to bed early.
    He arrives home late,'as drunk as', and comes up with the bright idea of climbing through window and do the big fake Cossack soldier rape scene with his missus.:shifty
    He strips off his clothes on the front lawn and starts climbing through the window and gets stuck, she wakes up ,its pitch black she screams and starts hitting him with an umbrella... he yells out "its me, its me" and she belts him even harder.. :punch
    Neighbours have heard her screaming and called police, he falls backwards out the window and lands in the garden screaming obcenities at her while she is hanging out the window doing the same back,then locks him out of he house.
    Police arrive to find him standing on front lawn stark naked yelling at her to let him in the house.
    All this happens at about 2.30am:rofl .......true story.