frustration

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Tech, Oct 21, 2006.

  1. Tech

    Tech Member

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    yup yup yup - moan moan moan. Sorry :(

    I've never ever had a relationship or a fling or even a one nighter - and btw, I don't do one night stands. The closest thing to some comfortness is a hug and I don't get that at all - once a year maybe if im lucky.

    I've been trying to at least have a female friend but have non. Why? Well as sad or stupid as it sounds, pathetic people here are all about looks - im not pretty at all but to me looks dont matter and thats the bottom line for me. To these people where I am, it does even if you are just talking in general.

    Can't even get a hug or a kiss! And I see many people who are (sorry to say) worse looking than me with hot chicks! :) lol.

    You see and hear people who do it with the same age group or doing older women, I want that! I try to work for it, even if its fun but sex is not everything to me at all. As long as I have a decent human being who cares and understands, thats all that matters.

    You see and have friends who comfort you, spend time with etc... and I don't have that. Sure, "e-hugs" mean something...well, not quite really as I would prefer hugs IN PERSON...you know, one human holding another.

    Now, im not moaning or feeling sorry or anything but its a fact that even in your lives, at some stage, perhaps more than once, you feel like thats and its only natural which you can't prevent it. Sorry if you disagree but I believe this and have gone through and currently going through it.

    I know I know, do something about it and I have but given up also a very long time ago for many many reasons and have been put off by women some what but I still respect them.

    I'm not abusive, I don't do drugs or drink or one night stand. I believe to be a decent honest person who believes in self improvement both professionally and personally.

    I just don't know what to do. I feel that my severe depression is coming back and wish it wouldnt as it took me ages, with the speed of moving away but lets not get to that, to get it off me and I was happy. Trying to move away for good soon but until then, who knows when it will happen but currently suffering.

    What can one do?

    I thank-you for your valuable time and appreciate your replies, I just hope you understand where I am coming from.
     
  2. cbrmale

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    I am not sure where you are coming from, or where you are going to!

    One word of advice is that I think you should seek professional treatment from something more than a discussion board. At least a qualified psychologist to sort out your intimacy problems.

    I noted a clue in your comment about being put off by women, and it triggered something in my past that may be similar to your problem. You see I had a very 'difficult' mother, and to survive her attempted suicides and other manic behaviours I built this wall between me and the world, one which made it difficult for me to give all to relationships.

    The first time I fell in love was with a girl I met on a blind date, I had nothing but her name and a place to meet. Only when I met her I found out she was African (black, from Africa). And we fell in love. Later I realised I could love her in a way that I couldn't love Western women because her cultural differences did not trigger the fear response that my manic mother had entrenched into my psychology.

    Now I am not saying you should try a cross-cultural relationship, only to use mine as an example of how scarring from our pasts can cause problems for relationships in the present.

    The girls I knew and were friends with could never love me truly and deeply because I was always a little aloof and wary of Western women because of my past. On the other hand I could love my African because I knew she wouldn't never turn out the way I was scared of.

    I was lucky, I fell into something by random chance, I was extremely lucky. If I hadn't met this special woman, my life may have been needlessly unsatisfying. In hindsight, I should have recognised my problem and dealt with it.
     
  3. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I am not 100% sure what you are asking but I think I have an idea. You need to be comfortable with yourself and who you are. If you are not you cannot expect anyone else to be and if you are not comfortable with yourself you cannot expect to attrack the opposite. How do you get comfortable with yourself, only you can answer that. From the sounds of it you have allot to offer but you do need to get yourself off of the 'pitty-pott' as everyone who has ever dated has gone through a dry spell. It may take some time along with some rejection but you will find something soon.
     
  4. Tech

    Tech Member

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    well I am actually comfortable with myself :) I mean, I know who I am etc... thats all fine but i dunno. Even things like "oh you will find someone" doesnt help, its been many years ppl saying that to me...still havent found someone! People only say that because they are either in a relationship and are happy or because they think it helps someone else...it doesnt! :(
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    You mentioned that the people around you all seem to just go for the looks.. yet you also mentioned that you see guys that are worse looking than you with hot chicks. So, I don't get the impression it really is looks.

    From a female's point of view, most tend to be attracted to guys that have things going on in their life -- personal goals, hobbies, self-giving attributes (Habitat for Humanity... Big Brothers...stuff like that). Involving yourself in other things not only strengthens your own self-respect and character, but you will find yourself spending less time dwelling on your above mentioned problem.

    Finding a man (regardless of what he looks like) who is sensitive and kind and good-hearted is a great find. There are not many of your breed around. However, those qualities alone will probably not attract female companionship from anyone but your Mother. You have to employ interesting conversation, along with a belief in yourself, and a vibrance for life. The only way to do that is to deepen your own personal life.

    jmho :rose
     
  6. Tech

    Tech Member

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    thanks rose I appreciate it. I am all that I believe (from the list you mentioned) and do have alot of things going on in my life too. Every time I speak to a person or start chatting up or trying to engage in a convo results in them saying, point blank, to not talk to them because im not in their league or because I'm not attractive.

    i dunno. well i guess its not meant to be for everyone :)
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Tech - you are hanging around self-centered, arrogant idiots! People who blatantly cut down others are revealing major character flaws of their own. Seriously, you DON'T WANT to have them as friends - especially g/f's!!

    No civilized person speaks to another in such a demeaning manner. I would change my social circle, if I was you. Those kinds of statements sound like something middle school girls say, when trying to feed their own starving, immature ego.

    ^^^^^I guarantee you aren't going find anyone that meets that criteria in this group of people.
     
  8. Bluesy

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    First of all, a Huge (((HUG))) to you! Maybe not as good as the real thing, but that's as good as I can manage over the internet, you know.

    Tech, you said that it feels like your depression is returning, and if I were you that's the first thing I'd look into. That's something that will affect not only your worldview and self-perception, but your dating prospects, because depressed people are negative people and negativity is very repellant to others. I can see that negativity leeching into your post, and if it's obvious here, it's going to be even more apparent to people you interact with offline. Please think about getting that checked out and treated first, OK? And not only because you want to be in your best frame of mind when meeting new people, but because your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

    And I am totally with Rose on the subject of this toxic social circle of yours! Who are these clueless bitches?! It sounds like it's time for an infusion of fresh people into your life, Tech. Are you a spiritual person? Church would be a pretty much no-fail place to meet high quality people. Those Universal Unitarians encompass everything. They even take atheists. It's something to keep in mind, anyway. Volunteer organizations are a good way to meet caring, open-minded people, too. Heck, even a book group would be better than the places you've been hanging out. There are lots of possibilities. If shyness is an obstacle, that's something that can be tackled along with the depression. Whatever the obstacle, I guarantee there's a cure. Or a palliative--I'm not naive enough to suggest that depression can be "cured".

    I probably have some links you might find useful. PM me if you're interested, OK? I can virtually guarantee that if you address the underlying issues that are interfering with your social life, things will work out for you and you'll eventually meet the right person. It's not a "there's something wrong with me" issue, it's an "I'm doing something wrong, I don't know what, and need some guidance" issue. You just need to find the right guide to help you out (and very likely some pharmaceutical assistance).
     
  9. pirouette

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    Hi there. I'm sorry to hear that it's getting you down. You really deserve better. I don't know why women are so image driven in your area. But you are a handsome man (and I swear you have the longest eyelashes I have ever seen). Be patient...either you'll meet the right one or you'll move to a place where women literally break down your door to get to you. :)
     
  10. Tech

    Tech Member

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    I wish. but thanks, i do appreciate it. It's hard to explain especially if one has not seen whats happening here or if they have not been through it. Meh, i dunno. I'm used to it, dunno why i bother!

    *back to work*
     
  11. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Look Tech, if you are sad to the 3rd degree, there's a chick out there who is sad to the 4th degree! Go seek her out! Be the shoulder for her to cry on! Pray and ask God for help! Real love is like water. It always flows to the lowest level. And that's good! Flow down there, and reach down, and pull her up! And be a good listener !
     
  12. Tech

    Tech Member

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    I do that, I am that type of person but it just aint like that here. Maybe it is over there but not here. I do care and am a good listener but hey, I can't just say "so, what problems do you have?"

    anyway its ok, nevermind. Thanks! :)
     
  13. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    OF COURSE NOT! You say "How's it going?" And then be willing to invest the time to hear the poor girl out! Women really like to feel you understand them, even if you don't! Discover the joy of helping her wounds to heal! And believe me, everyone has wounds!
     
  14. Joe

    Joe
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    Tech, what Juicybrucey is saying is really true. I'm short, fat, bald, and poor, but when I was single (widower) a few years ago I had my choice of a dozen or more beautiful women. I often asked myself why, and the only answer I can come up with is because I enjoy listening and can empathize with them. And once in bed, I'm very attentive to their desires and (almost) always give them an orgasm orally before intercourse.

    I was with all kinds of women -- a doctor, a couple teachers, an accountant, an insurance executive, a nurse, even an exotic dancer; they were short, tall, slender, fat and in between; some were brainy and some were airheads; some were married and some were single. They all wanted more, and most wanted marriage. I'm sure none really wanted me for my looks. "Good looks" is good for getting that second look, but take it from me, it's not that important compared to understanding, compassion and generosity of yourself. Just hang in there and don't give up. Oh yeah, and smile. More than one said they loved me for my smile.