Frustrating! Incompatible sex drives

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by yuyo, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. yuyo

    yuyo New Member

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    I'm 33 and I just started living toghether with my 43 year old girlfriend. Everything is fine and we love and respect each other very much. The problem is that I have an extremely high sex drive, I can easily have sex multiple times a day, but she's seems to be happy having sex twice and sometimes only once a week. This is killing me. Should I try to lower my sex drive somehow? there is a way to do this? Do you think is unfair and selfish to ask her for more sex even that she dont want to?

    Thanks in advance.

    Sorry for my bad English.
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    Yuyo,
    Your English is perfectly fine and I did not even realise that it was not your first language.
    Perhaps your lady is peri or menopausal causing her libido to decrease or it could be that it has alway been lower than yours.
    A compromise may be the only solution; perhaps she can do stuff to you that is pleasurable yet not involve penetrative sex on those frequent occasions that you want relief. Also because of her age be sure to use a lot of lubricant as she may be getting quite dry as her hormones levels change.
    It is strange that for many some approaching menopause totally go off sex yet some exactly the opposite. Unfortunately my wife was in the first group and in the ned we had sex one a month or even less :(
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    She can either become a "generous" lover, and give you sex whenever you want it, or you can compromise on a schedule that is satisfying for you both, which may require that you give up some quantity for quality. One of the things my wife and I did was to schedule our play dates around how often she is able to have powerful orgasms. This makes her worth the wait.
     
  4. backcheck64

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    My advice, find someone with the same sex drive. The situation is likely not to rectify and will drive a wedge between you quickly.
     
  5. RideNaked2

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    ^^THIS is NOT always so! With good communication and understanding, just about anything can be worked out in a relationship.
     
  6. Peteher

    Peteher Member

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    I was married for almost 20yrs to a great woman that I loved very much but was in the same situation. I wanted it more. Got divorced ana few years back and found a freak like me. I couldn't be happier! Sad to say but I wish I didn't waste so much time with a woman with low drive. Life is much more fulfilling with someone you love and are sexually compatible.
     
  7. backcheck64

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    Do you have any clue how rare that having chat sessions actually increase a persons sex drive on a faily permanent basis. You might notice a forced temp increase, but sex drive is more innate and it's there or not. If it was high and she endured abuse or something, after years and years of counceling she may come back out...........but do you have that much time to waste on a slim chance?
     
  8. RideNaked2

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    Well, in my response you will notice I said...that it's not ALWAYS true. I must be rare then Backcheck! I have overcome something very similar to what the poster is speaking of.

    I was speaking of the fact that with good communication, love and understanding many things can be resolved in a relationship. There is much more to a relationship than sex. There has to be compromise in every relationship. Rather than telling someone to go out and find someone else...first shouldn't they explore ways to resolve the issue? Of course this is only my opinion.

    I'm done hijacking this..my apology to the OP.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    My father has been doing marriage counseling for years and years. You are rare. Sex is as important as communication, love, respect, etc. If any one part is missing you don't have a marriage. Think of a marriage as a car. Love is the engine, communication the body, respect the interior, and sex is the transmission. It takes all of the parts to make a car. If one is missing, it won't run. It can be beat up a bit, but it all has to be there to get anywhere. Different levels of sex drive has killed more marriages than anything. That's why people need to be very careful before they get married. It takes good communication on both sides, love and respect on both sides, common interests on both, and a similar, not necessarily exact, but similar sex drive on both sides.

    And since this is all within the realm of the OPs question, I don't see where you hijacked it at all. A fourm is a flow of ideas and ideals.
     
  10. Trond

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    It's difficult, but I have to agree with those who say that you should try to work it out. Your sex drive may change later for all you know, but if you really love someone, then that's more important.

    Besides folks (the other respondents); read some statistics. The two sexes do not, in general, have the same sex drive, so if you find a partner that you are fully compatible with sexually you're lucky. However, the numbers simply don't add up. Advising everyone who feels a significant difference in sex drive to split up would be counterproductive.
     
  11. yuyo

    yuyo New Member

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    Thank you all for the advice. I dont't think that split with her should be an option so early. As I say before all in the relationship is great except this. I realize that maybe this is due the age difference, who knows? we had a conversation about this issue last nigt, and she was very understanding and open, she even say to me that she is going to try and please me even when she dont want to (we end up fucking for several hours), and that is the problem. I dont want to feel like I'm being selfish or that I'm using her for my personal pleasure. Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe my sex drive will be reduced as I get older.
     
  12. 12barblues

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    i think youre doing fine on your own.....everyone here gave good advice, maybe take alittle bit from everyone? you try and work it out.....communicate , reach a compromise.....but don't spend your whole life in an unsatisfying relationship if you cant reach a satisfying middle ground... I spent 30 years trying before i finally had to leave and now im starting over at 47 and some of the best years of life have passed while i was in an unhappy relationship...i wish i could have them back.....nuff said.
     
  13. Dragon_Fire

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    I doubt age has much to do with it. Women over 35 tend to be hornier than they were in their 20s.
     
  14. cbrmale

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    I doubt that one with a high sex drive and another with a once or twice a week sex drive will find a satisfying compromise, although the number of women who want to have sex multiple times per day on a long-term basis would be rare. I echo the comment that we need a number of compatibilities to make a relationship work, and sex is one of those. Basically, a couple needs two with similar sex drives to work.
     
  15. turbulent

    turbulent New Member

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    Your problem is staring you in the face my friend, she's a 43yr old woman who's probably used to things a certain way, this new living together situation is probably very alien to her and will take some getting used to, that includes you btw.
    it's all in the compromise.
    I've been living with my girl for 6years now and we still find ourselves compromising and I suspect we'll be doing it for the rest of our lives. Thats generally how relatioships work.
    I'd say when a couple finds itself no longer compromising that one of you has too much power over the other, which I'm sure you'll agree is an unhealthy situation to find yourselves in.
    Give it time bro, it's early days, women are sensitive to their enviroment.
    in the meantime, buy plenty of tissues and pay your internet bills :)

    Jay
     
  16. LS69

    LS69 Member

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    i feel your pain. I have the opposite problem since im a woman. Its very frustrating to say the least. I love my Bf and confused on what to do myself. hope you find an answer!