Frustrated, Confused and Utterly Aroused.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by xkaleidoscope, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. xkaleidoscope

    xkaleidoscope New Member

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    I feel completely naive and stupid for posting this, but here goes ...

    With absolute certainty, I must admit that these past couple of days has been excruciatingly frustrating. I'm a virgin, and although I must admit that - like most people - I've had moments were I've been "horny", I've never felt so sexually aroused as I do now. Normally, these moments would last for a couple of minutes, disappear, and I would continue on with my daily life. They were never frequent, and I was utterly content with that. Now, it seems that every spare time I have to daydream, to think, my thoughts are mostly of those that are entirely sexual and erotic. My only means of distraction is probably being around friends and family, but even then it is not really a strong way to distract myself. I suppose being on school holidays at the moment doesn't really help either, as I am given plenty of time to just simply daydream and be in my own little world, haha.

    Usually, whenever I was sexually aroused thoughts of "smack-bam sex" filled my mind. Now, it's more than that ... I want to please and be pleased. I daydream of slowly teasing by my imaginary lover, and to be teased back just as intensely. Tying his hands onto the bed with pure silk as I explore his body and gain more knowledge on the male anatomy. Giving him glimpses of fulfilling his every desire, then taking it away from him - giving it to him again, taking it away again. Again and again until I finally give him his wants and desires. Having him help me explore my own inexperienced body, sexuality and sensuality. Having him fill my chasm with his manhood deep inside me as the room echoes our moans and grunts of utter euphoric ecstacy. And at the end of our session, the room be filled with lust, desire and utter completeness.

    Part of me would like to initiate this in reality, but I can't help but feel ashamed, unclean and "wicked" for having such thoughts constantly bombarding my mind. I'm by no means religious; in fact, I'm an atheist. I suppose, however, being raised into a Catholic family for the past nineteen years of your life can have that effect on you. I don't know, but having such thoughts also make me feel as if I'm doing something bad ... as if I've compromised my own integrity and pride for completing my own desires. It's a stupid argument, but I can't help but be persuaded by it.

    I want these daydreams and lingering thoughts to end, despite the taunting pleasure it brings. I've never had a boyfriend, nor have I ever had any sexual encounters with anyone before, even a simple kiss on the lips. Hell, I even blush when I'm undressing myself in the same room with my closest friends. And so, I'm afraid of the idea that such persisting thoughts may tempt me to pursue them and may cause me to do something I may highly regret. It feels as if my mind and body are working against me, coaxing me to do something I don't feel that I'm ready for. I'm resentful of that, but hopefully it may be a phase that will pass soon.

    I guess ... what I want out of this post is to know if there is anyone who had similar experiences to share. I'd be entirely grateful, as it would be nice to know that I'm not the only one. Additionally, I suppose I'd like comments and tips on how to relieve this sexual frustration ... if I may call it that. The traditional custom of taking a cold shower doesn't work for me, unfortunately. I know there's always the masturbating, but in all honesty ... I've never done anything so far as to rub my vagina with my underwear and pants intact. The thought of fingering myself makes me blush and as completely stupid as it may seem, I wouldn't know how I would pleasure myself through that method. I feel that I may leave that to a time when I actually am sexually involved with someone who can actually teach me, haha.

    I apologise for the long rant/post. I wanted to express everything I've been feeling for the last couple of days. Plus, I suppose I'm that type of person to add in useless information and details. My post may also be bit confusing and at times contradictory, but right now my my mind is in a bit of a blur. And for that, I apologise.

    Thank you. :)


    ~ xkaleidoscope
     
  2. cbrmale

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    I am not a girl, but I remember how it felt from a man's perspective at this age. We become sexual people at a fairly young age, by 14 more or less, and yet there are pressures on us to restrain or refrain from sexual activities for many years.

    Personally I feel what you are going through is healthy in a way, as it indicates you are a normal and sexual teenager, and one who is likely to enjoy herself once the moment is right. On the other hand you are extremely sexually repressed, and comments like ashamed and unclean are not normal when associated with something natural like sex. Similarly the blushing when undressing is a concern to me.

    The closest person to me is my wife who waited until we got married, a practice I don't agree with. Nonetheless she is religious, she waited, but that didn't stop her from relieving sexual tension many times through masturbation. As a result, she is the most orgasmic woman I have ever had sex with.

    Masturbation is excellent training for sex: males can use it to prolong their arousal and females can use it to train their bodies for arousal. In my country, sex education classes encourage teenagers to masturbate not only to relieve the tension of being an adult, but also as a learning exercise for sex. Listen to advice from others of course, but I feel that you need to release your sexual tension so that you can gain some perspective on sexual issues in a broader context.
     
  3. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    xkaleidoscope, You're definitely not the only one with these thoughts. In fact, the way you explained your feelings I think is fairly normal for just about everyone who isn't having sex. My sexual desire goes up and down throughout the day, just like yours. And the times when I am at work and keeping busy, I don't often have any sexual desire at all. It's the times when I am bored is usually when I get that sexual tension and begin having fantasies as you described. And yes my desires can vary at random too. On some weeks I'll be desiring sex all the time, other weeks I won't be desiring it much at all.

    But, if you don't have a boyfriend then having sex right away probably isn't going to fix your problem. Girls have the need to get to know a guy and develop feelings for him before sex will turn them on. Most girls do anyway, a small percentage don't care, we call them sluts. But sounds like you are not one of those.

    On top of that, most girls in the age range of about 18 to 21 can't orgasm from their boyfriends. So even if you did get a boyfriend, developed a relationship, and started having sex. Most likely that won't cure your sexual desires.

    One last downside. Your fantasies are nice, we all fantasize having the perfect sex. But most your sexual encounters just won't be perfect. Guys tend to have lots of problems such as pre-mature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or they'll just be boring, won't do any foreplay, or they'll be into doing different things that you would like. And if you're inexperienced, it could take a while before you find out what sort of things really turn you on too.

    So on the upside, your problem can still be fixed easy. Just like you said, I'd say masturbate. I know it can feel shameful, but just realize it's perfectly healthy. I don't know how to advise you on techniques, maybe read a good book on female masturbation. That would help you build up confidence to start doing it. I've also heard of classes you can take that shows women how to masturbate.

    Then go ahead and start dating, get yourself a boyfriend. Make sure you're comfortable with him and start having sex. But IMO, don't get into any real serious relationships until you're at least 23. And please, learn all you can about birth control and your ovulation cycles and so forth before you start. Require the guy to use a condom and use your own form of birth control on top of that.
     
  4. Dreama

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    Hun, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sex-or masturbation. You really should try pleasuring yourself. Even if you don't know how, it's a helluva fun journey finding out what makes you feel good. To make the job easier, buy a small vibe or something like that. There is nothing shameful in your body, thinking of sex, sex, or masturbation. Just do it, and you'll feel more relieved than you know!
     
  5. Orion

    Orion New Member

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    I'm off for break too. :brow
     
  6. Barbwire

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    I'll add my voice to the chorus...Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. Like cbrmale said, it's a great way to learn about your body and what turns you on. It also is a safe was to experiment with penetration, both vaginal and anal.

    If you truly believe that you are not ready for sex, then stick to your guns, and don't let your clit do your thinking for you. ;)
     
  7. xkaleidoscope

    xkaleidoscope New Member

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    Thank you for your responses; much appreciated! I feel a lot better, and perhaps writing out my thoughts has somewhat helped minimalise the arousal somewhat. Though, I reckon it's probably temporary. Good enough, I guess.

    As much as I know and understand that masturbation and sex are perfectly natural, I can't help but feel a bit awkward (if that's the correct word to describe it) about it still. Haha, I guess I'm a bit more conservative about this than I thought. I suppose it's really all just a matter of altering my perceptions a bit.

    I know that masturbating is probably the sure-way to relieve myself, isn't there some sort of other method? As completely immature, stupid and contradictory (somewhat?) as it may seem, I feel that I'm not up for it just yet. The only method of masturbation I've used (for the past 10+ years) so far doesn't provide a means of satisfaction anymore. And so, this probably leaves me to experiment, which is something I'm reluctant in doing. I really just want to put masturbating in the last, last, last resort pile, really.

    Gosh, haha. I feel like I've added complications to a perfectly simple problem. Oh well.

    Thank you all again, though. :)


    ~ xkaleidoscope
     
  8. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    The only thing I can think of is keeping yourself busy to help keep your mind off it. And certain medications will give you side affects that lowers sex drive. But sorry to say the only realistic way is through sex and masturbating.

    If you can come up with an easier way to relieve a persons sex drive, you should bottle it up and sell it. After age 10 until we hit the grave, we are all slaves to our hormones unfortunately.