Friends turning into Lovers

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

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    Once in a while I read about couples that start out as friends, then after a while they end up as lovers, sometimes having long lasting relationships. I have only encountered this once in real life, with two friends of mine that married.

    Is this a common thing, or only something seen in cheesy Hollywood fodder? Does anyone have any stories of friendships turned love affairs that they want to share?
     
  2. PulpFiction

    PulpFiction New Member

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    I had a friend a few years ago with whom I had a relationship. We were friends for almost two years before I *ahem* got drunk and hit on him. I hadn't ever really seen him as more than friends before that, but while trying to figure out how to apologize to him later, I realized that I really didn't want to apologize--I wanted to see what would happen!

    We dated for about a year and it was a great relationship. There was a bit of drama with a friend of ours who had a thing for him, but he wasn't interested and had told her that several times. But overall, we were a great couple and had a fairly torrid love affair. Unfortunately, that ended because I moved across the country for graduate school and he got a job in another state.

    However, to this day we are still friends who have 3-hour phone conversations regularly, with no secrets at all. I've visited him a few times since things ended, and he's definitely one of my best friends. We're both seeing other people now, and I treasure him more than anything even though I don't think we'll ever end up together.
     
  3. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    My ex-wife started out as one of my best friends. We were together for 11 years, and married for 8 of those. My first girlfriend after my divorce was also a friend of mine first..so it can happen.
     
  4. SexyScorp

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    All of my major relationships started off as
    just friendships.....

    I like to check them out for a while to see
    if they are worthy....

    lol
     
  5. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Hi Cowboy Lover

    My wife of 15 years now, started off as just a friendship.

    That friendship started off when she was 16 and I was 20 years old. I was a cocky computer office sales man, she was the SHY accounts girl working for a client company of ours. She always smiled in my presence and was really polite and nice.

    But, I spent quite a lot of time flirting with her more extrovert office girls.

    Only when she shocked me in asking her out for her 18th birthday did I realise what a treasure she truly was by going out with her on that first date. Only then did I begin to realise that my friend of nearly 2 years saw me with more potential than I could ever have realised previously.

    As soon as I got inside that shy exterior of hers, I discovered the delights within. I soon fell in love with her.

    The best thing I ever did was marry her.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Aw, Brad, your story almost brought a tear to my ice cold eye, and really touched my raison-like heart.
     
  7. SexyScorp

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    Aaaahhh lovely story.....*sigh*
     
  8. Barbwire

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    I didn't mean to sound so snarky, I am just down on love and marriage right now. Sorry, Brad.
     
  9. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    As someone called " Roy Castle " once said
    If you want to be the best if you want to beat the rest dedications what ya need.

    And i think it is the same for relationships as well.
    Every relationship has its ups and downs ( no matter if people says theirs is perfect) theres always bumpy times.
    If the spark in a relationship dies, it is very difficult to relight it again.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    I have never been friends with a guy before dating them, and I am wondering if that is the key to a long lasting relationship. If I took an honest look at my husband, and if we weren't already married, I don't think he is the sort of person I would be friends with. Don't get me wrong, he is an alright guy, but we have nothing in common besides our son. I think the fact that we aren't "friend" material is really showing at this point in our marriage.
     
  11. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    It's important for a couple to be friends as well as lovers!
    There's not much of a fun future to look forward to if this isn't the case.

    Take heed and make friends with your wedded partner, (if you're not already) it pays dividends in the long term.
     
  12. tr0n

    tr0n New Member

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    But nothing's stopping you from building up your marital friendship- even now. There's tons of stuff you can do together to grow closer in that way.
     
  13. angela

    angela New Member

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    my boyfriend & me were friends first
     
  14. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    Actually, every single time I've even been sleeping with a woman in more than a one night stand capacity we were friends before either of us even considered anything more of it. My longest relationship of 3.5 years was proceeded by 2.5 years of very close friendship and we are sill friends (with benefits) now.
     
  15. jemimer

    jemimer New Member

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    almost every single person I have been intimate with, has been a friend first, and still remains a freind.

    I dont think I could ever enter into an intimate relationship with anyone I couldnt be friends with afterwards. Most relationships I have been in have been long term. I couldnt share that part of my life with someone I didnt trust as a friend. And I think it makes the relationship special. Its usually the same things that split relationships, mistrust, misunderstandings, and lack of real communication. if they are a friend as well as a lover, its a lot harder to mistrust them.
     
  16. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    The love of my life was first just a friend. I hope always my friend.
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I think i would have to totaly agree that being friends first ( getting to know trust and admire each other ) is a solid foundation for a healthy loving relationship.
    I have had some very short relationships before that were just the lust factor , but they lasted weeks , and where not as fullfilling as i would have loved.
    the one major relationsship i have had lasted for 7 years and that started off as friends, turned to sex buddies then to a full blown relatioonship....when that ended i was crushed , but i did try to remain friends after, but her sleeping ( and being caught by me ) was just very difficult for me to get past, especialy as i had never once cheated on her. or in any relationship i have had.
    I am a one woman man, when i love someone and am with them personaly in a relationship no other female even gets close to geting me .so to be cheated on really destroyed me in many ways.
    But i still feel friendship first lovers after. its the best way :)
     
  18. Joe

    Joe
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    Most of my romantic relationships got that way before we were ever close friends. Only one blossomed from a very close friendship, and that one ended (totally) shortly after we became romantically involved.

    She was an employee of a business for which I was hired as a consultant and, shortly thereafter, as interim manager. Our business relationship and the fact that I was married and 20 years older than her kept it as friends-only for most of the six months that I knew her, even though I was VERY attracted to her. (She was one of the most beautiful women I've ever known.)

    She was unusually intelligent and had a very keen sense of humor, and we became very close friends. I loved spending time with her because she kept me in stitches with her wit. I think most of the time we were together outside the office we were laughing. Quick coffee breaks together turned into lunch breaks which turned into dinners and moonlight walks along the lake, but we were still just buddies. She invited me to her apartment a few times for dinners, but I said no because I didn't think that was appropriate -- especially in view of how I was starting to feel about her.

    Then one night when we were working alone at the office she literally threw herself onto me, pushing me onto my back on a corner table, still giggling but making it clear she wanted more. I stopped her right there and confessed my feelings for her but said I was married and, while I was planning a divorce shortly, I didn't believe in cheating. She said she had the same feelings and still invited me to spend the night with her, but I declined "for now". We talked about making some kind of life together, made some tentative plans, and then we kissed goodnight. Once. It was the most tender kiss I'd ever felt and my knees actually buckled. (Kind of embarrassing, since I almost fell down!)

    A few days later she discovered she was pregnant by her boyfriend, who had been away for about a month. She said she couldn't leave him at that point, since she was carrying his child. A few weeks later I finished up my job there and left. She handed me a long, handwritten letter proclaiming her love for me and stating how sorry she was that things had turned out the way they did. I never responded.

    Eighteen months later when I was traveling through that city I stopped to say hello. I was divorced at that point; she was engaged to the boyfriend and had a little girl. He was out of town for the week and she invited me to dinner at her place, but I declined again. I've never seen or heard from her since.

    I've been in love four times in my life, and that was one of them, even though we never consummated the relationship. While it didn't last long, I think it could have.
     
  19. Barbwire

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    Aw Joe, that story is just hearbreaking. :( Sorry it ended like that.
     
  20. nightrider1964

    nightrider1964 New Member

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    Hey CL,
    Yeah I think being friends first can really make for a stronger long term relationship, marriage, whatever. However, as I experienced once in my life friends can make great lovers (like the old country song says):brow