Freshly single...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Essene, Sep 5, 2015.

  1. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    ... and not looking to mingle.

    8.5 years of un-recyclable time. It seems like a waste to me because 1. When it comes to sex I can just jerk off and feel just as satisfied, 2. I didn't grow as a person. If anything I went in retrograde. 3. She made the decision sans consulting me which I'm meh about, but she also kicked me out sans a warning. She pretty much had a discussion with herself and made a large decision for the both of us. I guess that's cool.

    I know I could easily sleep with at least 5 (probably more) women if I wanted to. But that idea sickens me. The knowledge of that ability is only flattering for small increments of even smaller amounts of moments.

    I still love her, or maybe I don't, I'm rather stoic about the situation. I mean she is a piece of shit for kicking me out. I appreciate her quasi truthfulness. She let me go with an "I hate you."

    Na zdravie. With water.
     
  2. HotForHoney

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2013
    Messages:
    16,945
    Likes Received:
    17,215
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    North East USA
    Sounds like you are having a conversation with yourself now.

    Not sure what to say but @ginger says "boobs make everything better" so ...

    image.jpg
     
    Cappy_Dick, djanalyst and Dog_E_Ryder like this.
  3. MariaMaria

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    4,315
    Likes Received:
    5,332
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Welcome!
    Hope you find what you're looking for :)

    Oops, sorry, Thought you were a new member lol
     
  4. ginger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,945
    Likes Received:
    3,709
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    all over..

    yes they do @HotForHoney especially yours :D
     
  5. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm more of an ass guy anways. At this point I'm simply relaying what she told me and what she did to come to the conclusion that we shouldn't be together any longer. If she would have adressed the issues she was having at an earlier point in the relationship, perhaps smoother sailing would have ensued and we wouldn't be where we are now. However, my brother-in-law asked me if I'd take her back if she wanted to get back together. I never gave him an answer. While I guess I miss her, or there seems to be something of an emotional nature missing, I don't really have a drive to get her back. That left me with the question should we be together? A question that she never asked me. Or, perhaps, it should be worded (how she felt) a question she never felt like she could ask. She explained that she doesn't think I know what a relationship is. Perhaps, I don't, but (just like there are diffferent industries and they all produce different things via various methods, they all yield something. I don't think that there is one set of parameters for any relationship (friendship included). That would be silly. It has to be subjective or else "he slapped me around a lot last night until I bled," even with the right context, would always sound like an abusive relationship as apposed to that couples sexual penchant(s). Considering that as the most logical actuality I'm assuming that she had/has an ide of what her ideal relationship is and the relationship that we had no longer fit her bill. In fact, I don't believe that it fit her bill for a while. She just didn't announce that until it was over and that I find to be very immature and incensitive.


    No ma'am. I pop in-and-out, no pun intended, from time-to-time. I'm very much so unfamiliar with what I consider to be the newer members. I seldom post any longer.

    But thanks just the same.
     
    SWOJLO likes this.
  6. MariaMaria

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    4,315
    Likes Received:
    5,332
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    You're welcome.
    Break ups can be hard. I'm not sure why you posted this and I don't fully understand your reply to hfh, but if you care about my opinion, I'd just remind you that it takes two to tango. And if you want to avoid this from happening in the future, it might be a good idea to consider both parties' choices in the relationship and how they contributed to the end of the relationship ;)
     
  7. Candela

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2014
    Messages:
    4,868
    Likes Received:
    7,451
    Gender:
    Female



    You only telling us 1 part of the story..Why would she kick you out for no reason???
     
  8. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    Because this is the Sex and Relationships portion of the board, so I posted about my relationship ending. Also, tentatively ending sex as well. It does take two to tango. But she tango'd her way out of this one alone. As I said- I would have preferred for her to have given me some input when whatever issues she had with me arose. I was very quick to inform her of issues that I had with her. I doubt I'll change. I haven;t since I was approx. 13.


    I'm not sure if you're implying that there wasn't a reason or that I am making it seem like there wasn't a reason, but there was one. There were probably many. But the main one was I felt that I wasn't being treated fairly while living with her by her grandparents. I'd do all sorts of odd jobs for them sans thanks. One day I was helping a friend with his car. I used an under-torqued device and it slipped. I sliced open my arm in the wheel bay. I covered it and went to the store for supplies (such as butterfly stitches, gauze, etc). Fast forward, her grandfather put them on for me. I told him about the two top ones which were no longer adhesive, but he told me to leave them on anyways. I don't know if he didn't understand what I was saying or if he knew something I didn't. The purpose was to keep the wound closed. That can't happen if the skin isn't being pulled via something. Anyways, a night later- I go out to a bar with some friends. By the end of the night most of the stitches had been undone, via excessive bleeding. I was trying to fix the issue myself because I wasn't in a good mood and I knew I would have just told her grandfather "I told you that the stitching was coming undone and either needed to be re-done, or new ones needed to be put on there. I didn't want the hassle. Anyways, I was bleeding profusely. He woke up and was complaining about there being blood all over the house; which, of course, isn't possible because I'd either be dead or close to it if that had happened. Plus I don't think that 1-2 gallons of blood could be used to coat the entire house unless you thinned/diluted it with something. Anyways, the commotion woke up my ex and she came into the bathroom. When her grandfather was done she asked me if I was going to tell him "thank you." I said "no." Following that- we got into an argument where I brought up, again, how under-appreciated I felt and, thus, why I didn't feel the need to thank him for it. She told me that her grandfather didn't "need" to wake up to that "blood everywhere/all over the house." I work and attend school as well. In fact, it was troubling moving in with her grandparents because we moved farther away from the school that I attend. At this point one could say I should have just "taken it" as I was a guest in their house, but the only reason I was there was because the place we had before (to ourselves) was too far from the school she attends. So I moved back into a house where, at first, a very sickly and acrid smelling feces/blood covered dog was just dying and withering away. He was old and should have been put out of his misery; as that's what most people would do in that position. But she clung onto it. The entire house smelled foul. This is a bit of an odd segue, but one reason I was upset with her was because she wanted to have sex with that mangy, putrid smelling animal in the room, and I obliged, but there were a couple times, after it died (they put it down) that I wanted to have sex and had just gotten done being outside (doing something for her grandparents) or I just didn't wash that day or two days. She refused to do so until I took a shower. I understand cleanliness issues and hygiene, but it wouldn't have cause a complication as we always used condoms. At first I thought that I shouldn't bring the comparison up, but then I did one day in a fury. She wasn't very joyous with the comparison. Back to that day, after the argument, she told me that she wanted me out of the house by the time she got back. I told her "nah, I'm good here," but, then, later decided that I had, had enough of her in-capacities and what I consider shortcomings that I would do as she said, and leave. She told me that she hated me before she stormed off to her room. Perhaps it was just said in anger, or perhaps she did, indeed, hate me. Either way, all things considered- it was enough for me to actually leave. She messages me four days later asking me where I am and how's my arm which I found very bizarre. Tack on another 3 days she asked me if we're still even dating. I told her "I don't know. Are we?" She said "no." I said "okay." And, besides a discussion we had about a week after that, that has been the only verbal contact we have had.

    A lot of that just seems so superfluous to write out though.
     
  9. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,546
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    Well, we're still only getting one side and it seems very tinged with negativity towards her, your current life situation, &c.

    You said: "I haven't [changed] since I was approximately 13."

    Dude, that sounds like a major problem. You are aware of how much most people change over the course of that period of time, right? I know that I have changed massively (pun sort of intended - I've put on/lost tons of weight), and so have pretty much all the people I know and associate with. The people that haven't changed at all over the time that I've known them are the exact people I avoid. That's just unhealthy on so many levels and in so many different ways.

    I realize that wasn't the main focus of your posts here, but I think it's something you should address if it isn't an exaggeration.
     
    Cappy_Dick and MariaMaria like this.
  10. sandwich

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2012
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    2,411
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Essene! I had wondered what you've been up to. It's good to have you back.
     
  11. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    I haven't felt the need to change. I continue to function normally in society. If a time comes where I feel like I need to change, progress, mature, etc- then I will. That time has yet to happen. We all use our earlier selves as at least a stepping stone if not a foundation. "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." I haven't been in a position where past me and present me, being approx. equal, has been challenged enough by something with enough of a magnitude for me to change.

    Unfortunately I am not her. I gave as many details about how she felt, but perhaps it was diluted by me writing from my perspective. My apologies if it's old hat, but I am me. I very seldom write from another perspective unless I am writing something fictitious.

    I'll bullet her points for ease:

    You blame me for a lot of the downfalls in the end of our relationship
    We were pretty much just roommates
    You seldom hugged me or showed any positive emotion toward me


    P.S.- If there's negativity felt it wasn't derived from feelings associated with our relationships end. I'm only trying to be honest, and an honest opinion is that open chats about that sort of possibly life-changing decision are important. That is the issue I stressed.




    Howdy sandwich. Thanks. I've been reluctant to return as it used to be a bit slow, but there are new members. Also- a falling out with multiple members occurred and, thus, poof-and-back. I know the last portion is somewhat of an out-of-the-norm response from me.
     
  12. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
  13. djanalyst

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    5,289
    Likes Received:
    4,818
    Gender:
    Male
    welcome...'back' (?) Have fun. (your link doesn't work btw. ^ ):oops:
     
  14. MariaMaria

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    4,315
    Likes Received:
    5,332
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    I think it's happening now :) I also think you're not giving yourself enough credit. There's no way you haven't evolved in such a long time.
     
  15. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    Danke. Yeah- it was supposed to though.


    I'd know if I was changing. I'm very sensitive to self change and, honestly, besides wanting to be upset 24/7, I haven't changed all that much since those years. I give myself a lot of credit (believe me, I'm very egotistical).

    The rest, miss, you get in a message sans the bottle. I'm saving that for alcoholic consumption.
     
  16. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    Or not--- I couldn't find the message area:

    If anything, this is an echo that has been re-sounding in the chorus hall of my mind. At times the walls fall down and I lean on the pillars that support the ceiling. I can see change, growth, maturity, etc in the meadows, trees, and city streets beyond the walls of the hall room. Encroaching on what those areas mentally mean isn't a journey I'm willing to make or wanting to take. I am not protean. I am fine with the echoes. I have but one face, and one facade. But I, quite often, employ my face far more than the facade. The facade is elegant. It's tactful, tidy, nice, even enjoyable. But, alas, it's merely a facade. There are too many adversities that can conclude from stepping beyond the perimeter. Call it a comfort zone. Call it a safety zone. Call it what you will. For me, it's an area where I haven't had to leave; the key word being "had." Again, of I ever find the need or even a whimsical desire to interlope in the areas of my mind that are present, but untouched- I will. The pine scented trees and earthy scented arboraceous area just beyond the grassy and slightly unkempt grass with weeds fluent in adaptation adorned with dew and insects who have no care for the difference between a weed or a grass blade. And then, in front of the facade- the streets with denizen and tourists alike wondering about enchanted by idle banter with whatever partner was willing enough to accompany them. A place where every word exchanged is meant to be more paramount than the aforementioned. The cars which carry ghastly intent driven by more-than-willing participants. Yet, with so much chaos or unknowing abound, the street rules are still followed for the most part and those who are afoot still continue to wind and follow the curvature of the sidewalks in orderly fashions.

    If I ever venture to any of those areas, it'll be when I need to. At the moment. I don't need to.
     
  17. sensless

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,324
    Likes Received:
    2,130
    Gender:
    Female
    Stay where you are, if you're happy there. Some people may find you odd, but we should live for ourselves first. Everything else is secondary.

    The break up was very rough, it seems, by the account of it you've given. Did you find a place to live where you're comfortable enough to continue doing the things you need/want to do?

    I know it's cliché, but time will help with the awkward feelings and thoughts you may be experiencing now. In the meantime, don't let this huge blow take you off course from the things that really matter to you.

    It does sound like she's done a lot of thinking and decision making without talking to you. You've had no warnings given in a way you could see it coming, if I understood it correctly. That hurts.

    Take care. Don't let only negative thoughts take over your mind. And it is a very good thing to vent, like you've done here.
     
  18. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    Sensless it isn't my style to let things bother me for too long. It's one of the reasons why I can have a very heated argument with someone one day, curse their mothers grave, and expect that person to want to talk to me the next day.

    -Danke