foreplay/problems or just bad luck?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by skyline, Nov 27, 2010.

  1. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    Hello! I would like to ask you not to be very judgemental about my post.
    So, in the last months i have tried to have 2 affairs with 2 different guys, but .....they didn't get it up.

    With the first guy i went out about 5 times. We were in his place and he might have been stressed that his parents might arrive. I talked to him and he said that he felt attracted to me, but the location and the pressure might have been the problem.

    I dated the second guy 3 times. We weren't in bed at that moment, but i don;t think it counts. He didn't really want to talk about it.
    So, I am not in a relationship with any of these guys, so probably it is easier for them to forget this and try with someone else.

    I don't think i am unattractive or that is something wrong with my appearence. But can my foreplay techniques be ....bad....or the stress of being for the first time with someone u haven't been before be too much?

    I have never been involved in short time relationships, but i do not want a serious relationship right now.
    So, what i would like to know is what do you think was the cause of "failure" in my case
     
  2. Barbwire

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    I don't understand why you are doubting your foreplay skills when the first guy told you flat out he was nervous about his parents coming home and the second guy told you he didn't want to talk about it.

    Before I started to worry about my own skills, I'd try to get intimate with a guy under relatively stress-free sitations, first.
     
  3. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    I guess i thought maybe those were just excuses.
    I don't think we will repeat the experience. Although they said we will, they didn't contact me.
    They migght be embarassed and they might think i wouldn't go out with them again. Or maybe they are afraid the same thing is going to happend.
    I am pretty disappointed this happend to me 2 times in one months. That is why i doubt myself and think that maybe i didn;t know how to arouse them
     
  4. Barbwire

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    I see.

    Besides these two men, how was sex with your other partners?
     
  5. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    This is a good question.
    Actually i am a virgin and i have been waiting for a lot of time to find someone whom i can trust, love, etc. But from being very demanding from men, i ended up with no relationship and huge libido. So that is when i decided to have an affair.
    But i can say that there were guys that got it up during our foreplay.

    p.s: i know it's kinda sad and complicated
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Sadandcomplicated is our middle name here on SF, so, don't fret. :)

    I'd like to see some guys chime in here but, maybe the fact that you are a virgin has some bearing as to why guys can't get a boner for ya. Contrary to popular pornographic belief, not all men are just itching to deflower a girl. Taking a girl's virginity, from what I've heard, can be tough for a guy because they want it to be perfect or are afraid of hurting you. Performance anxiety can also come into play.



     
  7. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    You are right! But as i said, it is complicated.
    Because of my age (22) i was ashamed that i didn't have sex before, so i didn't tell them. Some time ago i was penetrated (with hand), and i bleeded a bit, so i thought next time i was going to have sex, i won't, although is not necessarily true.
    So, they could have been afraid.
    ps sry if my English is not so good
     
  8. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    i won't bleed i meant to say in the previous post
     
  9. sexchatter

    sexchatter New Member

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    I agree with cowboy girl. Don't doubt yourself. 99% of the time, a guy can get it up for you, especially if it's the 1st time with him. I don't feel this was about you.
    The 2 guys obviously had things on their minds & when that happens, sometimes, there's nothing you can do. believe me, I've had it happen to me. it hurts, I know...
     
  10. HardRocker

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    I agree also. A guy(especially a young one) who is calm and carefree usually gets uncontrollable boners with little or no stimulation. To help with their relaxation, I think you might get the best results by making friends with a guy and try going out and having fun a couple of times before introducing the possibility of sex into the equation.

    You said you were demanding; I don't know what that involves, but try not to induce performance anxiety by laying out too many expectations, just go with the flow.
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Exactly what are you doing as foreplay?
     
  12. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    @ sexchatter 10x for encouraging, but 99% of the times isn't it a bit too much, too exaggerated
    @hardrocker, when i said i was demanding it wasn't about sex, it was about how a guy must be in order to have a serious relationship
    @cowboy lover, well i thought maybe the foreplay was a problem beacause we only got to kiss on mouth and ....i guess this is all i did. I don't do bj, but they performed some oral sex, and after 20 or 30 minutes we stopped because it was not "working"
     
  13. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    foreplay could be the prob

    touch him, stroke him.. some guys won't stay hard/get hard while giving you oral ;)
     
  14. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Yes. 20-30 minutes of oral with a girl that hasn't so much as touched you in a sexual fashion is enough to put just about any guy off. There are definitely a few issues here.
    To answer your first question; Yes, I think that there is definitely a problem with your foreplay. It's too structured and rigid, which isn't what sex is all about. It's about making your partner feel good and sexy and wanted while getting the same things back from them. You use your hands, your mouth, your words, your body; everything you have and I promise you both of you will be stampedeing toward sex with hungry eyes.

    If you begin a sexual encounter with telling your partner what is off limits, and expecting that them giving you oral sex for the length of a standard network sitcom; it is almost certainly going to kill both the mood and his libido. I am a very firm advocate that you should never expect another person to do something for you that you aren't willing and able to do for them in return. It's just not how good relationships or relations are built.

    Advice:
    1. You're really hurting yourself by throwing out the "I'm NOT putting my mouth anywhere near that" card right away. Even if you have a relatively understandable reason for it, the presentation and timing of a statement like that will do wonders to kill a boner.

    2. If you're worried about bleeding or pain the first time you have sex, I suggest that you either go to an Adult Store, or visit one online, and buy yourself a nice pleasurable dildo or vibrator. You can use this with or without a partner, and if you practice penetration with it beforehand, it will help your first sexual experience to not be so uncomfortable.

    ~Steve
     
  15. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    @ johnderegirl, i guess i decided to let him lead, did not take too much initiative. So, after we kiseed a little, he gave me an oral sex, and from that position it was quite impossible to do anything else(like stroking him or something). Then we got back to the kissing, then to the oral sex again...and that was it. My question is....what can u do when he is .....down there??....or maybe i shouldn't have let him do it to me so long?
     
  16. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    @ Steve Waste 10x for u're reply. Actually, i didn't tell him i won't do him a bj. You are right when saying that strong relationships are based on giving in return what you receive, but this was not the case of a relationshipl. Probably i would do this to a guy i care about and cares about me. Maybe it sounds selfish, but these are my boundries, and a guy must have patience, and not make you do from first time what you are not sure u want to do.
    As i said in the previous post, i let him take the lead, and after a few kisses he gave me an oral and from that position, i couldn't reach to him quite well. Maybe i should have stopped him earlier, i don't know.
    About the sex toys, i guess they might be of some help. The problem is with my roomate and not enough intimate space, but i will try to figure this out
     
  17. r1rider6686

    r1rider6686 New Member

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    This is a good question. I think maybe its the whole situation like has been said previously. Also could be that if the guy knows that you wont take it much further than kissing on your part, he may not want to get too excited. I know for me at least when i'm up, i eventually want my partner to get me off. If not, im not gonna end up getting or staying hard. Alot of the problem may be the mindset of the guys.
     
  18. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    Hmmm... I don't really understand the mindset that a person is in when letting a man put his penis inside you and fuck you all over the place is not only acceptable, but desirable; but they're still refusing to suck on his dick because THAT'S too intimate. It is very confusing, and (just my oppinion) is a much clearer example of how backward your thinking is on this issue. And you've never had sex before, so intercourse would be him taking your virginity; and you still feel that way. Double confusing.
     
  19. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    if you want oral.. make him lay back & sit on his face.. give him a handjob while he's eating you out.. I've been told a great handjob is *almost* as great as a blowjob ;) if I'm not in the mood to blow him, getting some lube (or usually a sufficient amount of spit on my hand and stroking him does the trick)

    lightly run your fingers up and down his inner thighs and over his ball and up and down his shaft.. swirl your finger around the head (careful not to scratch him ;) ) just give him some attention too!
     
  20. skyline

    skyline New Member

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    @ rider...actually we did not discuss an eventual bj, i didn't tell him i am not very into it
    @SWGirl, considering i have never had sex, for me a bj is like rushing things, i feel i am not prepared, maybe too intimate was not a suitable expression, i would like for us to experiment smth else before that, i don't know why i feel that. It might be because of the fact i did not tell him it would be my first (so maybe i thought by doing a bj coud prove how unexperienced i am)...but it is not only about conciling my virginity, i feel i woulde need more time for that?...is this too awkward?
    @johndeeregirl 10x for the tips...i feel a little bit more enlighted