Flirting and expectations

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by MariaMaria, Apr 16, 2018.

  1. MariaMaria

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    There's a guy at work with whom I exchange flirty looks and smiles every chance I get. He's one of those unassuming guys, with a presence and attitude that makes swoon at the mere sight of him walking by. Lately, we are both also doing things to run into each other, even if we don't really get to exchange more than a few words or looks. One day last week, I found myself wishing that he'd just make a move so we can get things started. And then I realized that I could be the one making a move because we're both adults and we seem to be interested in each other. I've always been that way, I expect the guy to approach, and I've never really questioned it. I want to change this. Take a little more control of the situation, and I'm thinking of ways to get closer that aren't obvious because I'm not that upfront.
    I'm interested in knowing how you ladies and gentlemen handle situations like this, and if you wish anything was different from a gender roles perspective. Also, if you have any ideas for me, feel free to share! :)

    PS: I know there's a big debate about dating people from work, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
     
  2. NaughtyMickey

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    I think that it is not unusual for females to move on a guy now. It can be done on many ways and if there has been heavy flirting going on between the two of you, it would be perfectly natural for you to joke about getting a drink together or something similar. Or simply tell him that you enjoy his humour and company.

    One thing for sure.......... Don't waste the opportunity or you may regret it big time!
     
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  3. Mikey22

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    Just take a chance and go for it. After all my lady asked me out, for our first date. Good luck to you. :)
     
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  4. Cappy_Dick

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    If you are ok with the pro's and con's of seeing someone from work, then by all means, don't waste time and invite him out for a coffee or a drink and see where it goes. Don't waste time being Victorian. I finally got with my soul mate in February. We've known each other for 19 years. I know know that we both had feelings since then, so I found out, but I wasn't available the two times she was single. About 3 years ago, she confided in me that she wasn't happy and if things didn't change, she'd like to give me a chance. I told her, all she had to do was throw him out and I'd be there for her in a heartbeat. I didn't know the full scope of how bad she really had it with him, so I waited to see if it was going to end, being an old fashion guy, I didn't interfere.. 2 1/2 years went by and nothing. I had pretty much resolved that it wasn't going to ever happen for us. Then, out of the blue, she messages me on Facebook. She tells me she finally threw him out and starts to tell me some of the story. I was thinking I should say something, but before I could, she asked me what I was doing later. Of course, I made plans with her and we have been together ever since. The thing is, she told me that had I shown more interest, she'd had probably left him a lot sooner. To make it short, he was abusive, manipulative, selfish, lazy and a very poor lover. She said she should have done it a long time ago, but we are happy now, and that's all that matters.

    xx
     
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  5. Kurio

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    I’m the absolute last person to give advice and I have no wisdom to share. All I can say is that the guy is very lucky to have captured your attention and I wish you the very best. Make the most of the chances you have. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
     
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  6. Sagittarius84

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    Personally I find a romantically and sexually aggressive woman to be refreshingly honest. I don't think this website has the bandwidth for me to list all the possible reasons a woman will accept an advance at any given time, but I do know many of them aren't wholly because they like or are attracted to the guy. A woman who does the approach answers those questions without the context of traditional male gender roles(protection, stability, etc) as an underlying motive. At worst it implies she wants to use me for her own selfish sexual fulfillment, which chances are, I'd chalk up as a win anyways.

    I think we all want to be valued and attractive as human beings, the traditional "male approach female" model i think makes many men feel more like human doings whether they realize it or not.
     
  7. BananaBill

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    Simple, throw stereotypes and expectations to the wind and go balls out and ask him out.

    You could:
    Leave work at the same time and talk with him on the way out
    Ask him to go to lunch one day
    Start small and just tell him that you want to talk outside of work hours, exchange numbers and text

    Subtlety has never been a strong point for me, so I've made peace with it and just to go after what I want. If you've already stepped into the flirting ring together, then you've got a green light to test that water.
     
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  8. Ryan4chat

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    The flirting is mutual, so I’d say because it’s a work environment , he’s waiting for the right time to actually ask you, or just talk alone. So either way, help make that time occur. He could just being to much of a gentleman to ask you at work , due to other people around.
    Some guys don’t want to misread a flirt , imho...
     
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  9. Mywife4u

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    Go for it and have fun!
     
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  10. MILF_Rider

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    @MariaMaria have you seem The Princess Bride? What I think you.might be after is a way to green light him. "Farm boy, fetch me that pan." As you point to a pan hanging just above the two if you obviously within your reach...

    Ask for something you could obviously get yourself like ask him if he could pour you a coffee or something. If he still needs a clue by four, then ask him why he didn't make that move sooner, hopefully he'll take it from there.
     
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  11. lbushwalker

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    @MariaMaria act out your fantasy, Woman in charge but do it in a lady’s way.
     
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  12. MariaMaria

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    Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts, advice and experiences. Still working on it (not really, just thinking LOL). This is hard!
     
  13. Flamebait

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    I've been in 2 workplace relationships. They can be tricky and very awkward if things don't go well in the relationship. My first one turned into an absolute train wreck. My second one is fabulous! She was the one wanting me. We eventually got married and 20 yrs later we still work together.
     
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  14. Tony Moss

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    This has worked best for me for 30+ years. I don't understand why but when I tried to get a woman to like me, it always back-fired but I'm a lot more successful when I just wait on women to come to me. Like the time I just started walking home from a Hardess' restaurant when this cute little redhead walked up to me & started talking about the Renaissance Fair because I had a Renaissance Fair t-shirt on. We just coincidentally ran into each other a couple more times & started walking around town together. 4 weeks after we met, she moved in with me & 22 months later, we were married. Or the time I walked out of a Subway restaurant & no sooner than I closed the car door, somebody pecked on the window & I look up to see a good-looking blond. I rolled down the window & she says she got disconnected from her friends & didn't know this town & was afraid & could I give her a ride to a motel on the other side of the river. We started hanging out together & one thing led to another. I have a dozen or so true-life stories like that like the brunette that moved in next door in Sheffield or the blond that moved 2 doors down on Tuscaloosa St.Somebody brought it to my attention the other day & I realized I've been a truly lucky man in my time. I don't know why.
     
  15. used2bgood

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    The one time that I ignored my fathers advice to "Not fish in the company pond" I was waiting to talk to her and ask for sex when we were outside of the work place to avoid human resources problems about worker fraternization policies. We never seemed to run into each other, except at work.
    She felt the same way, apparently, so she managed to corner me in a remote part of the warehouse and come right out and asked if I would fuck her. She had worked out how I could meet her on her 'grocery shopping night' in the parking lot and go to a place that she knew and have sex, thus avoiding questions by her family. I did her and mutualy enjoyed the experience. However, at work she was more attentive to me and was not leaving much question about us having more than a working relationship between us. Made for some very embaressing moments and an explanation to our superior about it. We both were pulled on the carpet in his office and had to lie (mutualy) about our relationship. (Mind this, we had only done it that once and had not talked about a repeat performance.) I was wishing that I hadn't taken her up on her offer! She was finally let go and I could breath a sigh of relief.

    NEVER done anything like that again at work.

    My advice, especially in today's sexual accusations world DO NOT FISH IN THE COMPANY POND!!!
     
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  16. Tony Moss

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    I know things have changed considerably in recent years but company fraternization is what brought me out of my shyness in my early 20's. The servers at Pizza Hut were terrific!
     
  17. MariaMaria

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    Thanks for sharing your experience. Not changing my mind, though :)
     
  18. lbushwalker

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    Good, you go Girl!
     
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  19. MariaMaria

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    More meaningful contact has been established o_O
    A situation arose at work and I had to go talk to him about it. I swear that if I could have planned it, it wouldn't have worked out so well! He asked me to send him an e-mail about it, which meant I had to give him my personal e-mail because I don't have one for the workplace. He never answered the e-mail and instead approached me this morning, and we had a nice conversation. I still feel like I might be light-years away from anything happening, but more things have happened in these past 2 days than in the past 6 months, so...:)
     
  20. Kurio

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    That’s awesome news. Happy for you.
     
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