First timer and having problems..

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Coastie, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. Coastie

    Coastie New Member

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    Hi all I am 20 years old and just recently got a great girlfriend. Well she is my first. I have problems though. My main problem is that I can't seem to stay hard when it comes down to it. Ill stay hard during fourplay until I take 20 seconds out of the fourplaying to put on a condom and I seem to go limp almost right away and I have to work my way back up to it. And my other problem is that the one time I did stay hard enough to put it in her I only lasted ummm about whole 2.3 seconds haha. I really hope its just anxiety, because I was nervous as hell. If anyone else has had this problem and know how to help me it would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. MrFusion

    MrFusion New Member

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    Don't focus on the event of penetration and put a lot of thought into it. Let it come naturally. (I know this can be difficult when using a condom, but read on..)

    Stick with a lot of foreplay, and have the condom out and ready. If you have a clean enough surface, you can even go so far as to have it out of the package maybe with a drop of lube in it.. The more foreplay you have, the better your chances of staying ready for action are. The first few times can be exciting, but life is long in this regard. Take some time to enjoy and explore each other's bodies.

    Another thing you can do is make the condom application part of foreplay. Get it out and ready, and have your lady put it on while stroking you or if she's really talented, have her use her mouth (Inspect for damage after this!!!)

    The main thing though is don't put a lot of thought on penetration and orgasm though. I like to make the analogy of a decent typist. If you tell somone who is a decent typist to actually think about their typing instead of just typing naturally, they are highly likely to start making a lot of mistakes vs. if they just do what comes natural to them.

    If you find that after the first few times or two you just aren't lasting as long as you'd like, there are a couple of things you can try. First you can try masturbating prior to sex. Fire off some knuckle children a few hours before your date. You can also try some of those condoms or lubricants that contain a slight numbing agent. (Durex "PerforMAX" condoms come to mind..) They have a little bit of benzocane in them that numbs your stuff so you don't get all the sensation at once.

    I hope this helps. Enjoy man, sex is awesome.
     
  3. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    Nerves that's it. Not sure what else you can do but practice. Make putting condom on part of the foreplay if that's the trigger where you lose it.
     
  4. LisaB

    LisaB New Member

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    Yeah it's just nerves hon, you'll get over it.
     
  5. Coastie

    Coastie New Member

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    well thanks for the advice.. I hope practice fixes it all. Im just glad my gf is 100 % behind me and being patient with me, since shes a very sexual girl.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    "knuckle children"? :lol Sorry, I have nothing useful to add to this thread, that just struck me as wicked funny.
     
  7. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Ya it is just nerves.. you are thinking too much about it.

    I had a very sexual girl as well my first time.. but she got upset and thought I wasn't in to her. So it caused a problem and made things worse for me.. but we talked it out and things became very good.

    Have her put the condom on you.. and ask her to keep you stimulated while she is doing it. I'm sure she can take it from there.

    Or...

    Learn how to put the condom on without looking...

    Keep kissing your g/f while you are putting it on.. do some really deep kissing and have her stroke your thighs with her fingernails.. or to even rub your balls while you guys are kissing... and slip the condom on.

    Sounds complicated, but I can slip a condom on while undressing, kissing my g/f, and touching her with my other hand. Just takes a little practice.. plus I have done it hundreds of times. Just repitition.

    You don't want to think about the act of putting the condom on.. because it will make you lose your hard on.

    Keep things sensual the whole time.. and you will be fine.
     
  8. cook74

    Gold Member

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    "Keep things sensual the whole time.. and you will be fine."

    That last sentence by Fliteskates pretty much wraps up what i was going to say, just keep your mind on the woman and how much pleasure you are about to give and receive :brow

    And if you do lose wood, it ain't the end of the world, just try to start things rolling again. It's not a big deal that you might have gone soft and it's easily rectified. :blowjob:jerkit:sex:tagteam
     
  9. usccocks1

    usccocks1 New Member

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    It is just nerves like everyone says. We all went through this stage..
     
  10. Coastie

    Coastie New Member

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    ok well my damn nerves hate me.. we try to go at it again tonight and well i keep my hard on for the most part while we foreplay or while she gives me oral but as soon as i put on the condom i lose my erection.. Weve tried it different ways. By me having it ready while shes giving me oral and also tried it where she works it out and puts it on herself. I continue to lose the erection while its going on or 2 seconds afterwards. I seriously dont know what my problem is but i pretty much feel awful right now.
     
  11. cook74

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    Don't feel bad, it just makes it worse. Realize that erectile dysfunction due to nerves is common and deal with it. Maybe get her to put the condom on with her mouth or make a game of it. Don't stop everything just because you go soft.

    Get back on that horse and ride the damned thing! You can both work through this as long as you realize there is nothing wrong with a couple of slow starts. :tup
     
  12. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Don't feel awful bro...

    When I went through it, I felt worthless.. less than a man.. like there was something wrong with me.. and my g/f didnt help much when she started calling me Mr. Floppy.

    After maybe.. a month I think (been awhile) I could stay hard for an hour or as long as I wanted (even with a condom).

    One thing I figured out was that the condoms I was using where too tight.. and they took away most of the sensation.

    You should make sure you have the right sized condom, and it is a thin one that allows you to feel everything.

    But right now if you are losing wood after a few seconds, I doubt it is the condom.

    All I can tell you is that it is a mental thing that only YOU can fix. It is a catch 22 because the more you think about it, the worse it gets.

    So that is why you need to keep things sensual... keep kissing her.. finger her.. do whatever you have to do to keep yourself excited and keep your mind off your wood.

    I became really good at oral sex because for the first month or so I couldnt use my dick to get my g/f off... and I could get her to cum orally and by stimulating her G spot.. I made her cum 3-4 times a night.

    This kept her happy.. and made me feel somewhat better about myself and my sexual abilities.

    So when you lose wood, (and I know this is hard) just laugh it off and throw her on the bed and start licking her pussy and playing with her G spot. Take the focus off your dick.

    Just hang in there and keep in mind that most of us dealt with this the first time.
     
  13. Coastie

    Coastie New Member

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    well i think i have a different problem... I cant stay hard when it comes down to it. Even tried it without the condom, so idk what to do now. ugh this sucks.
     
  14. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Same rules apply with or w/o the condom...

    Keep it sensual.. stop thinking about staying hard and start thinking about how good her touch feels.. her kisses.. her pussy.. etc.

    The problem won't go away until you take the focus off trying to stay hard.
     
  15. dan7564

    dan7564 New Member

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    I never really had nerves. But being a guy, you have to realise viagra is your freind. If this is jsut nerves then jsut get some viagra or substitute, for the first few times or so. Once you done it then you shouldn't be as nervous, in theory.

    The only other alternative advice that i can give that hasn't been mentioned is, getting a wad of cream or lube in your hand and jerking off with it to get more used to the feel of a vagina, I usually come faster when i do that, then you get used to it and last longer.It like a nice little step between dry masterbation and vaginal.
     
  16. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I think I'd you read about a hundred post here about how to satisfy her. Oral fingers, massage and such and do that. Quit trying to make it good for you. Make it good for her and worry about that and that only. I think the results will surprise you.:)
     
  17. espresso

    espresso New Member

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    ^^^ that was a good post!
     
  18. jon8282

    jon8282 New Member

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    blame the condom and it might be to tight i had that problem when i started useing them lol damned things lol
     
  19. Coastie

    Coastie New Member

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    well it was successful last night and completly amazing. thanks for the help everyone. Im sure ill be asking more questions in the future =).
     
  20. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    Thanks for telling us. So many never say what happened.:)