first time with the BF, how did you decide?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by the_traveler, Jan 4, 2011.

  1. the_traveler

    the_traveler New Member

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    well first of all, i'd like to aplologize for asking so many questions, while i myself know nothing and don't any expirience in sex/relationship/girls what not, seems like i don't really belong here.
    but it's something todo at night before i go to bed, (well i'm in bed to be more precise and anal about it) , and something to read in the morning.
    maybe it's my pathetcic execuse for a social life.

    anyway, my iniital assumption, that even today, espcially if the girl is hot, the initial foray into sexuall relationship during a relationship is initiated by the man, it's not like a girl seduces him or something that's porn stuff.
    so when he suggested, how did he , do it, and what made you decide to agree? and when? (3 dates? 4th) ?
     
  2. backcheck64

    Gold Member

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    I used the 3 date rule, if I didn't get it by the third date, there wasn't a fourth. Rarely did I have to wait past the second, my wife being the exception to the rule. For some reason I actually waited till the sixth. At the time I didn't know why, but was compelled to bend the rules for her, 28 yrs ago. Today I might alter the rules a bit, back then the most you could get could be cured with a shot or shampoo so it was generally a fuckfest. Now one wrong screw and your dick falls off.
     
  3. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    Steve and I didn't have sex for several days into our relationship. I don't remember exactly, but I'd say close to 2 weeks? 16 days? I don't know, but one night when he showed up to pick me up for a date, I opened the door in a little red dress with heels and stockings. He said, "Wow." I looked at him in his button-down and jacket and said, "Wow yourself." He stepped in and we started making out on the couch which lasted for probably half an hour before I started undressing him.

    We KIND OF had sex, but it was a bit akward and clumsy. I've never had someone as large as him, so it was a learning experience. But that's basically how it happened. We knew we really liked each other, then our feelings built up and exploded all over my dress.
     
  4. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    A lot depends on what you are looking for. Are you dating someone with sex as the primary goal? or are you dating someone because you are connecting on all sorts of levels?

    It was about 8 months from our first date until our first time in bed together, and and another couple of months before intercourse. Even though we were both virgins neither of us was looking to rush it, but for different reasons. For me I was enjoying being popular in college with women and dating several at the same time - it was quite a change from my shy high school days. And I had seem enough issues with some of my male friends attempts to "have their cake and eat it to" that I just did not want to deal with those headaches. For Bunnie she was interested in sex, but hated guys taking her on one or a few dates and expecting sex as their right. We were friends, started dating (she actually asked me out first because I did not think I was in her league) and really got to know each other. When we returned to college in the fall we started having stronger feelings for each other, and slowly let things progress. It progressed from touching and fondling to getting naked and exploring our bodies to shared masturbation and oral and then to sex. It did feel awkward as we progressed, but when he hit a new "level" things just seemed to click. I went at the pace she wanted, but she was very curious about things. If she wanted to slow things down that was fine, but she would always ask what I was thinking and was interested in, and most of the "new" things she would want to try the next time we were together.

    This is probably not a typical way these days. But at the time, we felt no rush - frankly we both knew we could find someone else to have sex with if that is all we wanted. But the connection between us was the real enjoyment, and the sex just slowly flowed from that instead of vice versa. So you when you see that "hot girl", think and decide what it is you really want, and try to understand what they are looking for as well.
     
  5. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    I've never had any sort of date rule or anything.
    I think when the chemistry is right,it just happens on it's own.

    I had sex with my husband the first night I met him...he was very forward and picked me up and put me on his lap,and things just went from there
     
  6. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    Wait let me guess you talked about whatever came up.
     
  7. the_traveler

    the_traveler New Member

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    to tell you the truth i have no idea what i want, when i see a hot girl in the street or at work, i get a first inclining of rush, me thinks it's chemical, or too-much-porn related, but when i think it true, i have no idea what to do with her, the only agreeablel activity i can think of related to girls i'm attracted is talking with them on messenger, actually thinking about dating, and even having sex, touching each other, rather seems intimidating, or exahsting. that's partially why i never dated anyone.
     
  8. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    :lol Exactly
     
  9. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    This is my advice and others are free to disagree. If you do not know what you want, start out by just wanting to be friends. If you see a girl you like, just try to say hello and have an initial pleasant conversation. If she is cold, be polite and move on You will have plenty of other opportunities. If she gives a friendly response, do not rush it, just talk and try to find out what she is interested in that you can share in. Do not worry or think about sex at this point. You have to take a first step, and this is it.

    In high school I would look at girls and be so far ahead in my thoughts of wanting to date and go further with them that I was too afraid to make that first step. In college I went to being myself and just being friendly, and it was amazing how things changed to where I was being pursued more than being the pursuer.
     
  10. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    on the 97th date. yes, i counted.
    Because i didn't want to die a virgin...because we weren't what we used to and i wanted to bring it back...because i was getting frustratingly, un-satiably horny...
    and etc.

    Don't try to manipulate girls to give it. Be with one who does, or actually fall in love. It tends to happen naturally at some point, and if you love her you genuinely wont care you're not getting any. Trust me.
     
  11. CruelTease

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    I waited a month before sleeping with my hubby.
     
  12. the_traveler

    the_traveler New Member

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    oh i was thinking of manipulation or having sex in a date, that would stress me out, for me, talking and making her laugh is supreme, i would never think of ways to get her into bed, because a) that would confuse me b> she would see right through me, c) all i wanna do is survive the date.
    but it's more then that initiating a conversation with someone with no clear agenda is beyond strange to me, its alien, this is why i don't attend any social gathering, there's no point, no structure, no end.
    what's worse my adhd symptoms may begin to pop out, if i start talking, becouse i tend to ramble on and on , talking and talking jumping from topic , so focused on what i'm trying to say that i loose sight of the other person, and this i know before i had 1 date.
    and if i do start talking to a girl, knowing how i look i cannot bare to think how she would disregard me, and i despise the thought of others thinking ill of me, (unless it's justified).
    i'm not even sure i can have sex, my consant attraction to porn, and after,maybe due to stress and compulsion.
     
  13. HardRocker

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    Traveler, you sound like a 17 year old trapped in a man's body. I hope one of these days you might find yourself answering a question, or for some other reason, spontaneously talking to a woman. And it'll happen before you get the time to over-think it and melt down.

    If you get that far, you could tell her you have to run but maybe she'd like to go to a concert or a movie. Those are two places you can't do much talking. Then there would be some automatic common ground on which to build a conversation afterward. And there is nothing wrong with telling her you're inept socially with women; just don't go into ANY of the details. She may find it endearing. But no further explanation is necessary, that might scare her off. Until then, you're your own worst enemy.

    Don't you have any hobby, something you like to do or play at or at least think about (besides you-know-what)? People who are interested in things are interesting people. Now post a picture of yourself so we can see just how butt-ugly you are. :p Preferably with clothes on (my personal preference :eyes).
     
  14. Alwayslearningsex

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    I have this evil idea of suggesting you to "hire" the services of a generous provider to take away the intimidation factor and you to discover the joys of touching, getting touched, etc, but in the end it's not really fulfilling.
    I did it in my early 20's due to my accute shness at the time and I thought I'd never meet anyone. Was I wrong fortunately. But this honestly helped to calm me down when finally came time to have serious and meaningful sex.
     
  15. Alwayslearningsex

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    I hear too many cases of texting, video games, etc, people removed from real life and awkward being in company. Mostly younger people sadly.
    Turn your electronics off and venture out there. Leave porn alone and get your mind in the real things, porn is a big show focused or orgasms and performance, not being real and enjoying the person you are with.
    Mind you occasionally watching porn with a partner who gets hotter from watching is fun but not a good habit.
     
  16. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    we almost did it on the first date,she seduced me.we were making out and she was rubbing me through my pants making me hard. she pulled my pants down and went down on me..........she went up,down,up,down,up,down and then stopped.....felt so good.....we didnt have sex until the next day.
     
  17. the_traveler

    the_traveler New Member

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    this pic was taken about a year ago before i gave up and went up 30 pounds. the only "real" fantasy i'm left with is that i'll go back to that size and then maybe get a pro, or 2, or maybe it's just execuse not to do it.
    but i can't avoid the feeling that i'm "chearing" that i'm soppoused to have a beautifull girl. that's it's wrong for me to even choose. becouse it's not just social inetpdidude, i'm 34 year old male , who still live with my father, can't drive, doesn't have any acedimal education, and have a cat taking prozac for OCD (yes, the cat also has OCD, this is him in better times, i'm so pathetic i tried to use him going to the vet to atract girls, no wonder he's messed up). and plan to have no kids or wife.
    as for living with my dad, it's also becouse on crutches, and sometime requires me, and also well.. i really don't see the point in having my own place, seems like such a waste of money, espcailly if managed to squeeze everything i need into one room.
    same with driving, i'm afriad i might kill somone on one hand, and on the other, bikes or electice bikes allow me to almost everywhere i want without traffic.
    although have hobbies, i don't implement them, i wanted to learn how to draw in 3D cgi, i wanted to re-learn how to play a keyboard (when i'm stims i usually hear music), i like sci-fi like every nerd.
    and it's not pro porn, it's home made one, between real folks who dont' get paid (i hoep) i find solece in that fact
    but looks, indipendene, motorzied transportation,education, life exprieince, backbone,mental health, while other men lack some of them, i have none, and women care about such things (as they should).
     

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