First time I ever came close to a nervoius break down.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by hubbywubby, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Just to many things going wrong in my life. I have a lot to be thankful for but my house has been crazy. I have two disable children and I know I could be worse off but sometimes I just feel all alone. My kids are great but have some sever issues . They both have autism and one is worse off then the other. that compounded that finding out of few of his issue are permient and he will really never get better. Thins is my youngest son. Im not going to go into details but its pretty bad. I asked his doctor how long he will have this problem for and he looked at me like I was an idiot and said this was permanent. For ever and He will have to be cared for fro the rest of his life. So he cant talk or communicate at all and I cant even tell him. I keep thinking about how innocent he is and he wont even know whats going wrong if somethings going wrong. Or if hes sick which he is and he cant tell me what hurts him. I think about it and it brings tears to my eyes. I have this vision that if something happens to me or my wife he wont even know what happened and he will go through life just wondering where we are. Its just been an bad week and that's one reason I come here. To release a bit and act a little normal. also these issue effect my wife and myself. I love my wife to death but I feel like all these problems could be putting stress on our relationship. I know that when something goes wrong with either of the. we both get upset. Not becuase they are doing something we know they cant control it. when ou see your kids teeth bleeding because he had a harsh temper outburst and he was able to hit his head against the wall three times before i could reach him it just kills me inside. The worst is when he cry and its one of those crys that are saying please help me. We do get help but it really does nothing. they both go to two different doctor's and all they want to do is prescribe drugs. We do have to give them drugs becuase believe it or not if they really hurt themselves the state may rule we cant handle them and they would take them from us. I have a daughter who is fine but she also suffers. She cant have fun inside the house and she always wants to get out. The other day I just felt like putting an gun to my head. Way too much for someone to handle. To be honest I cold not do this to them becuase the would be send to a place where they would be lost and they would also die inside. Just venting and im really trying to pull it all together. Not looking for sympathy I just need to vent and get my anger out. Im not made at anyone right now just myself for being week. Sorry for rambling and Thanks for listening.
     
  2. RideNaked2

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    Oh hubby..I'm so very sorry. I feel your pain when I read your words. I wish that there was some magical words that I could say to help bring comfort to you. Everything that you speak of sounds like sooo much stress. Too much for parents to handle. I don't think that you are weak at all. You and your wife are very strong to deal with all that you are dealing with.

    You are in my thoughts. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one for you.

    <3 hugs <3
     
  3. Alwayslearningsex

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    My son is a teenager, we suspected something, he was officiaslly diagnosed at 2. Well it's true it doesn't go away as far as we know in general. young thing were bad, no eye cocntact, dislike being touched, banging head in walls (many holes to repair), repetitive play, not social, delayed speech, etc .... the usual autism symptoms.
    Many research say it's triggered by a vaccine.

    Fast forward a bit, the best is to research places where you can have a sort of intervention, it made such a great difference for my son, forever grateful. The younger the better, have a teacher aide, someone with experience / knowledge to help. Many times an autistic child would appear to be tuning you out yet "secretly" paying attention.
    It takes a lot of hard work, NEVER GIVE UP, as they're your children, be patient and never pushy or you lose the hard work.
     
  4. almostthere

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    My heart bleeds for you. Hang in there and be strong. I'm amazed at how autism continues to effect our children. The kurt shilling PSA shocks me with the stats on this issue. I wish I could make it go away for you and all parents who have to deal with this.
     
  5. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Thanks all for the support. Its a big difference one day can make. I think the straw that broke the camel's back is when my sons doctor told me his condition would never get better. As I think of this which i will explain and it will make more sense. He has gastric deterioration. He also has intestinal muscle degeneration. The problem is because of this he cant go to the bathroom like a healthy person would This applies to just number two I will call it. He is getting old and is almost in his teens. Everyday Since he was born I have been changing his diapers. We put a plan in for our state to supply assistance with professionals to help train him to use a toilet. When I told his doctor he said dont get your hopes up. This will more than likely never work. I said what does that mean. He basically looked at me and said this is a life long thing. He wont get better and might even get worse. He will need his diapers changed through out the day and over night. Which we do now. The problem is he can only go when his muscle's are completely relaxed which only happen while he's sleeping. So I asked him if we try to train him will it help. He said he gives it a 10 percent chance it may work. Well yesterday after e=walking into my house and getting this news My daughter was crying becuase of the loud noises my son was making . My other son was sitting in a chair just rocking back in fourth saying " deep breaths". My wife was so stressed and I just found out there is not real relief in site. anyway this morning I woke up and I thought 10 % if I was playing lotto a would play every day. 10% is something to push for. If anything it means there is hope. Hope it the only thing I have. I also have a very unusual family but Once you except that and I have its not as bad as it seems. They all do many cute things and since they need so much of my attention I have become very close to the, I protect them like a lion and always will. I watch them every sec i can. Even just when i walk in a store with them. I do have eyes on the back of my head. Anyway thanks to all for the kind words. I really do appreciate it and as a matter of fact its helped making me realize im not alone. If anyone has autistic children or adults please feel free to engage with me. I hope maybe we can help each other and more important our kids. My love goes out to all those who respoded and all thise who took the time to read mys story. Thanks again.
     
  6. backcheck64

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    Don't know what to say, sorry. Having kids is always a challenge, you've got one hell of one. Your story makes me even more thankful for my two. I complain a bit about all of the running with compeditive hockey, lacrosse and golf, the cost of equipment and hotels..and cellphones....but they are both straight A students in the gifted programs. Both very atheltic and bright. I'm very lucky. I wish you the best with your's.
     
  7. Trond

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    Well, I almost feel self-centered and petty with all my own small problems when I read this. I think it sounds like you're doing a great job Hubbywubby, and it's good that you manage to savor some great moments in between all the stress. Do you have some sort of support group for people with autistic children in your area?

    I am sure your daughter must be feeling the pressure too. Maybe you can somehow spend some time with her while others take care of the boys from time to time?

    Sorry, I really have no idea what I'm talking about here, but you and your family have my best wishes :)
     
  8. Dragon_Fire

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    Yes, here we're fortunate to have government funded backup for families with such challenges. The disabled kids get to go on camps or, at worst, spend a weekend here and there at a kind of shelter. My ex's son was left with severe intellectual impairment, so I got to visit one of these places and it appeared quite cosy.

    My ex himself had a stroke while I was pregnant and I was able to access similar support for him, including someone to come and sit with him while I went shopping or out for day trips with others in my situation.
     
  9. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    I really appreciate all the kind thoughts. I my self before I had my kids never realized how good things are and I aways felt like I had a hard life. However the kind words do give me the strength and it helps. You do know becuase your acknowledgment means you know there are different people out their that are not so lucky as your self. However It does not minimize any other issues you have. I just needed a little reassuring from out side more normal support. So I appreciate all the kind thoughts and even helpful suggestion. I know I could have it a lot worse. I just had a snowball effect and when that happens I sometime feel like im not going to get through it. I keep saying to my self just get through the day and it should be better tomorrow. With the help and kind words I really want everyone to know it has helped. I do have to watch my daughter and my other son who is not as bad off as my little guy . We all go for helps and we go as a family and separately. However its a slow road to travel on and my wife does not go. Its to over whelming for her so I kind of hold the fort together. im okay with that and I understand we sere dealt a different hand than most. One of my biggest issues is the future. On thing or possible illness with me and I dont know if my wife can handle things. The stress this outs on me brings tears to my eyes. My son who not as bad always asks me what or if everything is going to be okay and I reassure him and I dont let him see my worries. However I know the truth, As they both get older things will get harder. I will need more help from the state. If I know my oldest son would be able to drive and maybe be able to work I could help him. I am lucky and have some money and I could buy him a simple route job. I almost purchased a Tropicana route not for me for him but hes still young. I had an in and considered quiting my job so I could pass this on to him. This is something i do not want to do but the money would be good and once he got older if he can drive and handle it it could help him. However Its a big move and I would have to leave a job I have had for almost 20 years and it has benefits and pays well. My other soon will be forever disabled. My daughter will go to collage she is good in school but she hates it here. I try to always spend as much time and she always tells me she is so scared becuase she can see its taking a toll on me. She is great but its too much for her. Like i said it could be worse my little guy is the real battle. I am glued to him and right now im in his bed and hes snoring in my ear. I love him so much and since he relies on me for everything I feel like hes part of me. He is really good when hes not having his issues. If we go out he stands right by my side, He gets so scared of the littlest thing he starts shaking. It just hurts a lot and there is not much guidance. I talk to a lot of people that go through the same thing but they really have no way of helping becuase autistic kids are so different. There are really no to alike. there is a lot involved and their personality and severity plays a big role. Anyway I have made a promise to my self that I will never judge anyone ever again. Everyone has their own set of problems and a lot area lot worse then mine. I feel so m=bad when I complain than I see a boy or girl or even an adult that may be dealing from something. Most seem to have a great attitude. My sister in law which is another story past away recently. My brothers wife she was only 48. Breast cancer. My brother is now a widower and has a 14 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. I talk tot hem everyday and they are lost. I try to cheer them up and i cant believe I even complain. anyway thanks for all the support. this site lets me vent and think about the fun things in life. I sometimes just need to go tie my wife up and forget about everything. I really think sex is great therapy. They never tell you that.. I wish my shrink would say dude what I want you to do every night this week is to just get laid. You will feel better in no time.... Funny maybe I will do that.
     
    #9 hubbywubby, Mar 26, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2012