Finding Your "Trust Spot"

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by 10_3XL, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. 10_3XL

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    RubyAsh made mention of an idea on another thread that I really liked and decided to put into action. It was the suggestion of the Trust Spot. Here's the quote of her message:
    When I put forth the idea, Div (my girlfriend) was all for it. Thus far it has worked very well for us. Granted, it has only been a few days, but even still...

    Admittedly, it was very uncomfortable at first - being so "no bull shit; 100% honest" with someone (I've been that way with maybe one other person before) - but now that we've done it a few times it is starting to feel natural and to flow more fluidly; less awkward pauses and hesitation and "don't be mad, but..." type statements.

    I'd entertained the notion that she and I were completely honest before, however we tore down some (metaphorical) walls and found we'd been keeping back a fair share. No outright lies, but many of the "lies by omission" that people tend to not think about. In any case, after a bit of discomfort and upset (which we talked through and resolved!) this idea and practice of a Trust Spot is great (in my personal view).

    Interested to hear others' thoughts on this. Would it work for anyone and everyone? Is it ultimately a Bad Idea to be so open with your partner? Any and all thoughts appreciated! :D
     
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  2. RubyAsh

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    I congratulate you and your gf for giving it a try. So glad to hear that its working well for you so far. :)
    Unconsciously, my husband and I had been practicing something similar that worked very very well for us for over 20 years. Then other issues (on which I won't dwell here) took place and things started to crumble a bit between us. I guess this is normal for such a long relationship. However, I still consider him as my very best friend and I practice almost total honesty with him and I know he does the same with me.
     
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  3. Doitagain

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    I would live to have this. Yeah sometimes you would prefer not to hear some things but I would rather have it out there and be able to say anything. I had one relationship like that and yes it was my swinging relationship and it was great and the truth s were not just about sex. The relationship ended because we were headed in different directions in life , not bad but just is. Still friends
     
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  4. backcheck64

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    My wife and I have been honest with eachother from day one. I've never put on airs, take me as I am. Even farting, belching, etc. How can you have any kind of long term relationship unless you're totally honest about everything. My wife and I grew up in very different environments, I had experienced a lot more and she had no problem being introduced to most of them. I experienced some of her "home life" and wasn't impressed, of course she wasn't either. If I don't like something, I tell her, I don't put up with it or say "yah, tastes great" as I spit it out into a napkin. Why would you be any less than 100% honest about anything. My wife has gotten her hair cut a couple of times over the years that I really hated and I told her. She didn't like my mustache so I shaved it. Even today, if she is getting a little prickly around the puss, I'll tell her it's time to mow the lawn. You shouldn't have to tip toe in any relationship.
     
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  5. luvbug

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    Agreed!!
     
  6. Cappy_Dick

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    I'm glad that the chair thing has helped. I hope it helps you to achieve that kind of trust without them. I have to agree with BC (OMG 2x this week already...lol). That's the way things should be, but there's nothing wrong with using a "tool" to get there. Sometimes it can take a little extra push to get there. Sometimes conditioning from lives before the relationship needs to be reworked.

    xx
     
  7. 10_3XL

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    You are both (of course!) right on this and I agree. Total honesty should be there from day one - 100%. For Div and I it was almost 100% from Day 1 - however, it only pertained to the Here & Now and there were plenty of (as I mentioned before somewhere) "lies by omission" which are just as bad.
    Since doing the Trust Spot exercise we have been doing not just the day-to-day Here & Now discussions, but also delving into the past and discussing the future. It's opened up many venues of discussion.
    And we don't do the chairs - our spot is the love seat in the living room (how fitting, right?).
     
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  8. JonJo

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    I think with some people the idea of the chairs being small is a good one :rolleyes:;):)
     
  9. 10_3XL

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    Well, it'd encourage me to lose weight - that's for damn sure. :p:D
     
  10. backcheck64

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    You're health should be enough dude.... but if the chair helps....
     
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  11. Sagittarius84

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    I think being totally open with a partner is good in theory, but I don't think it's a necessity for a good relationship. I think the emotional response to true honesty is what prevents it from being a panacea.
    I envy those that can afford that privilege but like all things in relationships, luck is what allows for total compatibility. Some of us are destined to simply grow from working through our differences.