Female Orgasm Question (Help!)

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by razzzman1, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. razzzman1

    razzzman1 New Member

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    First off, this is my second post within this forum community and I must say that I'm impressed with the quality of responses. Thank you

    My girlfriend very rarely cums when we have intercourse, perhaps twice (>5%) during the past month. She does however reach her peak, 90% of the time, when I perform oral on her. I've been beating myself up over the fact that I can't make her cum during intercourse. She tells me that she feels right there but can't get beyond that point. I can usually go for 30-45 minutes without cumming, so I'm not so sure time is a factor. We try many different positions and we incorporate a lot of foreplay. She told me that when she masturbates (clit only) it can take her up to one hour to achieve her peak.

    When it comes down to it, is this MY 'problem'? I've been with many more people then she has been with and in all of my relationships I've never been with someone who didn't achieve orgasm at least 50% of the time through intercourse. She tells me that she always receives pleasure from me, so am I too conditioned to my past experiences and pop culture in which I expect the woman to achieve orgasm almost every time? Are there any techniques we can try? Will pressing this issue with her only make it worse?
     
  2. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    IMHO I don't think you have a "problem", unless you make it one. If she gets off orally and not thru penetration then so be it. My wife is exactly that way. The only position she could reach her peak during penetration was with her on top, and since she blew her knee out she can't ride on top any more. It used to bother me that I couldn't make her cum while banging but once we figured out the oral thing it's been great. I just do her before I penetrate and we are both happy as clams. If she is happy I wouldn't press the issue too much.
     
  3. sexyJ

    sexyJ New Member

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    Alot of women have a problem reaching orgasm just threw penitration. I very rairly cum during intercorse(unless Im on top) and in fact find it hard to reach that point as ur girlfriend says. I always cum other ways though, weather it be him giving me oral or playing with my clit. As bucky said though it will only become a problem if u let it. as long as she is satisfied I think your alright!
     
  4. razzzman1

    razzzman1 New Member

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    Thanks guys! I've must have f***ed a lot of fakers... :(
     
  5. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    30 to 45 minutes of banging will cause a lot of women to fake it just so it will end.:rofl
     
  6. igor

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    Supposedly only about 20% of women can orgasm via PIV sex alone. NO - IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
    If it takes her an hour of clit stim to get there herself, don't expect to get her there any quicker. Lotsa foreplay - lotsa clit attention, maybe a vibrator would help......
     
  7. razzzman1

    razzzman1 New Member

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    Hehe.. True!
     
  8. sexyJ

    sexyJ New Member

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    AMEN..after that long I'll say anything to get him to stop!:lol
     
  9. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude, it doesn't sound like it's your problem (not meaning that in an insensitive way at all). Don't pressure her about it...in fact, tell her you're happy as long as she's happy. Making her uptight will only make it worse...help her relax and feel totally comfortable and it might actually help! Stress and sex do not go well together (if you're lover is the one creating the stress, I mean).

    Maybe get her a toy or two (try the Rabbit-style vibrators...my wife has 3 different models!) that will rock her world. Use them with her, and also tell her to go off and experiment totally by herself. If she learns more about her body and what feels good to her, then that ought to help her orgasm more easily and frequently, which is good for both of you!

    BD
     
  10. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Common issue...

    It seems interesting how we expect the man to be responsible for the whole experience once she has permitted penetration. It's his responsibility to maintain his erection, to thrust at the right rate, in the correct angle, hold off is climax until she is satisfied, and stay awake to hug and cuddle her for a long time after the climaxes. If she isn't responding as we expect, then he much not be touching the right places in the right way.

    My research just doesn't buy this. I hope this will help both of you and you can both work it out with joy and gladness.

    Men know, and so do most women, that a man reaches his climax largely by the caressing of his penile shaft by the perfect environment of her vagina as he moves it in and out in a rhythmic thrusting. He gets feedback through his penis to control his thrusting rate as his climax is build at a rate under his control for the most part, along with his mental processes as the same time.

    The problems come when we expect that the vagina responds to the same friction from his thrusting and the coronal ridge of his glans rubbing her vaginal walls. Scientific studies has shown that the vagina doesn't have the frictional type of nerves along her vagina, so she is not equipped to respond the the thrusting motion of his penis. If that's all we knew, there would be no hope for her to enjoy your penis in her vagina.

    The good news - she does have a good supply of nerves in her vagina, but instead of these being of the type to receive friction from a rubbing motion, her vaginal nerves respond to pressure! She will receive some pressure when the girth of your penile shaft pushes outward to expand her vaginal walls upon entry, and some as the thrusting causes the pressure on the walls to pulsate. However, the real and serious pressure on her vaginal walls and therefore her nerves, comes from her action of squeezing her vagina against your hard penis shaft. As the woman begins to utilize her body's own function to contribute to the orgasmic experience, she will find her body taking over her own squeezing and pulsating rhythm as she builds her own climax.

    One side effect of her squeezing his penis, is that he will find it much harder to hold back his own ejaculation as the extra stimulation on his penis will push him over the edge much sooner then he had imagined before.

    There has been much written about this in the past 60 years or so following named after Dr. Arnold Kegel's accidental discovery of this effect and a set of simple exercises if the women needs to find or strengthen these pubococcygeus (PC) muscles. Mayo Clinic.com and Wikipedia can provide a starting place for more information. You might enjoy Teri Hatcher describing this exercise to Jay Leno from this YouTube video.

    So both of you work together for the common orgasmic experience of both partners. It's not about blame or faults, it's about coming together for the common joy of sex.
     
    #10 jgood4u, Aug 21, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2008
  11. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    I can not come through intercourse alone, I need my clit stimulated. I brought a little clit toy that we use whilst we are having sex and I can orgasm every time we have sex now.
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Don't beat yourself up over it, hon. It's mostly likely her and not you. The simple fact is that most woman cannot orgasm from penetration alone. They need some kind of clitoral stimulation.

    Also, despite some (erroneous) beliefs to the contrary, most women do not want sex to be a marathon. Ten minutes is usually plenty. I can just imagine how sore and dry she gets after being jackhammered for forty minutes without coming.
     
  13. Berrylicious

    Berrylicious New Member

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    I'm 27 and i finally orgasmed for the first time during sex about a month ago! It was mind blowing but it also doesn't happen very often since. Some girls just can't through penetration and i was one of them! I think the reason i finally did was because i was stimulated on the outside also and stopped right before i did and it was as if he done it through sex so i'm not 100% sure if it is through just penetration.

    Its not a problem at all unless you make it one. As long as you're both happy then no need to push the situation. Just trying new things all the time might trigger one but if not, at least you had fun trying but don't put pressure on trying because it definatly won't happen then!
     
  14. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    Very common nothing to worry about. Be happy she cums that way sometimes and continue to do oral.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    I've had sex with over 100 different women, very few times has any partner come from intercourse. Statistically, I think it's 20% of women sometimes, my wife falling into the sometimes category.

    It's odd that I am so much older and started having sex without the aid of sex manuals or online information, but took it as read that my sexual script was oral sex on my partner until she came, and then we had intercourse. I still do the same sexual script all these decades later.

    I may be pedantic, but in regard to post number 3, I don't see it that women have a problem coming with intercourse, it's just they aren't designed to come that way. It's not a problem, it's the way that women's bodies are.