Feeling like a cum receptacle

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Feb 27, 2009.

  1. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I just need to vent a little, as I’m upset about what happened the other night.

    I was sitting on the couch with my husband after dinner and we were talking about our day. I told him that I was a bit sore here and there from my cyber activities of the previous day. He was interested in what I had to say and made a comment about me being a hazard to myself and those around me when I was in the mood to get my groove on. We both laughed. I told him about a movie I’d watched that afternoon that had a pretty hot sex scene, explaining it to him in great detail. Again, he seemed interested and as I snuggled against him, he snuggled right back.

    After a while, we got up to go to the bedroom and he went into the bathroom. As I rose from the couch, I felt a lot of wetness between my legs, so I put a finger down my pants and realized I was very slick and my clit was hard. I went into the bathroom where my husband was sitting on the toilet taking a leak and I took one of his hands and put it down my pants so he could feel my wetness. I smiled at him and said I guess I had turned myself on telling him about my cyber sessions and the movie. He smiled back at me.

    After I brushed my teeth, I got into bed with him. He was lying on his back and I leaned over to kiss him. He kissed me back but made no effort to do anything else. I stared up at the ceiling for a while, waiting for him to make a move. Nothing. The longer I lay there, the more agitated I got until I got out of bed and took out the suitcase that contains my toys. I grabbed my Wand, but a head on it and plugged it in. I inserted it into my wet box and turned it on. I said, "If I don't take care of this, I'll never get to sleep." He said nothing.

    After a couple of minutes, I was on the brink of coming. My husband finally rolled over and started to suck on my breast. I had a half-hearted orgasm. (It seems the ones that only take a few minutes are always weaker then the ones that take longer.) As I pulled the toy out of me, he tried climb on top of me, but I turned around so he could do it doggy style. He didn’t bother to use his hand to part my generous lips, just started to try to plow in which hurt me.

    I told him to back off so I could open myself to him, but he got mad and kept pushing in. I reached back to guide him in and found he was limp. Not just mildly limp, but completely deflated. I pulled away from him and flipped over. He tried to get himself hard and then took my hand to make me jerk him off.

    Finally, after some effort, I got him hard and he tried to penetrate again. He didn’t finger me to spread my juices around his head or the entrance of my pussy, so his dry cock hurt as he pushed in. I told him to back off and then spread things around so he’d slip in easier. (He actually complained that I was too dry.) He penetrated, stroked 4-5 times and came. He then pulled out and went to sleep. I got no kiss good night, no caress or words of love. I got nothing.

    The whole session was very confusing to me and left me feeling angry. I mean, if a woman takes your hand and puts it to her soaking pussy, don’t you take that as a hint she wants you to fuck her? Wouldn’t you just dive in the second she was in bed? It seems to me that he wasn’t interested in having sex, but yet, was damned if he’d let me get off and then just go to sleep. Oh, let me back up here and discuss the limpness of his cock. He does have pills for his ED but never took one, yet he blamed his condition on me being dry. All he had to do was take a little time to finger me and spread my wetness to my outer vulva and the head of his cock and he would have slid right in.

    I just feel used and taken for granted. I don’t feel sexy or loved or wanted. I just feel like a cum receptacle.

     
  2. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2006
    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Virginia
    Hon I am so sorry that happened to you,But if a woman had done what you done with your hubby's hand,I tell you she wouldn't had to do it twice,because I would have been all over her and done anything she would have wanted me to do to her.When a woman askes or gives me hints like that,it doesn't have to be twice,because I would have been giving her so much pleasure that she would have to be telling me to stop.

    I LOVE pleasuring my women more so than them pleasuring me,simply because I get my pleasure out of pleasuring and seeing how much they enjoy me pleasuring them.

    Sorry that's just how I am.
    Howie_t
     
  3. Northside

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    303
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    I'm sorry you feel like that. In my relationship I always try to take the time to get thing warmed up to where I'm really worked up and so is she. If you put one of my hands down your pants I think I'd take the hint. Take the time to tell him how you feel. I'll bet he'll feel bad for being so insensitive. My girlfriend once told me I should have known how she felt about something. I told her I'm not a mind reader, you gotta tell me sometimes. Maybe he was tired.
     
  4. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah, I suppose that's it. He's tired, too tired to tell me he loves me unless I say it first, too tired to kiss me good-bye before he goes to work, too tired to initate sex. He's so tired I guess he's happy I have cyber lovers to take some of the pressure off of him. I really ought to apologize to him for being so demanding and just let him sleep.
     
    #4 Barbwire, Feb 27, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2009
  5. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    I couldn't say it any better. I can be pretty damned tired but a willing, eager partner can sure wake me up.:dgrin
     
  6. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    Just for a different take on this, it appears that your hubby is tired an awful lot. Is there any possibility that he has a sleeping disorder or thyroid issue, etc, that's making him so tired? Is he depressed? It's probably something that should be looked into if it hasn't been already before being too angry with him.

    I could be way off base here, I just wanted to throw out a different perspective. :)
     
  7. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Heely, he is a tax accountant, so is very busy and stressed out at work and will continue to be til after April 15th. This is something that comes up every year, and it's trying on the whole family. The thing is...I'm starting to think that maybe he's not just tired, he's tired of me. I just can't swallow that a person could be so tired that they stopped being affectionate towards their lover.

    Besides, even if he was tired, all he had to do was tell me and I would have taken my play things and left the room to take care of my needs. It's not like that would have been the first time that's happened.
     
  8. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    I understand... My wife's job, and to an extent my own, is quite seasonal, and the busy/stressful times really do take their toll, especially in the bedroom.

    :ugh That was going to be my next suggestion, but I didn't want to say anything until we got the tired issue straightened up. I realize I'm only hearing one side of the story, but I've been reading your posts for a few years now, and I've often wondered if this isn't the case.

    HOWEVER, if he does indeed have a medical sleeping disorder, I can relate, and can see how he could simply not have the energy to meet your needs. Of course he should still try, but if this is something that's been happening for years perhaps he's getting down on himself and giving up. *shrug* Does he often complain about a horrible night's sleep? Does he drink a lot of caffeinated drinks, particularly after noon? Has he seen a doctor about being so tired that he can't function?

    I personally am currently being diagnosed for a sleeping disorder. We're not sure what it is yet, but I have an apnea test sometime in the next couple weeks. I have trouble falling asleep, and when I do, it's restless sleep. Often filled with strange dreams that make little sense and I usually can't remember, except that I had one. I wake up exhausted, go through my day exhausted, then repeat the process over again. There's not a day goes by that I wake up refreshed, of that I don't feel tired. Blood tests have come back normal. Good cholesterol levels, blood pressure is OK, no thyroid issues, diet is good, I get plenty of exercise, don't drink anything with caffeine, yet I'm still tired all the time. So I have a little empathy if that's the case.

    Even still, if my wife is in the mood, tired or not, I will perk right up and settle in for some luvin'.

    Just playing devil's advocate here, but perhaps you're putting a little too much pressure on him to perform? So he's got ED issues, he's stressed, he's tired, and got a very sexual and frustrated wife. Not a good combination. :ugh

    Or maybe he's just a lazy ass who doesn't appreciate you, and probably never will. :(
     
  9. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for your reply, Heely. As far as I know, he has no issues with sleeping and is relatively healthy. He is on meds for chloresterol and ED but that's it.

    I really don't expect anyone here to tell me what is wrong with me or my husband, but it feels good to talk about this.

    Thank you everyone, for your thoughtful replies.
     
  10. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm so sorry that your husband didn't treat you right. I was disturbed by the undertone of violence I found hidden under the surface of your writing-he wouldn't stop pushing even though it hurt. I am so sorry that this happen to you. I hope that if there is something wrong with your husband, that it stops soon.
     
  11. nasty

    nasty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2009
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    Hey CL, I can understand your frustration. I am sorry that your husband treated you that way. I would second the medical issue, but have you ever discussed depression with him? Just a thought. It sounds very familiar to a bout I went thru. Sex was not much appealing (Thankfully that is done :woohoo ) It did out a serious hamper on performance, and apatite. Just my 2 cents, fortunately, it sounds like you have things prepared for a lull in activity. I wish you luck, but I don't think it would be that he is tired of you. Just sounds like he is a little out of sorts. IMOA.
     
    #11 nasty, Feb 27, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2009
  12. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Like Dreama, the thing that concerned me most of all was the violence of the behaviour, and I suspect I pick up on this because of my build. For sure there have been times when I started off as 'not really', but then it always becomes 'yes'. At that point, tired or not, it becomes like every other time, even if it might be a quickie. These days sex is seamless for me, because I use Cialis as my ED medication, and it always gives me performance when i take a half-tablet every other day. So much for my details.

    I really don't know, except to say that a person can never be too tired to be considerate to the person one loves: be that sexual or in other ways. I can't see a reason to not say 'I love you', or to hug a lover, or to be sexually considerate. That's the way I know and express love, and sex is part of love. I am a middle-aged man, I have ed, I have a sometimes stressful job (managing multi-million dollar IT projects), and I see no reason for not compartmentalising all these things to make the important things in my life (my wife, our relationship, the love we share) front-and-centre.

    I won't attempt to diagnose what might wrong: because it could be anything from depression to an undiagnosed medical condition to something more fundamentally wrong. I would be interested to know more of how it was in the distant past, how it has been in the more recent past, and how it is generally now. Because I think I know what the problem is, from a middle-aged man perspective.
     
  13. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Yesterday, after spending some time venting, reading the replies here and trying to analyze what the heck was going on, I ended up in a pretty depressed state. I was feeling quite desperate by the end of the day and to the point where I was considering my options. I even went as far as looking on craigslist in the "strictly platonic" section hoping to find something, anything to make me feel like I was not alone. Like I said, I was in quite a state.

    I talked to a good guy friend of mine, someone that has been with me cyberly for close to two years, and discussed with him how much I'd love to meet him just to have some human touch. He has similar issues in his marriage where his wife had withdrawn her affections. We agreed that should we ever meet, there would be a whole lot of hugging going on.

    By the time my husband called me, saying he was on his way home from work, I was quite low and feeling hopeless. He said to me, "What is wrong?" I said, "I'm just feeling depressed."

    When he got home, we ate dinner and then sat on the couch and watched a movie together. He turned to me at one point, and said, "Do you want to go to bed early?" I was quite shocked, because I knew what he meant by that and he NEVER initiates sex. I said, "What brought that on?" He just smiled and we sat for a while until the movie was over. (It was "Juno", btw and we both liked it a lot.)

    We ended up going to bed and having sex. I was feeling pretty confident by then, and actually did some new things with him that he seems to greatly appreciate.

    Afterwards, I discussed my feelings with him, the things I had said here in my initial post, and some other concerns I had. He assured me he still wanted me and that he was just tired. I said I understood that, but also said I'd rather he not treat me like meat because he was too tired to make love to me properly.

    He said, "I don't know what you want, we've had sex 5 of the last 8 days." I said, "It's not just sex I want, I want you to treat me like you are still in love with me." I told him what that meant to me and he promised to try to be more affectionate.

    When I got up this morning, he had fed and watered my horses, something he almost never does, especially without me asking him to. He was all lovey dovey and held me for quite a while as we said our good-byes before he went to work.

    I now feel much better knowing that he still cares for me as he always did and I believe him when he says nothing has changed for the worse. I am glad I said the things I needed to say to him and that he seemed to listen. I know old habits die hard and he's never going to be the romantic man I want him to be but, at this point, I'm content that he will be the man I need him to be, a man that still loves me very deeply.
     
  14. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    I know you just wrote a novel, and this is a short reply, but I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you, and happy for you both. I still wonder if there isn't underlying depression there, but for now, at least things are in the open and he's aware of how his actions (or lack thereof) are affecting you.

    *hugs*
     
  15. johnnyangel694u

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,151
    Likes Received:
    2,148
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    There may be another take on this. I have run into this with myself. There were times that my wife wanted sex many times in a week but I just didn't have it in me. I don't know how to describe it exactly but the yurn, passion, horniness, or whatever wasn't there. I did it because she wanted to and I was the obedient husband.
     
  16. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Heely, I am taking this at face value because I know we have run this cycle before. I'm hoping we stay on the right track this time and I will try to be more open to him and understanding of his moods. Now that I know his lack of libido doesn't have anything to do with how much he loves me, I feel more secure.

    I don't really think he's having issues with depression, I think its more about stress and learning how to manage it. Cbrmale brought up a good point about leaving work AT work and not bringing it home. I think that his lack of compartmentalising is the problem as well as a bit of anger and perhaps, resentment, towards me for being such a sexual dynamo when he's barely got enough gas in the tank to brush his teeth at night.

    Johnny, I think part of what you said may hold true for my husband as well. I think that he was just having sex with me to keep me happy and that's probably why he wasn't being very loving or tender about it.

     
  17. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm so glad that you all discussed it. Maybe he was just out of sorts, and didn't understand what you wanted. Thank goodness you all talked about it-I hope it stays like this. He really does seem to be trying.
     
  18. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I certainly hope so, Dreama because I fear that one day his lack of affection will drive me into the arms of another man. Some day cybering won't be enough anymore.
     
  19. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    I hope so for you to, hun. Hugs.
     
  20. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    I typed this up in a rush and tried to post it about 6:00 AM Saturday morning, but when I submitted the post I got an Error 404. I was pissed, had to go, no time for a do-over. Now it's Monday and this is the first time I've been back in front of the computer. It seems like you've found some comfort now, but wtf, it might be moot but I'll go ahead and post it.

    Anyway, make sure he understands that there is a real difference between your cybering and making Love in the flesh with him. He may have a haunting feeling that you don't really need him, that he's only another toy. Maybe that leads to some jealousy too, which might explain his rough approach if he's a little angry. He might not even realize it, because these types of feelings can be confusing, maybe more for a man than it would be for a woman. Men are different that way; I don't know why, but sometimes we are more honest with other people than we are with ourselves without even knowing it. He laughs at humorous tales of your escapades trying to believe it means nothing threatening to him, but is unable to completely convince himself of it. It's awfully hard for a guy to shake these worries and it can gnaw away until he feels like his head is gouing to explode. That's why we always have duct tape... to wrap around our heads.

    I'm sorry, that's all the insight I can offer right now. When I typed it early Saturday morning with a good coffee buzz going, it was much more eloquent and sensible. I'm not trying to lay it back at your feet, because you did seek his approval. Ask him if he wishes he hadn't been so quick to give you the okay.