fart

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by longnstrong, Mar 19, 2005.

  1. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    i am going to be spending a month with this girl that i went out with for about 1/2 of a year. thing is i dont think i have farted @ her :nerv . atleast not in a enclose space or given her a wrif of one of my strong farts :boom . i know i can avoid them while i am up but i am worried about when i am sleeping :zzz . and they do smell bad enough for her to want to break up and or through me out of the apartment :cry . even if she does fart first :shifty , mines may smell bad enough to cause the paint to melt from the walls and once it smelled so bad that my underwear fell off me and ran away :poke . i heard that beano works but does anyone have any other advise in case i run out of it in germany?

    and no there are no dogs or cats or any other pet for me to try and blame it on. :uhh:
     
  2. Logger

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    I usually set my ass muscles tight as I am going to sleep. I usually have to make a conscious decision to let one rip, if an urge to fart comes up for me.

    Does Gas-X work?

    When I get an urge to fart, I can usually take a bowel movement, and that usually clears the urge to fart.

    I slept with a woman a few times who asked me to keep the window in the bedroom cracked open. She never said she cut the cheese, but I guess she just wanted insurance, in case she did. Sometimes I leave my bathroom vent fan on.

    Sometimes my wife is out some place, and I take a nap, and often, just after I let one loose, my wife will come home and up to the bedroom. Sometimes she notices. Sometimes she complains. Sometimes she does not say anything, and I don't know if I realy got away with it, or she is just saving my demerits for later.

    Blessings
     
  3. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    rotflmao..... have fun :)
     
  4. columbus17

    columbus17 New Member

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    I had ones after a night of drinking beer and eating pickled eggs that burned holes in my underwear as well as a few of the denim threads in my Levi's, BUT NEVER have I had one make my underwear fall off and run away. :eek
     
  5. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    come on i have a real probelm i need help, one time i let one rip :boom and it was so loud and smelled so bad that my dog woke up gave me this hard look :mad and then jump up and got out of the room. i do really think that there is a real possibillity that this girl might start crying :cry after the first time she smells one of my farts. i can not hold them in for ever :uhh:
     
  6. columbus17

    columbus17 New Member

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    Sounds like you need a fart diffuser. Find some time of flexible hollow tubing that fits comfortably in your nether orifice---whether it be drinking straw size or fire hose size---treat it liberally inside with either an odor absorbant (arm and hammer) or something aromatic (rose petals) and insert it. You can wear it taped down the length of your leg! Just think--people will tell you your farts smell like roses! To take it a step further, put some steel wool in to dampen the sound--hey it works in silencers for guns! Also, if it is noticed under your jeans, people will think you just have a long tail!!
     
  7. smileygal

    smileygal New Member

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  8. blade

    blade New Member

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    that article did bring up some points a change in diet would help lower the amount of flatulence..and hey if ur goin to be stayin with a person for a whole month ur bound to see each other at your worst and best, and of course reduced privacy. but try changing ur diet
     
  9. dabody

    dabody New Member

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    Y not just be yourself and warn her that your farts stink? At the end of the day, farting, as embarrassing as it can be is a natural thing we all need to do. I could understand trying to hold them in for a weekend, but a month.... i dunno if I could. It sounds like u like this girl, so maybe it would be good for her to smell one of your stinkers once in a while, cos if things get serious with you both, you can't hold yr farts in for the rest of your life. She's gonna have to smell them sometime or another!
     
  10. Krof

    Krof New Member

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    Or.. just fucking fart. Farts are as natural as yawns or gasps. If she can't take it, she'll have to go! There's no love without farts :p
     
  11. Braithwaite

    Braithwaite New Member

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    I agree. If you never just let it rip, she'll never really get to know you because she'll think you're someone who just never farts. It could get confusing for her if you're together for an entire month and you don't fart. If that happens, she'll feel pressure not to fart, and you'll both get horrible pains and it could ruin the whole trip! I think the best thing for you to do would be to say to her "Hey, I have to fart. Do you mind?" And if she does mind, dump her!
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    *sigh*...this (among other reasons) is why Krof and I make such a great couple. We are so comfortable together we feel we can do anything in front of each other, including fart. When I think back, after I first moved in it took him about a week before he felt comfortable enough to fart in front of me, and vice versa.

    And I say goddamn!! How he could have possibly held those in I have no idea! I won't go into any details, tho. :p

    Still, I feel sorry for those couples who are in the kind of relationship where they feel they can't fart, or piss, or crap or do anything else like that around each other. I'm not talking about being in the bathroom when the other person is taking a crap, but some couples wait for other person to leave the house, kind of like Howard Stern when he talks about his girlfriend, says, "I swear the woman never ever takes a crap." Sure she does, just never when you're around.
     
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I've never farted my whole life.

    :D
     
  14. Thorn

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    Boo Shit! (like Fergie says it.) :lol
     
  15. Nikki

    Nikki New Member

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    :lol The very first day I met the man I'm with, I decided to spend the night. That 1st evening, he announced that he had to go "take a crap" (exact words) which didn't seem very "1st date-ish to me--but hey, what the heck, I'd already had sex with him twice, which isn't very 1st date-ish either. :brow

    7 years later, he still likes to announce his business and when he does fart, he laughs and then blames it on our twins.
     
  16. Thorn

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    A man after mine own heart! :lol

    *Now where are those prunes?*
     
  17. AnonymousOne

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    So Ryan really is full of hot air.... It all makes sanse now.:lol
     
  18. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    What does Rose have to do with me?:yell
     
  19. Krof

    Krof New Member

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    I don't think it occours to men that announcing that you're gonna take a shit or fart is a bad thing. Because that's just what we've always done. If I'm gonna take a shit, I make sure everyone knows about it! :dgrin
     
  20. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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