Fantasies. how important ?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Doitagain, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. Doitagain

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    3,994
    Likes Received:
    6,596
    Everyone has fantasies , some you must act on or already have and some you may want to leave as a fantasy for whatever reason.
    Sexual partners preferences, needs, wants and fantasies vary between them.

    My question is how important are they to live out , continue doing when it comes to what your partner is open or into?

    What is your limit when it comes to what your partner wants that may be new to you?

    How do you go about bringing up a fantasy whether it be just a sexy scenario that turns you on or an actual act or toy you want to try?

    Feel free to tell examples of fantasies that in any way or angle may have raised questions or whatever ( you know what I am getting at right? Like woah, I didn't know you were turned on by that honey, type thing)

    Serious question but yes there is also the hope you tell fantasies :)
     
  2. Doitagain

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    3,994
    Likes Received:
    6,596
    Lol everyone just passed this one ul
     
  3. lovefun

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2014
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    196
    Gender:
    Female
    I have quite a few fantasies from in the house to out in public.
    I think most of my fantasies will be kept as that and things I will drift into while playing in my own world, it helps make me wetter than ever.
    I will. (After working my man up) say what do you think to doing this...if he is interested it wouldn't take long for it acting out.
    If he asked for a fantasy I would do it unless it is something totally nasty, if then if I didnt like it I would say and not do it again, but would have tried it.
     
    Married M Nh and Doitagain like this.
  4. CosmicEye

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    Messages:
    1,775
    Likes Received:
    49
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    VA
    I think absolutely you have to live out atleast a few fantasies. Its better when its better than what you thought. But can be worse and/uncomfortable with what you do try. But hey, now you know.
     
  5. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,544
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    I either have very tame fantasies or a very wild sex life. I don't ever feel the need to act out fantasies as they all happen for me without much need to go out of the way from "the normal."
     
    luvbug likes this.
  6. John W

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2014
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    183
    Gender:
    Male
    This is a great question. I've had numerous fantasies over the years, most I've never mentioned to my wife. Some I have, and have been shot down to the point I held back even discussing things with her. It really was an issue in our marriage.

    We have recently opened up, discussing most everything. Some of the things I've fantasized about have been close to becoming reality. I'll have to confess, it is a double edged sword.

    My advice is be open and keep the communication going. Test each other and see what each other is thinking.

    Now that we are open in our discussions, not being afraid to say what we really think, sex is sooooo much better.
     
    luvbug likes this.
  7. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I have the same issues as John W but it's ongoing. No matter how much communication it was like pissing in the wind, and the fantasies weren't that kinky and more a way of relieving monotony. In the end I gave up and that's when I had my first affair. Communication only works if the other partner is prepared to at least meet you part-way.
     
    luvbug likes this.
  8. John W

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2014
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    183
    Gender:
    Male
    Sorry to hear that. I never went that far, but I understand the frustration. Does she know? All I can say is keep trying. It is worth it in the end.
     
    luvbug likes this.
  9. CaramelLady

    Guest

    My fantasies are important to me. I like to write them into stories.
     
    JonJo, John W and 10_3XL like this.
  10. sparklez

    sparklez Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2014
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    I am messed up beyond belief, and most fantasies I would have are inapropriate. The whole thing just pisses me off now. Only fantasy I would want to have is between whoever my wife would be, if I had one. Which I don't. Yes I would want to act it out, cause that's the point. The limit is anything not apropriate
     
    luvbug likes this.
  11. John W

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2014
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    183
    Gender:
    Male
    Do you publish your stories? If so, where? I've been trying to get Liz to write some of her fantasies and publish on Literotica.
     
  12. CaramelLady

    Guest

    No... I am not that good. Even so I would not have the courage to post on Literotica. I have posted some here and on another site. Most were written for friends at their request or as gifts to some. They were never published. I collaborated with a couple of people. They were like he did/said and I would respond with she did/said. They were private exchanges. One gentlemen said he had published on several sites and wanted to collaborate for Literotica, but he was way out of my league so I declined.

    Honestly John I am not very good. It was just something that I enjoyed.

    By all means you should continue to encourage Liz. I think she would be marvelous.
     
    #12 CaramelLady, Jul 5, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2014
    John W likes this.
  13. JonJo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2012
    Messages:
    6,069
    Likes Received:
    4,292
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    How do you know if you haven't had them?
    No it isn't, the whole point is that its a fantasy, once acted out its a fact.
    But if as you say you would act them out then the limit shifts, how will you know then that you've reach the limit of what's appropriate?
     
  14. sparklez

    sparklez Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2014
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    The problem here is you are trying to assume we are from the same planet when evidently I am nothing like you. Let me clarify the situation. For me a fantasy is something I want in real life, not something I want to keep as a fantasy, but rather a wish and a goal, that is why it's a fantasy to indulge in at all. It's more like a plan. I don't fantasize for the sake of it being a fantasy! Maybe you fantasize because you just like to live in a dream world, or maybe because it feels good to you. I don't chase desires for the sake of pleasure because that's vanity. My fantasies are hopes and not merely tools of self masturbation. They are hopes I have faith in with a very specific purpose and meaning that goes beyond short term self gratification. I do not wish to sacrifice integrity for some meaningless pleasure, you think just because it's in your mind, that it isn't real. But it makes you dirty. You do not even realize that you cannot hide. So my question to you is do you have a problem with that, tiger? Going to show your little tiger teeth at me every chance you get. Because I'm a Leopard and Leopards are not significant, remember?

    The only thing that really matters here is what is appropriate and not appropriate does not ever change, it only changes if you have an inability to discern or don't care about right and wrong..... then it changes depending on the whims of your own lusts, as they grow and as you follow them, because you love it so. That is not who I am, I seek to enjoy the gift of sex within what's right, both within fantasy and in real, because it's a safeguard not only of my livelihood but of not being full of iniquity. I have my faults mind you, no-ones perfect, like I said I am just a little messed up, but in the face of your snapping disagreement, even I could be considered justified in saying so.

    Bite me!
     
    #14 sparklez, Jul 5, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2014
  15. Joys

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    1,991
    Likes Received:
    4,262
    Many here already know about my fantasies, will not repeat here. It is so important for me to live it out, make it a fact and continue doing so, I crave for it...

    What is your limit... Tough question I don't know. Guess my limit is her limits
     
    JonJo likes this.
  16. JonJo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2012
    Messages:
    6,069
    Likes Received:
    4,292
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    To sparklez:
    I would never assume for one second that we are from the same planet because we are very obviously not - nor would I want to be.

    You planetary language/thinking seems to use the word fantasy incorrectly for what you want/would like to happen and then with-in the same sentence correct it to the right words 'wish' and 'goal'.

    "Maybe you fantasize because you just like to live in a dream world, or maybe because it feels good to you" - do not even attempt to fathom how my mind works, it is far, far beyond you.

    "I don't chase desires for the sake of pleasure because that's vanity" - a load of bollocks on this planet.

    "My fantasies are hopes and not merely tools of self masturbation" - 'not merely' does imply that they serve that purpose also.

    "But it makes you dirty" - be very, very careful.

    "You do not even realize that you cannot hid" - again on this planet, Bollocks, whose trying to hide.

    "The only thing that really matters here is what is appropriate and not appropriate does not ever change, it only changes if you have an inability to discern or don't care about right and wrong..... then it changes depending on the whims of your own lusts, as they grow and as you follow them, because you love it so" -again a load of bollocks on this planet. On this planet what is appropriate and what is right and wrong changes due to many things; the country's laws, moires of the society, religion, sexual orientation, ............

    The only good things that I can see in your diatribe is that you can now correctly spell 'appropriate' and 'leopard'.

    "in the face of your snapping disagreement" - you think that was 'snapping' my little spotty friend? You don't know the meaning of snapping, let alone a full blooded bite.
    I have just had another fantasy.

    Have a good life, where ever it is you live and may whoever sent you here please send down help soon, you need it.
     
    sparklez likes this.
  17. Joys

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    1,991
    Likes Received:
    4,262
    It may be the language or incorrect wording or attributing a different meaning for fantasy but I must say,
    "I don't chase desires for the sake of pleasure because that's vanity"
    and
    "My fantasies are hopes and not merely tools of self masturbation"
    applies to me also
     
  18. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,544
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    Looking at the title of the thread again - how important are fantasies? I'd say that fantasies are important. By having a fantasy we are allowed to live outside the bounds of our everyday life. This applies to sexual fantasies as well as others. I fantasize about various sex acts to perform with my partner. I also fantasize about having a build like Charles Atlas. I also also fantasize about having a cyborg tyrannosaurus-rex with laser eye vision that I ride around fighting crime on... Why? Because for whatever reason - in the moment I am having my fantasy - I am unable to have it as a reality. Fantasies give us mental wish fulfillment and that carries a positive effect for us all - to have our wishes granted. Now, that isn't to say that fantasizing too much or too frequently is acceptable. It is not. One must be able to find a healthy personal balance between being a total fantasist and being a total literalist/realist - which will vary from individual to individual dependent on their situation.

    My point is that fantasies are a Good Thing, so long as they do not run your life.

    I think...

    I don't know - it's been a hell of a long day. Hope the above made sense to someone. :p
     
  19. Joys

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    1,991
    Likes Received:
    4,262
    Addition: My fantasy does not include having sex in Jupiter:p:p
     
  20. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,544
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    Vanity - excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements OR the quality of being worthless or futile.

    Do you really hold such a negative view on your pursuit of your fantasies, Joys? I never got that impression! :eek: