Failure or Success

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by phil anderer, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. phil anderer

    phil anderer New Member

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    I am not sure why I am writing this or why I have titled it so. Perhaps I am hoping it will be cathartic.

    Without the worldwide web I wouldn't have a business so writing on forums like these is not my only reason for being online. Like most on here, I enjoy the banter with the opposite sex and I have friendships going into the fourth year with women I have met firstly online, then in the flesh, not as lovers but just as friends.

    Three years ago a girl 20 years younger than me joined a forum I was on. We traded posts after a few months and, to cut a long story short, after first keeping it to strictly online, we met up. Being so much older than her I expected her to run in the opposite direction. The opposite happened and we started a long very destructive relationship. We are both married, me with grown up kids, her with 2 under 10 and she was also three months pregnant.

    I would imagine everyones first thought is "mean, conniving, bastards" but it happened and we planned to move in together. At the last minute she got cold feet and called it off. The baby was 6 months old by then. She had confessed to her husband who fell apart and begged her to stay with him. She was also a JW so it caused no end of spiritual problems for her. None of my friends knew or indeed know anything about this but all commented on how I changed.

    It's almost a year since we last met and our last call ended with her saying, "don't give up on me, I will love you forever". I hope you haven't filled the sick buckets now. Despite the time passing and my wife's forgiveness, I cannot get her out of my head. I don't think I ever will. It doesn't help that she was absolutely stunning physically, a fact that puzzled me in what she saw in me. The web can bring you great joy but it can also fuck you up for life.
     
  2. HardRocker

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    Interesting experience, maybe a caution to all. As for the title, catharsis seems the most likely reason. That's what SF is here for, among happier things.
     
  3. loveit247

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    We live we learn.
    I think your lesson here is to take the gift of forgiveness and thank your lucky stars on a daily basis. She has stayed with her husband, the father of her children and you should be happy for the kids.
    Try to think about it like that.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Thank you for sharing your story, Phil. I don't know what to offer you in the way of advice to make you feel better, but I applaude you for coming here and exposing yourself like you have.



     
  5. phil anderer

    phil anderer New Member

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    Thanks to you both and apologies for the self serving utterings. One of those days yesterday and I can't delete it now:nerv
     
  6. loveit247

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    Don't be silly! This is what forums are for.
     
  7. heelfetish

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    Agreed!!
     
  8. Barbwire

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    I would not be so quick to blame the web. It seems to me people have been having affairs for thousands of years before the internet came along. I'm afraid the blame sits squarely on human nature, not technology.

    The question is, Phil, not who or what to blame, but how to move forward with your life. Seems to me you are stuck in the past. Instead of directing your energy towards thinking of things that might have been, perhaps it would be best to aim it at finding out why you had the affair in the first place.

    What is lacking in your life? What made you stray? Can you change it? Think about the answers to those questions before you call yourself a failure or a success.
     
  9. spaceforme

    spaceforme New Member

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    I think this happens more often than meets the eye. Granted I am only 23 and hopefully have many more years to live I have been in a similar situation and to this day think about 'the one who go away' (even though we never dated) In my head it would have been perfect. Sometimes I think I am settling for that I have now - Which by all accounts is pretty good (though some problems still exist). I think its human nature to want what we cant have and never be happy with what we do have. Hopefully what I have is right
     
  10. phil anderer

    phil anderer New Member

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    The original post was self indulgent and does not reflect my general state of mind. Sometimes you just have "one of those days".
     
  11. hapi2help

    hapi2help New Member

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    Tough call! Is it really love or sexual frustration??? We always want what we really know deep down we can't have. Get on with your life and enjoy what you already have millions around the world have nothing at all. I had a friend in a very similar situation 18 yrs ago he hung on in there and he is still happily married with a carload of grandchildren, he got over it and I believe you will too! Give it your best shot.
     
  12. bojo11

    bojo11 New Member

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    I agree with hapi2. Give it some time. The only constant is change.