Experienced vs Inexperienced

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by VooDoo_Banjo, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. VooDoo_Banjo

    VooDoo_Banjo Member

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    So to save a bunch of reading (a TL:DR) this is a quick back story.

    Me (male) was married 8 years, now divorced had a great sex life. Life after divorce been great, at least in the bedroom. The women I've been with have been experienced and the last long term relationship I had, she was wide open to anything and everything... it was bliss, unfortunately other circumstances came to light and we have since broken up.

    I have met a women I truly love and she loves me the same. We are happy together... however I have some issues that I need help sorting out, but have no RL friends I can have this convo with.

    She was married for almost 15 years and from what I understand the sex life was non-existent at best. The result is now with us, I, very experienced with positions, toys, fetishes and such and her, not really anything. To her sex is just laying there and letting me go missionary until I'm done. She can only get off if I give her oral sex. Lots more details but this is it in a nutshell.

    She seems open to more than just missionary but she seems scared to try, or even talk about it for that matter. I think she might have the mindset that anything other than that is taboo or something like that. She is just inexperienced and I need to help her feel comfortable to move forward.

    What is the best approach to take to someone like this who might be open to different things but at the same time not freaking her out. Showing her that other positions are wonderful, and that just exploring each others sexuality can be fun and exciting and not scary.

    I really love this woman and want to be with her and am willing to do what it takes to work this out, I just don't know the best approach.

    Any ideas?

    Thanks so much!
     
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  2. HotForHoney

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    Does she work? Kids?
    Do you help out with house work? Cooking/cleaning?

    How is her self image? Fat/old?
    Does she feel sexy?

    How do her parents/religion factor in the equation? Is she afraid of disappointing them?

    Does she drink? How does she loosen up? Does she have free time? Friends? How are their relationships?
     
    #2 HotForHoney, Dec 28, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2014
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  3. 12barblues

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    Seems like a good start... Then figuring out how to talk openly and honestly with a person that seems to be very walled up, and protected would be the next challenge.. I will say this , my ex had a lot of those qualities.. And she never could open up and get in touch with her own sexuality .. 30 yrs I tried.. No avail. Sometimes people just are who they are. And you just have to decide that all of the wonderful qualities that made you love her outweigh the sexual inhibition that frustrates you..
     
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  4. HotForHoney

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    Could she be intimidated by your experiences? She can't measure up/you'd compare?
     
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  5. loves2ride

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    I need a few more particulars before I answer.....

    About how old are you both?

    How long have you two been together?

    Do you do anything to make her feel sexy? (i.e. Walk up behind her and kiss her neck, or rub her Ass as your hugging - in other words Do you "touch" her in a Sexual way when you're Not having sex)?
    (As I'm sure after a sexless 15 yr. marriage, she probably doesn't feel remotely sexy at all.)

    Edit Added: Has he been the only man she was ever with? Like they got married after high school and have been together since? Did she have sex with any other men before her 15 yr husband?
     
    #5 loves2ride, Dec 28, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2014
  6. 12barblues

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    Agreed, there is so much that isn't known here, hard to give advice.. In my past experience with my ex( and I have no other relationships to compare with).. If I would have done any of those things that u mentioned, I would have gotten " is that all you ever want is sex". "Is that all you care about" " why cant you just sit beside me and hold my hand"? Anything, ANYTHING... Remotely passionate was received that way... And I'm not talking about trying to slip my Hand down her pants here.. Just playful sexy caressing or touching..
     
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  7. 12barblues

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    Of course now I'm with sluttyfairy.... The woman who , whenever I may start to slow down and make love to her "passionately", will slap me and say " we can "cuddle" when were done FUCKING" !!!!

    God I love that woman...
     
  8. loves2ride

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    Soem women as you described your Ex reminds me of one of those women who "Put's out" while you're dating but then after the wedding....their done with sex. Either from their upbringing (only Whores like sex), or they've just never allowed themselves to be sexual or sensual from Puritanical/ Society's bullshit.
     
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  9. 12barblues

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    Yes exactly...
     
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  10. 12barblues

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    Sex gets used as leverage for control..
     
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  11. loves2ride

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    I'm so happy for you two! It's truly is such a Wonderful feeling when you find your Soul mate :)
    x o
     
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  12. VooDoo_Banjo

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    I'm going to go thru and try to answer each question posed for a better feel of the situation. Give me a bit to do so. :)
     
  13. VooDoo_Banjo

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  14. VooDoo_Banjo

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    I've thought about that, but I have not really told her in detail what it is my experiences are. I honestly think it is because she really does not know what to do. Her idea of sex is to just be the one who lays there and lets the man do what they want, in a short amount of time and once he is done he is done, not giving one shit about how she feels.
     
  15. VooDoo_Banjo

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    The only way she can cum is if I lick her pussy, there is no other way. I want to be able to teach her that there is in fact other ways to cum and have a good time doing it.
     
  16. 12barblues

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    It's not totally uncommon for this to be the case.. Some women may only orgasm from clitoral stimulation .. It doesn't mean that other things aren't enjoyable tho.
     
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  17. lbushwalker

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    VDB, my take on this is a little different to everyone else's.
    Imho you have just met a sex "virgin" in relative terms and you are in the driver's seat for a hell of a ride if only you treat her right.
    She seems willing so all you need to do is go slow for a bit, show and make her feel increasingly good in little baby steps then from that expect to buckle up dude as she will go into afterburners in catch up mode.
    I know what I am talking about here ;)
     
  18. HotForHoney

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    That's why I asked the questions I did. What you said about her ex was big.

    I think she needs "permission" to explore. Once someone did that for me (and got me a good toy), it was all over.
    As Doc McStuffins would say, she's got a case of whore-phobia!
    Maybe set the mood, go for a couples massage, dinner. Come home light some candles. Give her your own massage. Tease her inside thigh a bit. Make her want it. Make it about her.

    I learned I like clit stim better than vaginal to orgasm. Don't get me wrong, a good pounding feels good but doesn't get me off as much.
     
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  19. lbushwalker

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  20. HotForHoney

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    Don't think they are ready for that.