[Ask a Girl] Exchanging Virginity

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Fll, Nov 5, 2013.

  1. Fll

    Fll New Member

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    Alright, this is something I wanted to ask girls about, because well, neither I nor my partner have any real previous experience. For me, this will be my first time, and for her, this will be her first time consensually, so we’re treating this as her first time, please respect that.

    We’re both 21 years old and are planning to um, do it for the first time in about two weeks. We’ve known each other for years, but because of past trauma that started when she was 6, she has never had a desire for sex up until sometime this year when we began experimenting with hypnosis. Mainly we do orgasm control, but the thing is, because she’s never had an orgasm, or really know what to expect one would feel like, all the hypnosis does is make her aroused and then sexually frustrated because before she can even peak, her body gets too tired from humping air too much, I should clarify, her body has a condition that does tire her out faster than most girls, so she gets too tired after about 10 to 20 minutes of humping air.

    She’s never masturbated before either, and actually does not really know how either... despite her past experiences, she is also kind of sheltered in a way, and so I just showed her where her clit was a few days ago.

    What occurred to me during the hypnosis though is that it would never work until she actually knows what an orgasm feels like, because a hypnosis is all in the mind, the hypnotist can implant suggestions but your mind has to make it real for you to feel the effects, and if her mind doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like, then it is impossible from the start to make it real, whereas something like tickling her or making her aroused by snapping my fingers or using some other condition is really really easy because she knows that it feels like to be tickled or aroused. That, and hypnotism is in general less effective, giving a command for her leg to feel tickled and actually tickling her leg are a full order of magnitude different in what she actually feels, she’ll feel like she’s being tickled both times but tickling her directly is something she is still going to feel more, if that makes sense.

    I offered to buy her a vibrator, um, actual sex has never really been something she would consider before, but she said she wanted to do it with me. This is where it gets complicated, not only are we both inexperienced virgins, but she’s a lesbian, and I’m a trans woman that also likes girls, but I’m pre-operation and still trying to get onto hormones, so I’m not actually feminized, but she wants to go all the way. My body is still male, I know it doesn’t turn her on at all, male bodies just don’t turn her on, and she’s always had an aversion to all forms of touch, even from me and I’m the person she lets touch her the most. I’m not super worried about that part though, I still know how to turn her on and make her aroused without my body, but I don’t want to resort to putting her into a trance just to get her aroused (full disclosure: the methods we use we always remember what is going on and have a way to stop it, it’s the kind of hypnosis that doesn’t take full effect until after the other person wakes up, and hypnosis can’t make you do anything you wouldn’t be willing to anyway).

    I want to do this with her anyway though, and she wants me to, so that part is already decided on. I want to make this special for her though, this is her real first time, and she’s never had an orgasm before, so I want her to experience one even though I’m also inexperienced. I’m actually seriously considering having a vibrator nearby just in case, one that’s non-penetrative but still effective, but rather than that, I thought to come here and ask this:

    What is most effective for getting you to orgasm? What spots, techniques, places can I use to show this girl, my best friend and the one I love more than anyone else in the world, her first orgasm?
     
    #1 Fll, Nov 5, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2013
  2. lbushwalker

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    I was going to make suggestions until I read your full circumstances but then if true it got too complicated for my simple mind so unfortunately :shrug
    My alternative and less charitable thought is that this is all spam either way this needs to be hand balled to Meee for her considered analysis and comment.
     
  3. HotForHoney

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    Um, diving right into sex is as big move. You have to run the bases so to speak. Get comfortable with each step.

    And the whole hypnosis thing... Who is doing that? Sounds like she needs some real therapy - by a licensed medical doctor.
     
  4. Fll

    Fll New Member

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    Just to be clear, what happened in her past is in her past, and will affect her for the rest of her life. She has a therapist, and a very good one at that. Sexually, she is as ready as she will ever be and it is something that we’ve been talking about throughout the year. We’re close, intimately close and trust each other more than we trust anyone else, we just haven’t done anything sexually more than hypnotic orgasm control, so please don’t yuck our yum.
     
  5. Meee

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    Welcome to the forums.

    I'm hearing a lot of different issues, but the one that struck me the most is that she's never had an orgasm, possibly can't have an orgasm, doesn't know how to masturbate, isn't familiar with female sexual anatomy, and so on, and so on.

    "Um, doing it" with you isn't going to help her make any progress in any of that. She needs to learn about herself, in her own space, in privacy and comfort, without any fancy techniques such as hypnosis. It would be an excellent topic for her to discuss with her therapist.

    Your virginity is going to have to last a little longer. Sorry. Give her some space on this. She needs more time to work it out between her and herself.
     
  6. Fll

    Fll New Member

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    That’s probably true, but this is something she wants to do regardless of whether she achieves orgasm, for her own reasons, I just want to make it the best experience for it possible when we do, even if the chance of success is low. I’m willing to wait a whole lot longer for her if that is what she wants, but it isn’t.
     
  7. HotForHoney

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    Have ever taken a sip of hot coffee bc you wanted it ASAP? Was that a good idea?
     
  8. Fll

    Fll New Member

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    Yes and no, but I also don’t appreciate my partner’s judgement being second guessed after we both took the time to talk about it. It’s not even something we just did spontaneously, we have a date planned out for it. If this is still the wrong decision, it’s already decided on and I don’t think we’ll regret it. She isn’t hot coffee, I’m merely taking a sip from, she’s a wonderful person, and she knows this is my first time as well.

    She didn’t even ask me to give her an orgasm, and she’s not expecting it either, this is something I’m asking about independently of her so that when that day does come, maybe she can experience it. I’m not under any illusions about my ability, but with some planning and forethought, I don’t think it is impossible either, because I think she trusts me enough that maybe she will be in the right frame of mind for it. I love her enough to want to try anyway regardless of my possible chances of success our first time. I was just hoping that with some advice from here from girls who have actually had orgasms, that maybe I could learn enough to pull it off. Honestly this is really embarrassing to even be asking for help giving my partner an orgasm, but that’s just how much I care.
     
  9. Meee

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    The first thing is this: Losing your virginity and her having an orgasm are actually pretty unrelated. She isn't very likely to have an orgasm from penetration, considering all the unresolved issues and so on. You'd be more likely to help her have an orgasm with your fingers. You might want to consider that.

    In the meantime, use your first time of um, doing it with her as a time for bonding and connecting and full body intimacy. Set aside any goals for your first time. Relax. Be close. It'll still be a good experience.
     
    #9 Meee, Nov 5, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2013
  10. Fll

    Fll New Member

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    I thought as much, that penetrative intercourse would be insufficient, hmm. Thank you. :)
     
  11. Silverfox

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    Sounds like there's been some violence in her past. Listen up, dude. If you and she are sure you're ready for this, then you're going to have to go slow.

    Make sure you're not some place you're going to be interrupted. You'll both be nervous enough. Pay attention to her. Watch her; every little sound, every little movement, every little look.

    She has to be relaxed. If you drink, have a few. DO NOT GET HAMMERED. Just relaxed. Take your time; this is not a race. Fast quick sex can come later.

    Slowly remove each other's clothing. Get used to each other in this situation. You've never been this far. Petting and knowing you're going to have intercourse are two different things. You're crossing a line you haven't been beyond before.

    Caress each other, stroke each other. Get to know each other in this situation; this is different. After a while, lay her back gently. Slowly work your way down her body. Don't take too much time, but don't go too quickly. You're going to have to pay attention to her. When you're ready, go down on her. It's your best bet to get her aroused. With your fingers spread her vaginal lips. Lick slowly but firmly. After a while move you tongue up between her lips to where they join. She may not be aroused enough for her clit to be hard YET but that's where it will be. Proceed with care. She may like it when you get there, but she may not be ready yet. Pay attention. Move back to her vagina, then back to her clit. Watch her, pay attention.

    After a while, ask her what feels good. If she's shy, be gentle. Show her you care how she feels. That may sound obvious, but remember, you've never been this far. Gently keep your mouth on her and keep asking her what feels good. NEVER ASK HER, "ARE YOU DONE YET". NEVER. If she orgasms, you'll know.

    If after a while she doesn't, you're going to have to move on. Too much stimulation, if she's not in the right frame of mind, will will make her numb, or may even hurt. Always remember, this is about the experience, not a goal to reach. You must communicate.

    Now it's time. You want her to be slick and wet. It will make it easier and more pleasurable for both of you when you push in to her. If you really want to be prepared, go to the drug store and get some K-Y jelly. It's just a water based lubricant. It wouldn't hurt you if you squirted it in your mouth. Actually tastes sweet. It comes in several varieties, but I'd stick with the basic for now. Apply a generous amount to her pussy, pay attention to her vaginal opening.

    When you push into her,GO SLOWLY. Do not lose yourself in the experience. You will probably hurt her no matter how hard you try. DO NOT CAUSE HER MORE PAIN THAN IS NECESSARY, even if you have to forget about your own orgasm. If all goes well you'll slip into her smoothly.

    If she's comfortable, stroke her slowly but steadily. DO NOT POUND HER. That can come later in your relationship, when you're both comfortable. Always pay attention to her. After you've cum and you've pulled out of her, get a washcloth and clean her up, UNLESS, she says no. Some women want to keep your cum for a little while.

    In all of this, remember, it's about the experience, not a goal you both have to reach. Sex is something you'll be doing all your life. You're just beginning to add it to your world.
     
    #11 Silverfox, Nov 7, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2013